Appropriate? Disrespectful?

splishsplash

shoe*diva79 wrote: »

I just want to make a point incase anyone thinks I am some awful women who withholds contact etc, I really am not.

After court at beginning of Dec he saw her for 24 hours on the weekend and then didnt turn up for his weekend which would have been boxing day (the friday) until the sunday. I offered him 8 other dates and he said he could not make any of these so ended up going from mid december to jan 9th with no contact. I have all of this documented on email as proof.

He has been offered other dates over and above his court ordered ones as well but has always refused, I honestly think he is going to get a shock when we go back to court. We both have to write statements (I have to file mine in response to his) and I can back up everything with logged calls to Social services, emails to him (and his responses) and a recorded telephone call where he states he is going to get DD and not bring her back. That call is the only time I have ever told him not to bother coming for her as I wont let her go if he isnt going to bring her back.

Shoe*diva, I think the opposite.
I think it's awful that a small child is allowed anywhere near these two. Neither of them sound like they can parent. Why are you trying to encourage a situation where your child is at risk? Worse than that, where she has been both verbally and now possibly physically abused?? I'd let him bring me to court each and every time before I'd hand her over again.

A little four year old is a baby, she has no voice. She depends on you to protect her.

If you let her go back to these people, can you honestly tell yourself that she's safe? Nurtured? Loved? It sounds like she's tolerated at best, abused and mishandled at worst:(. Poor baby.

I think it would be in her best interests to involve the GP, Social Services and the courts again to keep her well away from both your ex and the girlfriend. Never mind what stories he feeds you, if there are visible injuries, assume the worst, let him prove otherwise. The risks to your daughter are too great.

shoe*diva79

splishsplash wrote: »

Shoe*diva, I think the opposite.
I think it's awful that a small child is allowed anywhere near these two. Neither of them sound like they can parent. Why are you trying to encourage a situation where your child is at risk? Worse than that, where she has been both verbally and now possibly physically abused?? I'd let him bring me to court each and every time before I'd hand her over again.

A little four year old is a baby, she has no voice. She depends on you to protect her.

If you let her go back to these people, can you honestly tell yourself that she's safe? Nurtured? Loved? It sounds like she's tolerated at best, abused and mishandled at worst:(. Poor baby.

I think it would be in her best interests to involve the GP, Social Services and the courts again to keep her well away from both your ex and the girlfriend. Never mind what stories he feeds you, if there are visible injuries, assume the worst, let him prove otherwise. The risks to your daughter are too great.

Thank you. They are all already involved and as crazy as it seems, its me that feels I am doing wrong. Safeguarding checks by CAFCASS come back fine - even the fact that my ex had smashed his previous home up whilst his other children were inside did not crop up because he was never charged with anything.

In all honesty, I feel that something bad is going to happen but I have been told by the court that I could face serious consequences if I do not let contact take place.

Sounds overdramatic, but you know when you hear of all the missed chances of kids in the news where they got hurt/abused/killed etc.. I feel like no one is listening to me and all these 'little' things keep happening and i am continually told (by CAFCASS and the court) that its all alleged and no evidence.

Ms_Chocaholic

In terms of the injuries, yes I would take your DD to the GP tomorrow but it does appear that the injury was accidental as your daughter has explained what happened. Children's Services may well get involved again via a referral from the GP.

I agree the co-sleeping is highly inappropriate.

Ms_Chocaholic

OP, agencies have to refer to incidents/injuries as "alleged" unless they are proven by a criminal conviction.

shoe*diva79

Ms_Chocaholic wrote: »

OP, agencies have to refer to incidents/injuries as "alleged" unless they are proven by a criminal conviction.

Should I make a retrospective complaint to the police regarding DD being verbally abused? And should I report this to the police or just see GP and let them report it?

Like others have said, her injuries may well be accidental.

Ms_Chocaholic

shoe*diva79 wrote: »

Should I make a retrospective complaint to the police regarding DD being verbally abused? And should I report this to the police or just see GP and let them report it?

Like others have said, her injuries may well be accidental.

Re Police complaint, I'm not sure the Police will do anything. How old was DD when this happened. She's probably too young for a video interview and I'm fairly confident they wouldn't pursue it. Also from what we know, it's happened once. I'm not trying to undermine this but I can't see the Police being interested.

I'd just tell the GP first of her injury.

In terms of the most recent injury, your daughter has given an account of what happened. Your ex has also given the same account (at a different time). If Children's Services become involved they may ask for your daughter to have a medical examination and if the injuries are consistent with the explanation given then no further action will be taken. Given what you've said, it does appear to have been an accident. Although I must add that I think your ex does need to be more careful re supervision etc and the speed on which she was on the roundabout but that's not a matter for Children's Services.

shoe*diva79

Another question actually, when I got the CAFCASS safeguarding report 2 weeks ago, there were 3 instances that social services had been informed of DD. The first was in Feb 2013 by the police, the 2nd in Sept 2014 by me (reporting the verbal abuse as CAFASS told me to when I asked them advice) and the 3rd in Oct 2014 by DD pre school - they reported the verbal abuse to.

Now the police in 2013 I have NO idea what this is. I called 101 and they cant tell me as it does not involve me so data protection, I called social services and again, they wont tell me as its not there data and they cant release the info so I spoke to CAFCASS to ask them to find out what it was and they said whatever it was isn't important enough for them to be told in detail.

So basically, something involving my child has happened in Feb 2013 and no one will tell me what/why/how etc. CAFCASS said the court could order further details but as whatever it is does not seem serious, they wont. Whatever it was, was serious enough to be reported to SS tho! I just ont understand.

Ms_Chocaholic

You can submit a access to files request to Children's Services which will hopefully allow you access to the information they hold re your daughter.

If you want to PM me your Local Authority I'm happy to look for the info you need to pursue this.

BTW it's not necessarily something involving your child, it could purely have been the Police asking Children's s Services if your child was known to them (Children's Services) - all requests have to be logged even ones such as this.

Mojisola

shoe*diva79 wrote: »

Anyway, DD has come home today with a black eye and red/swollen cheek

shoe*diva79 wrote: »

DD said that her father pushed her to fast on a roundabout and she came off hitting her face.

Wouldn't a fall from a roundabout result in skin abrasions as well as bruising or do these modern surfaces not cause scrapes?

Wouldn't she also have bruises on her knees or elbows if she had fallen as she says?

sallysaver

splishsplash wrote: »

My opinion is that pigs would fly before I'd let my four year old baby near those people again.

If I'd been on the forum before now I would have responded exactly the same, indeed you have taken the words from me.
Not under any circumstances would she be allowed to go. And as for sleeping in the same bed as the girlfriend who hasn't been allowed near her until a few days ago, - well I'm appalled.
I feel sorry for you really I do, but the balls in your court. Please do what you have to do. Sally