When should I stop buying presents for my friend's children?

AliBaliBee_2

If they dont produce a card with a number on it (eg 1st birthday, 18th, 21st eetc) then you dont have to feel guilty stopping (whether or not you buy ones with ages, i just mean that the ages are the important ones). I send cards for all numbered birthdays up to 16th, none for 17th, none for 19-20th, none for 22nd-29th but i do the other ones like 21st, 30th etc.

i have found that friends children never bother replying or texting (or even asking to have their name included on the card their mother signs and sends to me on my birthday), so i figure they cant care that much about me so i dont feel too bad. And if they do notice my card is missing on their birthday then they will learn what it feels like to not get one, and perhaps thats a life lesson for them! There are a few special cases though who are closer and i send cards to all, but sometimes i just text if its a 17th or another one that isnt a children's birthday or an adult big birthday. Same with presents if i am close to the person.

Indie_Kid

rev229 wrote: »

Well I decided this year that as I no longer see much of my ' best friend' that I was stopping gifts for her 3 kids. Also I got fed up with no thank yous and her constantly forgetting the dates of my kids birthdays! I always managed to remember her kids 3 bithdays!

We have an aunt who would constantly forget my birthday. But it was only ever mine. She'd remember everyone elses but mine. 2 of her children have birthdays about a week after mine as well.

I can't talk though - I forgot my brother's birthday last year.:o Ok, in my defence I had just done an awful 6 hour train journey.

greenbeans99

I'd like to enlarge this by looking at when one stops buying excessive presents for anyone. I have many nephews and nieces, most of whom are earning, or over 30 yrs. by this age they will have most things they want or need, or have the means to acquire what they still need or want. special birthdays and weddings are aside from this. modern youth likes cash as gifts, but this is a cop out from both sides - no lasting impression either way. my daughter wants a contribution to her leeds festival ticket for her eighteenth. whatever happened to watches and tankards ??
I have always been virulently against the excess of present buying, some of which was a constant source of friction between my ex wife and self. ie thousands of pounds of little, or unused presents in the loft/garage/tip/skip etc.
I have thus taken to buying, for both my own children, and those of my brothers; inexpensive, novelty, but imaginative gifts sourced from jumble sales/charity shops etc. poundland was a rich seam of gifts last christmas
as for great nephews and nieces, particularly when young, they get so much stuff, much of it branded - peppa pig/Scooby doo/etc from indulgent parents or grandparents that my offering, be it at a pound, ten or twenty thereof doesn't register.
others have talked about thankyou letters. as Yorkshire folk we were always taught to regard sending these as receipts, both given and gratefully received. great aunt gladys's postal order gifts were often less in value than the cost of thankyou's, but worth it in terms of value, both sent and received


I've probably gone on a bit but could go on, and, on and on etc

Indie_Kid

I can't remember when wwe stopped getting Christmas presents from grandparents and started getting money instead. We used to go through the Argos catalogue. But as we got older, it was getting harder to decide on things that we would like.

anotheruser

I would have given up already!

Mojisola

happyinflorida wrote: »

Why are you even asking this?!

Have you stopped loving her for some reason because she's turned 18?!

Since when did buying a birthday present mean that you love someone?

There are plenty of people who get presents from, and give presents to, people they don't like, let alone love.

It's quite possible to be interested in the life of a friend's adult child and to care about them without having to think of a present each year.

meknowalot-51

I think that 18 sounds a good time to stop as you clearly want to.You don't have to say anything just do it and send a card wishing the usual.I bet this has been bugging you for some time,i'm sure it's going to be fine and there's going to be no bad feelings.

Ms_Chocaholic

I buy for a friend's son, he is 10. My friend bought for my daughter until she was 18, my friend was my daughter's godmother, I am not godmother to friend's son.

This friend of mine never gets in touch with me, I do all the running. For the past 20 months I've purposely not made contact with my friend (to see what would happen) and my friend has not been in touch with me. I've had a torrid time over the past 18 months and this friend is oblivious to it all.

I'm not fussed to be honest about the friendship but what do I do about buying gifts for her son; do I continue?

Pollycat

Ms_Chocaholic wrote: »

I buy for a friend's son, he is 10. My friend bought for my daughter until she was 18, my friend was my daughter's godmother, I am not godmother to friend's son.

This friend of mine never gets in touch with me, I do all the running. For the past 20 months I've purposely not made contact with my friend (to see what would happen) and my friend has not been in touch with me. I've had a torrid time over the past 18 months and this friend is oblivious to it all.

I'm not fussed to be honest about the friendship but what do I do about buying gifts for her son; do I continue?

I can't see why you would buy presents for the son of a person who used to be your friend.
You've not been in touch with each other for almost 2 years.

Or do you see buying presents as a reciprocal thing and think that you 'owe' him another 8 presents to bring it in line with what your ex-friend did with your daughter?

DD265

My mum bought presents for my sister's friend's milestone birthdays - e.g. 18, 21.

In my family we usually stop when the child is 18, again except for milestone birthdays so I wouldn't look to do more than that for non-family members either