When should I stop buying presents for my friend's children?

Ebenezer_Screwj

You are under no obligation to buy presents for any of these children indefinitely. I would just stop doing it because that is clearly what you want. You don't have to give any explanation.

TBagpuss

you don't 'need' to buy gifts at all. If you would like to stop, then stop.
18 is a convenient cut off point.

or you could just miss a year and see if anyone notices, or could cut down and give smaller or token gifts.

You could also chose to give a family gift to your friends and her family, which would then include the children if they are still spending christmas at home, and not if they are not - depending on your friend's tastes, and what you are happy to spend, this could be a big box of chocolates, or it could be a hamper, or vouchers to get family pictures taken, or something for the garden, or whatever you think they would like.

P personally give gifts to some of my cousin's children and not to others, it is based in a part on how they behave towards me - I stopped giving gifts to one family as although I had given gifts to the adults, they didn't give me gifts, so I assumed that they were not interested in getting or giving gifts. I gave gifts to their children for a short time but stopped as they didn't bother to send thank you notes, or even to phone or e-mail. Other children in the family do get gifts as there is a level of appreciatation and reciprocation.
Does your friend buy gifts for you and your family? because that would also be something you might want to consider.

Pollycat

Jagraf wrote: »

That is really unfair to the youngest as I see it.

Very, very unfair to the youngest.

Mojisola

MSE_Nick wrote: »

Since they were born I've always bought birthday gifts for my friend’s three daughters. So far I have always given them equal value presents but as the eldest is now over 18, I’m wondering how long I need to carry on buying them for her.

I don't want to be mean or seem like I'm treating her unfairly, but part of me wants to draw a line for her now. How long should I be expected to keep buying presents for?

If you make the 18th or 21st the last present, how are you treating any of them unfairly? Each child will have received 18 or 21 presents from you.

KARO

BrassicWoman wrote: »

stop when they stop sending thank you cards

toptrout wrote: »

I stopped buying for friends kids when I stopped getting thank yous. (And I hadn't seen the children for years.) But yes carrying on after 18 years set a president you may not want to continue.

This reminds me of a similar situation I was in, but with a younger sibling, rather than a friend's child.


I always bought a birthday and Christmas present for my younger brother. I didn't begrudge doing it for many years and I could only afford a small present anyway (usually about £10)

But as the years rolled on, I began to notice that not only were my gifts not even acknowledged but he never even bothers buying a card for me. Not for birthday, nor for Christmas. I rarely if ever see him these days, so last birthday, as I was short of cash anyway, I thought sod it, and "forgot" to buy for him.

He's about 30 now, and married, and financially far better off than I am! Maybe it's a man thing. They are a bit worse at remembering birthdays and buying cards, but I don't think that explains the fact that he didn't even say a thankyou for his gifts.. How long does it take to write a text or send an email?

aquarius02

This question should not be asked on here, as there is no way that this is a moral dilemma. It is a purely personal choice and morals do not come into it. This a choice only you can make, and only you can decide when you wish to stop buying gifts. There is no right or wrong time to stop

pippinpuss

In our family, for many years, the age limit has been 18. But they still get a card as it shows you still think of them as family or friend.


Of course my own children & parents will get presents forever

missTlemons

I was having this conversation a while ago with a 21 year old friend who still gets gifts from a family friend. She said the gifter is not on the best income, but my friend doesn't know how to tell her she doesn't need gifts anymore without offending her. She assumed the gifts would stop on her 18th birthday but has a younger sister who is due to be 18 in a few months and is hoping they will stop then as feels guilty every year! I would maybe get a *slightly* larger gift for 18th and write something in the card about now being an adult. That should be hint enough!

Mojisola

missTlemons wrote: »

I would maybe get a *slightly* larger gift for 18th and write something in the card about now being an adult. That should be hint enough!

Why 'hint'? Why not say upfront that you won't be buying presents for any of them after they reach 18?

j.e.j.

missTlemons wrote: »

I was having this conversation a while ago with a 21 year old friend who still gets gifts from a family friend. She said the gifter is not on the best income, but my friend doesn't know how to tell her she doesn't need gifts anymore without offending her.

I've got an auntie like this. It's very thoughtful of her to send us all little gifts, but we can't get through to her that there's really no need. Possibly she's lonely and just wants to stay in touch with us (she's moved to another part of the country).