Renovations and Repayments.

AlexLK

cazmanian_minx wrote: »

I accidentally bought a house too, it happens! I only wanted to buy the 6-acre field at the other end of the village to it, but the executors insisted they wouldn't sell the two crofts separately and the other croft came with a three-bedroom house on it.

Is that the one you're renovating?

Bluefire wrote: »

No cars or pens - 21/31. :rotfl:

:rotfl: Don't really have any targets re. cars / pens.

gallygirl wrote: »

It was a repo with another buyer interested so a bit of a race to the line. We actually completed while we were on holiday in Spain.

You see, easily done :rotfl:.

Sounds like a stressful situation, to be honest.

On the subject of property, there's a potential project I'm interested in potentially getting involved in. Certainly won't be an accidental purchase, though. :rotfl:

AlexLK

No alcohol - 20/28.
No sweet treats - 9/31, .
No meat - 7/10.
Walking - 21/31 15,000.
Savings - £0.
Going to bed at a reasonable time - 8/31.

Today hasn't been much fun. The weather seems much colder. My motivation for making money seems very low at the moment and I'm making no effort to earn any extra money to put into my savings. I want to when I think about it but don't seem to be thinking about it very often. To be honest, I'm so uncertain about what the next few months will bring that I don't really know how to handle the money situation. I don't know if I can trust my wife again or not. She seems to be making an effort but I'm starting to convince myself the effort will stop when she gets what she wants. My son has had a bad day today asking me why we have to "help" Grandparents and why can't we go "home" with Mummy (she's made an effort with him both last weekend and this Saturday).

In one respect I'm happy here, it's such a nice place to be. Whilst this house will always be "home" to me I know that I wouldn't have such a nice place to live if it weren't for my parents. I'll always be their failure of a son, never managing to do well for himself. It annoys my wife that I'm somewhat ashamed of the house we own together when she believes she has done very well for herself. I hate the fact my son sees that house as "home" and not here. My parents seem pleased with me at the moment, I suppose I look after them and keep them company and at their time of life that perhaps starts to become more important than money or whether I'm a success.

smallholdingsister

I am going to respectfully suggest that you have overdone it with the weekend, high emotional stakes and you are tired which is not good for your MH.

I am prescribing bed early for two nights in a row and no booze.

cazmanian_minx

AlexLK wrote: »

Is that the one you're renovating?

Yes, that's the one

Suffolk_lass

smallholdingsister wrote: »

I am going to respectfully suggest that you have overdone it with the weekend, high emotional stakes and you are tired which is not good for your MH.

I am prescribing bed early for two nights in a row and no booze.

I agree - cut yourself a bit of slack Alex. Nothing like sleep to sort things out in your head.

When things fail, it does not mean you are a failure, just that a thing failed, by the way. Things done, cannot be undone. This means you can either take those things in and move on, or not. Some things are in your control, and some are not. your emotions are high Alex. Give yourself time.

I sound like some sort of philosopher (sorry!) - just trying to separate the "me and my feelings" from the 6 wise men (who, what, where, when, why and how) - which all have different reasons/causes
SL

AlexLK

smallholdingsister wrote: »

I am going to respectfully suggest that you have overdone it with the weekend, high emotional stakes and you are tired which is not good for your MH.

I am prescribing bed early for two nights in a row and no booze.

I think you're probably right, smallholding. Very little sleep last night. I don't really understand why my son wants to go back there. He was talking about it this morning. My wife has taken him out with the dogs for a walk, she is being really good with him and staying by her promises but I'm convincing myself she's doing this until I go back and then it will all go back to as it was.

Suffolk_lass wrote: »

I agree - cut yourself a bit of slack Alex. Nothing like sleep to sort things out in your head.

When things fail, it does not mean you are a failure, just that a thing failed, by the way. Things done, cannot be undone. This means you can either take those things in and move on, or not. Some things are in your control, and some are not. your emotions are high Alex. Give yourself time.

I sound like some sort of philosopher (sorry!) - just trying to separate the "me and my feelings" from the 6 wise men (who, what, where, when, why and how) - which all have different reasons/causes
SL

Thanks, SL.

I suppose I was talking about my life in general. Not exactly done well for myself financially and now my marriage.

cazmanian_minx wrote: »

Yes, that's the one

I keep meaning to have a look at your progress.

smallholdingsister

He wants to go back because it is his home and she is his Mum.

cazmanian_minx

Alex, would you ever have thought of your grandparents' home as home when you were a child? That's essentially what you're disappointed Little K isn't doing.

hiddenshadow

^ what SHS said.

Plus, frankly, kids don't care how big houses are, in my experience. A house (beyond the basic needs of shelter/warmth/etc) is a status symbol. Kids care a lot less about that than having the people they love around them (and I'm guessing LittleK would rank Mum above Grandparents, especially if you're not interacting with them much and he knows things have changed from when Mum and Dad and he all lived in the same house.

I grew up with two sets of houses (divorced parents). My mom was primary (single) parent and we lived in a tiny 2-bed cottage that I loved, even though thinking back it was too small for us. To me it felt like we were living in a fairy tale cottage in the forest (as much as one can do in non-forest-y California ). Meanwhile, my dad married someone well-off and had a huge house where - on paper - I had my own bedroom and tons of room and a pool in the backyard, etc. Guess which place I wanted to stay more? My mom's tiny cottage, because we loved each other and had fun together, and at my dad's I always felt like I was in the guest bedroom even though it had "my" furniture in it. (In fact, I think it only took a few months for my furniture to be replaced with more standard guest bedroom furniture.) I wasn't too much older than LittleK (7 or 8), and you could have sung the praises of the multi-million dollar home for days and I would have picked the tiny cottage (that we rented, didn't own) any day of the week.

AlexLK

No alcohol - 20/28, thanks, smallholding, I remembered your reply earlier this morning and didn't have a drink but I did yesterday evening (messed up my total yesterday by not paying attention to what exactly I was filling in but have rectified this today).
No sweet treats - 9/31, complete fail with this today. Never realised I ate so many puddings and desserts. :rotfl:
No meat - 7/10.
Walking - 22/31 9,000.
Savings - £0.
Going to bed at a reasonable time - 8/31.

My wife tells me today that she has saved £500 this month and asked me if I'd rather it went on a mortgage overpayment or towards the bathroom renovation. I shouldn't have responded the way I did.

smallholdingsister wrote: »

He wants to go back because it is his home and she is his Mum.

Thanks, smallholding. He does see that house as his home. I suppose he doesn't understand that this house will be passed to him, not that one which will probably become investment capital if I do manage to trust Mrs K again. I am pleased she is making an effort with our son. To be honest, we've had a nice day as a family but I'm starting to struggle with knowing what to do for the best.

cazmanian_minx wrote: »

Alex, would you ever have thought of your grandparents' home as home when you were a child? That's essentially what you're disappointed Little K isn't doing.

I didn't know my paternal grandparents; my father was estranged from them at a young age. My maternal grandparents' home had already passed to my uncle and his family. I spent a great deal of time there as a child but there was always bitterness on my mother's part about not having the place passed to her. I consider it a part of my mother's past and my ancestry as it has passed through quite a few generations of my mother's family. Despite my aunt and uncle caring for me as a boy when not at school, they never made me welcome in their home or family.

It's very different for my son as we will move here full-time at some point and this house will be passed to him to pass to his children in time. Therefore, I want him to have a connection to the house.

hiddenshadow wrote: »

^ what SHS said.

Plus, frankly, kids don't care how big houses are, in my experience. A house (beyond the basic needs of shelter/warmth/etc) is a status symbol. Kids care a lot less about that than having the people they love around them (and I'm guessing LittleK would rank Mum above Grandparents, especially if you're not interacting with them much and he knows things have changed from when Mum and Dad and he all lived in the same house.

I grew up with two sets of houses (divorced parents). My mom was primary (single) parent and we lived in a tiny 2-bed cottage that I loved, even though thinking back it was too small for us. To me it felt like we were living in a fairy tale cottage in the forest (as much as one can do in non-forest-y California ). Meanwhile, my dad married someone well-off and had a huge house where - on paper - I had my own bedroom and tons of room and a pool in the backyard, etc. Guess which place I wanted to stay more? My mom's tiny cottage, because we loved each other and had fun together, and at my dad's I always felt like I was in the guest bedroom even though it had "my" furniture in it. (In fact, I think it only took a few months for my furniture to be replaced with more standard guest bedroom furniture.) I wasn't too much older than LittleK (7 or 8), and you could have sung the praises of the multi-million dollar home for days and I would have picked the tiny cottage (that we rented, didn't own) any day of the week.

I love my son a great deal and just want the best for him, Hidden Shadow. So far as my son is concerned, he thinks I am helping my parents out with a few things. My wife comes here for dinner every evening and we all have dinner together with my parents. Though I wouldn't have to see my parents if I didn't want to, we are spending time together as a family quite a few days per week and walk the dogs together. At the moment my wife is getting along well with son and making an effort. She does this sometimes and I am left to pick up the pieces when she decides that she's had enough. Every time I hope it is going to be different but she has not managed to keep making an effort yet.