Not competitive

tea_lover

I totally get that people have different interests, and fully agree that no one should feel forced to partake in something they don't want to. What I genuinely don't understand is why someone would willingly take part in something so half-heartedly. Why go climbing but not climb anything? Why go to zumba but not try to do the moves (or some moves, any moves)? If you don't want to do something, don't do it. Otherwise you end up in situations where people can get narked (even the OP has admitted her friends see her as giving up too, it's not just her OH).

Also have no idea what the comment about cleaning was about! FWIW, my house is spotless.

purpleshoes_2

tea_lover wrote: »

Exactly! You seem to be (deliberately!) missing the point that a few of us are making. It is nothing to do with winning, with a podium finish, with crossing the line ahead of others. It's about crossing the line at all, about knowing that you did your best. If your best is crawling around the course like a snail with a bad leg then good for you for having a go.

I've been to sporting events where the people crossing the line hours after the others got the loudest cheers. Brilliant! That's a completely different scenario to entering a triathlon (or whatever event), then going home after 10 minutes because it's 'too hard'.

Not deliberately missing any point. It was said earlier in the thread if you don't compete to win you might as well not bother. Disagree. Also I think its being assumed that because the op isn't competitive she isn't trying hard enough.

purpleshoes_2

She is climbing, just because she's not getting to the top doesn't mean she's not doing it.

With respect to doing your best, that's very hard to measure. When I did my first tri I did not go into it thinking I have to get the fastest swim, run and bike time, I went into it thinking I wanted to finish. My best might not be good enough according to the people who think to achieve you have to set personal bests all the way round. The bottom line is her oh and other people are making her feel she's not good enough over some rock climbing and a few board games, he's not talking to her. I know what its like to be in a relationship where nothing you do is good enough, I'm sure a few people on here have as well.

She's to be competitive in everything she does or she's to be belittled for it, that's the sad part of this thread. If there are any points being missed its this. She's not being allowed to approach fun leisure activities her way, because her way isn't good enough.

I still can't believe that people take playing board games so seriously its worthy of such an almighty fuss.

Jagraf

tea_lover wrote: »

I totally get that people have different interests, and fully agree that no one should feel forced to partake in something they don't want to. What I genuinely don't understand is why someone would willingly take part in something so half-heartedly. Why go climbing but not climb anything? Why go to zumba but not try to do the moves (or some moves, any moves)? If you don't want to do something, don't do it. Otherwise you end up in situations where people can get narked (even the OP has admitted her friends see her as giving up too, it's not just her OH).

Also have no idea what the comment about cleaning was about! FWIW, my house is spotless.

I was just using the cleaning the house as an example. You could use the scenario "why clean the house at all if you don't do it to the best of your ability" when sometimes you just want it acceptable and that's ok too.

To do something to the best of your ability is great if you pick and choose your priorities. To have the need to do everything to the best of our ability can become problematic.

purpleshoes_2

Jagraf wrote: »

I was just using the cleaning the house as an example. You could use the scenario "why clean the house at all if you don't do it to the best of your ability" when sometimes you just want it acceptable and that's ok too.

To do something to the best of your ability is great if you pick and choose your priorities. To have the need to do everything to the best of our ability can become problematic.

Well I'll need to bear that in mind that next time I'm running for a bus only an Olympic qualifying time will do:rotfl:

We all come from a different place when it comes to doing our best, as I said before the competitive element of sport at school almost put me off for life. I was well below average at many sports and trying your best wasn't good enough, pressure was applied to people to be good. It was only when the pressure was off and I found sport I liked and was just with the emphasis on keeping fit and not having to excel at everything I did that I stuck with it. If I'd had someone breathing down my neck telling me my efforts weren't good enough I'd have packed it in sharpish.

In games like monopoly, the throw of the dice determines whether you win or lose, I think it would be hard to approach a game like that with a fierce competitive edge, you could be winning one minute and in jail the next.

I think the husband needs to grow up and leave the op alone to approach sport, games her way.

Georgiegirl256

tea_lover wrote: »

I totally get that people have different interests, and fully agree that no one should feel forced to partake in something they don't want to. What I genuinely don't understand is why someone would willingly take part in something so half-heartedly.

Exactly! :beer: If you're going to do something that you want to do and supposedly enjoy, then at least put a bit of effort into it.

You can of course go climbing and climb up to the same point, do the same moves etc each and every time for years on end....but honestly, what would be the point? You don't have to race to the top or race your fellow climbing buddies, but wouldn't you want to try new things in a sport you enjoy?

Georgiegirl256

purpleshoes wrote: »

I still can't believe that people take playing board games so seriously its worthy of such an almighty fuss.

I can't believe by how far the point is being missed.

It isn't about always winning the game. A very very small percentage would take a strop if they lost at a board game I'm sure, and those people who would are people that take everything to extremes. Most people would just joke and say something like "ah well, I'll win you next time!"

That's the whole idea behind board games, someone has to win, and a lot of games employ the use of strategy, so to play against someone who isn't really playing the game as if they're bothered about winning doesn't make for an interesting game...they might as well just let you win....at least put abit of effort into it!

Anyhow, in the grand scheme of things that are important, board games are right right down there. I wish that's all I had to worry about right now

gayleygoo

I'm not a competitive person either, but I like to have personal goals. I've never been rock climbing, but if I ever went I'd like to think I could set my own challenge and work towards that, and would feel good for achieving it. What other people work towards wouldn't worry me in the slightest. I have my own life goals, such as completing my OU degree, knitting things, brewing cider and wine - these things are accomplishments for me but an adrenaline junkie would probably laugh at the idea!

There are lots of activities I wouldn't normally choose to do, because by themselves I find them quite boring (I include bowling, and many board games in this), but taking part in these activities with friends is a social aspect that can make it fun. I nearly always come last when bowling, but I do my best anyway and am thrilled if I manage to knock over a few pins! Otherwise I laugh at how crap I am at it. I'd be laughing much less just sitting at home folding washing or watching the same old rubbish on TV.

For some people, an activity is all about the "destination" (the end goal/winning/being better than everyone else). For others it is about the "journey" (having fun doing it!). From your post OP, it seems like you're not interested in either of these things? What are you interested in? Do you have goals for yourself? You don't have to be super-ambitious, but maybe your OH feels frustrated that you don't push yourself at all. I see in a more recent post that you mention limits - that's fair enough, you can set personal goals based on those, let your friends know that you'll be happy to get "halfway up the wall" or whatever, and they can celebrate with you if you achieve your goal

Jagraf

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Exactly! :beer: If you're going to do something that you want to do and supposedly enjoy, then at least put a bit of effort into it.

You can of course go climbing and climb up to the same point, do the same moves etc each and every time for years on end....but honestly, what would be the point? You don't have to race to the top or race your fellow climbing buddies, but wouldn't you want to try new things in a sport you enjoy?

My DD is a really good singer (even though I say so myself ). She got to grade 6 and then, all of a sudden, decided she didn't want to go any further with the lessons. It was too much hard work and pressure, and though she loved singing, she didn't want the stress. My initial reaction was "you've come this far, why not continue to the top grade, you enjoy it and it will look great on your CV (:eek:). She was adamant, and with reluctance, about two months before her exam, she gave the lessons up.

However, her singing has improved, she is at local amdram and takes part in the theatre. She sings all the time in the shower (sometimes this can get on your nerves lol) and is picked for Singing parts in most things.

Had she carried on with the lessons, I think it would have become a chore. She isn't one bit bothered whether she has signing qualifications, she never boasts about it or talks about when she reached her highest note (unlike some runners, cyclists etc who harp on about heir personal bests when no one else cares). I'm sure she could do even better if she tried, but it relieves the stress of her GCSEs and she just does it for enjoyment's sake.

I believe against my own better judgment she was right to give up the lessons and I hate admitting it. :cool:

tea_lover

But the singing with amdram productions etc. is her goal. It's not that she's just singing the same two songs to herself over and over again and never trying anything else. She still has goals, and I bet she still feels pleased when she achieves them. She's still learning new things. All of which is great, and shows she clearly enjoys what's she doing.