Not competitive

VestanPance

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

I can't believe by how far the point is being missed.

It isn't about always winning the game. A very very small percentage would take a strop if they lost at a board game I'm sure, and those people who would are people that take everything to extremes. Most people would just joke and say something like "ah well, I'll win you next time!"

That's the whole idea behind board games, someone has to win, and a lot of games employ the use of strategy, so to play against someone who isn't really playing the game as if they're bothered about winning doesn't make for an interesting game...they might as well just let you win....at least put abit of effort into it!

Anyhow, in the grand scheme of things that are important, board games are right right down there. I wish that's all I had to worry about right now

I'd love to watch the people who don't play to win playing chess. Hey look I'm just randomly moving carved objects around a board, oh game over already!

With board games the competition and tactics are the fun aspect. It's pretty much the remit of every board or card game ever devised.

no1catman

No, her 'goal' is to enjoy singing - she can't help it she has to express herself in song, all the better for others to share her enjoyment via the Amdram. Although, that can be pressured, she feels less stressed because it not just her. There's no 'exam' to measure her 'best'.


Some people feel the need rise in the 'pecking order' i.e. be competitive - and can't see why everybody else doesn't feel the same.


After all where does 'do your best' stop - going for a walk, gardening - if next door grow 50 lb of tomatoes and I only do 20 lb should I feel the need to try harder next year - no way if I'm happy with 20 lb!

Rambosmum

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Exactly! :beer: If you're going to do something that you want to do and supposedly enjoy, then at least put a bit of effort into it.

You can of course go climbing and climb up to the same point, do the same moves etc each and every time for years on end....but honestly, what would be the point? You don't have to race to the top or race your fellow climbing buddies, but wouldn't you want to try new things in a sport you enjoy?

But I don't do this. I climb to where I feel comfortable. And when I get uncomfortable I stop. I am climbing to the best of my ability. My effort can't be measured by how high I get, or whether I win a board game or whether I can do something as well as someone else. My effort is measured by my own standards, as is each person.

I have friends who have won races but still disappointed because they haven't felt they've done their best - who am I to say they are wrong to feel this way. Similarly I have a friend with severe claustrophobia, for her the achievement can be getting in a lift when there aren't any stairs without having a panic attack- seems small but it means a lot to her.

Who is anyone to judge the effort of another? It is so subjective. You have no idea what personal battles are going on in a person and what they have overcome to get as far as they have. I think I'm damn good to rock climb and enjoy it (and other than the height thing I'm not bad at it) despite the fact I am terrified of heights.

purpleshoes_2

Rambosmum wrote: »

But I don't do this. I climb to where I feel comfortable. And when I get uncomfortable I stop. I am climbing to the best of my ability. My effort can't be measured by how high I get, or whether I win a board game or whether I can do something as well as someone else. My effort is measured by my own standards, as is each person.

I have friends who have won races but still disappointed because they haven't felt they've done their best - who am I to say they are wrong to feel this way. Similarly I have a friend with severe claustrophobia, for her the achievement can be getting in a lift when there aren't any stairs without having a panic attack- seems small but it means a lot to her.

Who is anyone to judge the effort of another? It is so subjective. You have no idea what personal battles are going on in a person and what they have overcome to get as far as they have. I think I'm damn good to rock climb and enjoy it (and other than the height thing I'm not bad at it) despite the fact I am terrified of heights.

I get that. Im terrified of heights, you wouldn't get me on a rock climbing wall in a million years.

Also, you aren't competing, even if you stink at it and your husband is fabulous at it, what difference does it make.

I've been in relationships with people who always had to be the best at everything and were hyper critical of what they saw as everyone else's failings (including mine). Im not saying everyone who has a desire to be the best criticise other people, but some do.

Never in a million years would I be doing the career Im doing right now if I had stayed with a couple of ex partners. Id have been told the training was a waste of money, Id have been told I wasn't good enough at it. The support wouldn't have been there, just criticism.
It can be a big thing to put yourself out in any sporting activity in the first place. Even turning up at a fitness class can be a massive deal. I have people who message me wanting to come along to mine and actually make it through the door 6 months later because they are afraid they are going to be judged, afraid everyone is going to be better than them, just terrified full stop.

There is an alternative way of looking at things. Instead of criticising you for not being good enough, your husband could be saying, great, you hate heights but you do the best you can. Like someone who posted earlier, I have a terrible fear of heights. I cant get close to edges if I am high up, even delivering leaflets in a block of flats 12 storeys up terrified me (I did it, but I was bricking it). I crossed a dual carriageway after a gig last year rather than cross a bridge because the stairs leading up to the bridge had gaps. Its hard explaining to someone who doesn't have that fear how terrifying it is to be off the ground even at a relatively low level.

And even if you only get to those two metres, its better than sitting on the couch doing nothing.

No one should betlittle another person when they are the closest person to them or supposed to be. All over some social activities, imagine you needed support from him on something really important and hes in the huff because you aren't good enough at rock climbing and your aren't competitive enough when you play a board game.

Mojisola

Rambosmum wrote: »

OH still isn't talking to me though.

Now that's a very childish way of behaving!

If you don't suddenly start being competitive about board games, will he never speak to you again?

missprice

VestanPance wrote: »

I'd love to watch the people who don't play to win playing chess. Hey look I'm just randomly moving carved objects around a board, oh game over already!

With board games the competition and tactics are the fun aspect. It's pretty much the remit of every board or card game ever devised.

To you that's what board games are about ( this is why I play Patience) to another person its about socializing and friendship and maybe food and drink and maybe to be with someone at that time and egg them on or be a calming influence.

Just cos you go all out to win, others care less because its about something else and the board game is the excuse.

VestanPance

missprice wrote: »

To you that's what board games are about

No a game like chess and most other board games is about tactics and playing the game to beat your opponent. If it wasn't the game would be called having cake and coffee!

Errata

Mojisola wrote: »

Now that's a very childish way of behaving!

If you don't suddenly start being competitive about board games, will he never speak to you again?

Couldn't agree more. Although I class no speaks as treating someone with utter contempt, the cardinal symptom of a relationship which will break up.

Rambosmum

Errata wrote: »

Couldn't agree more. Although I class no speaks as treating someone with utter contempt, the cardinal symptom of a relationship which will break up.

He's refusing to discuss the issue. He's trying to make conversation but won't discuss the issue and I want to discuss it, I need resolution and I can't have a mundane conversation with him as if it never happened, which he wants to do.

Georgiegirl256

Rambosmum wrote: »

But I don't do this. I climb to where I feel comfortable. And when I get uncomfortable I stop. I am climbing to the best of my ability. My effort can't be measured by how high I get, or whether I win a board game or whether I can do something as well as someone else. My effort is measured by my own standards, as is each person.

You don't do what? I think you might be missing my point? I'm offering up a different view point and trying to suggest why your husband might be acting the way he is.

Can I ask how long you've been doing rock climbing out of interest?