Can anyone help please?

Mojisola

woodsig wrote: »

Blackmailing me into saying if I don't sort out this bank something or sort out my phone bill etc (I had one direct debit fail last year and my mom opened that post) she will show the post to my dad and get me kicked out/car taken off me etc.

If you don't have all your personal paperwork locked away, then do that, or get a friend to keep it for you.

Have you got your phone and computer password protected?

Seriously, look at getting a room in a shared house as soon as possible and let your step-father know why you're moving out before he gets told a load of lies by your Mum.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

My mother used to do it - she said if it came through her door, it was hers to do with as she pleased. One of my earliest memories was of her steaming open letters addressed to the brother that was most likely to react angrily over it.

It's a form of abuse and control. Drinking alcohol has nowt to do with it (she is/was teetotal).


Get everything collected (and stored out of the house) and start planning an earlier escape. I'd also suggest online banking with a secure/unguessable password.

peachyprice

j.e.j. wrote: »

That's about a bottle of wine a day?

It's quite a lot but not as bad as some alkies, I guess..

A bottle of wine is 8-10 units, not 53!

building_with_lego

peachyprice wrote: »

A bottle of wine is 8-10 units, not 53!

woodsig wrote: »

... Drinking 53 units of alcohol in total a week can make you paranoid I guess

woodsig

8-10 units per day means 56-70 units per week...

Georgiegirl256

peachyprice wrote: »

A bottle of wine is 8-10 units, not 53!

I think they mean over a week!

j.e.j.

peachyprice wrote: »

A bottle of wine is 8-10 units, not 53!

53 units in a week.. so (if it's wine she's drinking) at least 3 glasses a night, maybe a whole bottle.

That said, a lot of very nice respectable middle-class people down a bottle of wine a night to wind down.

Robisere

I am 70 years old now, but I still remember the bitterness when my mother opened letters for me. The first was when I was 15, from my first GF of the same age. Letter absolutely reeked of cheap perfume (she WAS 15!) and I have no idea what was in it, because she burned the contents and showed me the envelope, along with an opinion of the lovely, sweet girl who sent it as "A little tart." (She had never actually met her.) My mother was abusive and once laid me out when I was very small, putting me in a coma and leading to me being sent to live with an aunt for 2 years, until mother received the mental health treatment she needed. I came back but never felt the same about her, although my dad was great I had lost all love for her. I ran away at 13 and worked on a traveling Fair before being brought back. I left again at 16 and went to sea, eventually left altogether at 19 to join the Army.

From the time I returned from sea, she continued to open my mail and could never understand why I hated it. eventually I had all my mail sent to my brother's address, she kept asking where my mail was but I ignored her.

The poster here who says it is control, is absolutely correct. Until the end of her days, she tried to control myself and my 2 brothers. They both gave in to this, but I resisted and ignored her attempts to interfere in my life. The worst thing she ever did, was write to a Commanding Officer when I was in the Army and say that I had not written to her. I explained the reasons to my CO and he wrote back to her saying that he did not control my personal life, neither did the Army, and as I was an adult now, neither should she. What she did not know, was that I was writing to my lovely old dad care of my brother's house, where dad would read and reply to them.

I wrote all of this to explain to you what can happen if you do not take action to keep your mail away from your mum. Is there a sibling or a friend that you can have your mail sent to? Or use one of the solutions proposed here. Either way, the best solution is to have your mail sent where only you can access it, that will save any hassle with your mum.

What can happen, is that you remember it for all your days with bitterness, as I do.

peachyprice

j.e.j. wrote: »

53 units in a week.. so (if it's wine she's drinking) at least 3 glasses a night, maybe a whole bottle.

That said, a lot of very nice respectable middle-class people down a bottle of wine a night to wind down.

Apologies, yes, you're right. I read it at 53 units a day (I do have a rotten cold atm:o)

I agree, 53 units, while a lot, isn't really that much, not enough to cause paranoia!

gayleygoo

A married friend of mine suffered a similar problem - his mum would let herself into his house with they key she had, and open his and his wife's post! I think it was normally when they went on holiday, and "in case it was something important". Of course, rarely is anything so very important that it can't wait a few days! She stopped doing it after it was strongly pointed out to her that it couldn't go on. And at least she left the opened letters so that they could be read by the addressee.

Phone up your local RM sorting office and ask for advice - they may suggest that you go out once a week and collect your post. They are supposed to ask for ID for all collections, but in my experience they rarely do. Usually anyone else can collect your post if they bring your ID anyway. Ask if you can have it noted down that only you, with ID, can collect your post.

tyllwyd

The biggest problem with getting mail held back etc is if you and your mum share the same surname? In theory the postman should sort them separately, but in reality there are likely to be mistakes. I don't know about the Mail Collect system mentioned earlier, but I've set up a mail redirection when I've moved house before, and they do send a letter to the house when they set it up.