Not competitive

Errata

Rambosmum wrote: »

He's refusing to discuss the issue. He's trying to make conversation but won't discuss the issue and I want to discuss it, I need resolution and I can't have a mundane conversation with him as if it never happened, which he wants to do.

As I said, he's treating you with utter contempt.

missprice

VestanPance wrote: »

No a game like chess and most other board games is about tactics and playing the game to beat your opponent. If it wasn't the game would be called having cake and coffee!

So to you its a chess game with refreshments, to others its coffee and cake night with chess involved.

The only difference is the way you look at it.
People should never be made to feel bad about why they are joining some event, whether its coffee/cake/chess or rock climbing to as high as you want.

Btw I play very few board games and am not in any club and the only exercise I get is walking/cycling to work and back. But I can still see the points made by the competitive and un competitive. And I would never say to the competitive types that what they do is less than perfect.

Rambosmum

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

You don't do what? I think you might be missing my point? I'm offering up a different view point and trying to suggest why your husband might be acting the way he is.

Can I ask how long you've been doing rock climbing out of interest?

I did it in my late teens for about 2 years then took it back up about 6 years ago.

purpleshoes_2

Chess is very different to connect 4 or something like Kerplunk

Jagraf

I just get cross and bored with monopoly and usually just turn the board upside down half way through. Same with scrabble.

missprice

Jagraf wrote: »

I just get cross and bored with monopoly and usually just turn the board upside down half way through. Same with scrabble.

Now see I love scrabble and sadly only a few will play with me, not cos I get all competitive just because I am actually good at it. But monopoly, well I would be bored after an hour cos that game can go on for ever.

z.n

Rambosmum wrote: »

He's refusing to discuss the issue. He's trying to make conversation but won't discuss the issue and I want to discuss it, I need resolution and I can't have a mundane conversation with him as if it never happened, which he wants to do.

You must have that conversation- otherwise how do you move forward.

The sooner you know the true nature of the man you have married the better. A poster earlier wondered if expectations have changed because you are now married- if so then that also needs addressing.
Not talking as a means of getting your own way is very manipulative- don't let him get away with it. At the very least he needs to acknowledge how upset he has made you, and apologise for that.

The 'friend' sounds like she is part of the problem frankly- she sounds very patronising. I just wonder if there is a bit of a mutual appreciation society among the 'competitive' bunch who are happily using your 'incompetence' to boost their own egos. I see a lot of this with my daughter's friends and their pecking order shennanigans- but then they are 14. Just remind yourself of something you can do better than her (even if it is putting on makeup) and realise how mad that must make her feel.

I don't normally post so strongly. But competitive people can be such prats sometimes. If you have family members doing several different activities you get to see quite a few of them! The saving grace is that most of them have the emotional maturity to laugh at themselves afterwards (and apologise to their nearest and dearest as required.) The ones who can't see past their obsession are not good company.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

I got over a major fear of heights by going rock climbing. The scariest points of all were waiting for my turn to rapell down a cliff. I let everybody go in front of me until there was no one left. I could have just said 'I'm fine now. I've done a bit and that's enough'. But I didn't want to be the one who bottled out, so I got kitted up. The nscariest of all was the moment where you go backwards and you're no longer able to just walk away.

I took a deep breath and exhaled. And I was past that point of no return.

A quarter of the way down, loose rocks meant I slipped and fell. Dangling from the harness, I looked around at the tiny shapes of my mates, the instructor was yelling 'are you alright?' - I waved at my friends, shouted back 'I'm fine' and sorted myself out to continue to the bottom.

A three step stool no longer held the terror it used to after that. And all because I pushed through my 'limit'.


Same way I had crippling, throw up in the toilets, can hardly hold a note due to shaking hands, stage fright. I still went onstage. And one day, I found myself being the cheerful, relaxed, 'that feeling is what is going to make it such a rush' person to somebody else.

It doesn't stop my legs shaking sometimes, it doesn't mean I can pack away a three course meal just before I go onstage - but the reward from pushing outside that comfort zone and using the fear to drive me is that I'm a better musician, can play several instruments, I'm able to make a living from it and I'm happier than I can ever remember being.

There is so much to be gained from pushing that little bit further each time in so many things. It's about wanting to be better, to progress, to improve, to know you can do something that you would have said was impossible a year ago.


My ex's worst phrase (it was the one that jarred the most) was 'nah. Stick with what you know'. It applied to food, to places, to activities, to everything. There would never be an achievement to celebrate, never a new meal, never stumbling upon something exciting or joyful or anything to feel animated over. He'll just keep on eating the same foods, watching the same TV, not working (because he wouldn't like having to learn something new and his previous jobs now required computer use - he walked out of free training and refused to ever try again because his monitor on the first day needed to be switched on when everybody else's was already on and he didnt want to tell the trainer, as it 'proved' he'd never be able to use the things), never doing anything.

To somebody who wants to better themselves, to try and be the best that they can, to experience more than has already been done - that sounds like a living death.

lostinrates

z.n wrote: »

I don't normally post so strongly. But competitive people can be such prats sometimes. If you have family members doing several different activities you get to see quite a few of them! The saving grace is that most of them have the emotional maturity to laugh at themselves afterwards (and apologise to their nearest and dearest as required.) The ones who can't see past their obsession are not good company.

Its something I don't miss about competing in the competitive sports I participated in, and, I noticed the increased enjoyment and improvement in my own attitude towards myself and others.

To my great shame in the past I had trainers have to point out to me that my tension and perfectionism was negatively impacting on those i needed to perform well with, and those I trained alongside or was meant to help. ( I no longer am able to take part in sports).

That's no way to be in life. I'll always be a bit all or nothing, but recognising where the 'all' is for me and that perfection includes respect and that without it perfection can never be achieved is something I try and remind myself everyday. It applies not just to sport, but everything....how you drive, how you walk down the road, how you relate to people in the street, and indeed close relationships.

How we train etc is often how we live and relate to people. The competitive guy who said 'be yourself' sounds like the kind of competitor I would aspire to be if I can return to a more active life in the future.

LannieDuck

To those saying that all board games are competitive - they're really not. I'm a massive gamer and I dislike competitive games.

I don't enjoy trying to bring down or disrupt other player's tactics. It's certainly a valid way to play (and in some games it's required), but it's not a way that I enjoy. If I'm playing a competitive game, I'll play and attempt to win by myself (without bringing other people down if I can avoid it), but I much prefer cooperative or semi-competitive games, as mentioned earlier in the thread.

My friends and I once gamed almost every weekend for nearly a year (it was Arkham Horror if there are other gamers reading - we got addicted!). It was definitely social and not competitive. It only stopped because I had a baby, and I still miss those weekends.