Etiquette after a first date?

miss_independent

dRic40 wrote: »

This thread has actually made me really nervous.

I'm going on two first dates this weekend and I'm now really conscious that i may unwittingly cause offence by saying something like.... You look nice or shall we do this again....lol

Don't be nervous. Honestly, just be yourself. If you think they look nice, tell them.

This thread has shown up varied opinions and what I've gathered from it is that it's best to be upfront about who you are. If you are a "just wanted to make sure you got home ok" person, send the text. If the person takes offence, then the pair of you aren't compatible. Further along the line you'd only offend them even more by being your normal self and why should you change who you are to accommodate them? Why would you want to be in a relationship where you lived in fear of offending someone?

Too many people go into dating with the mindset that "I just want them to like me" instead of focusing on the thoughts, "Do I like them? Is this the kind of person I want to be with?". You need to see if you truly gel and walking on egg shells constantly trying to figure out how to please someone else is the quickest way to lose sight of who YOU are.

For the record, I'm a very independent woman aged 31 and I'm used to doing everything alone. Sometimes, walking back to my car late at night in a strange city for example, I feel a little insecure but I'm used to just getting on with it. I would be touched if someone sent me a txt asking me if I got home alright because I'm used to no one bothering and sometimes its nice to know that someone cared. I am a very caring, thoughtful person and it's important to me that the Man I settle down with is equally caring and considerate. I'm not going to lie, I find a man with impeccable manners (not just towards me but to everyone) the ultimate turn on . I see it as a sign of respect and a lack of selfishness and I am attracted to those traits.

I've had my heartbroken because I didn't pay attention to early signs of incompatibility and that fact we had different expectations. That's why I truly believe its important for both parties to be totally upfront about who they are to to be honest within themselves about what they expect from a romantic relationship.

aaa13ljsldjfldskj

I had a really good evening and she text me before I'd got back home.

The only thing I didn't agree with, the waiter poured my wine first before hers. So i swapped glasses when mine was poured.

FBaby

Too many people go into dating with the mindset that "I just want them to like me"

I totally agree with your post overall. People try too hard to be what is bound to be what their date wants when the whole point of dating is trying to find out whether you might be compatible as who each really is. People assume that being compatible is about sharing similar interests when although this helps, what matters most is sharing similar outlooks on life.

System

FBaby wrote: »

I totally agree with your post overall. People try too hard to be what is bound to be what their date wants when the whole point of dating is trying to find out whether you might be compatible as who each really is. People assume that being compatible is about sharing similar interests when although this helps, what matters most is sharing similar outlooks on life.

I think this is something i'm only just starting to realise In the past i seem to have tried to change myself to fit in what people wanted me to be, ultimately it never worked, because i wasn't myself and we weren't compatible.

aaa13ljsldjfldskj

I think you need to be comfortable with yourself before you can be comfortable with others.

If I'm honest I still love my ex but if i dont get out and form friendships with people, I feel i wont be able to move on.

Friendships not relationships.....☺

cashewnut

dRic40 wrote: »

I think you need to be comfortable with yourself before you can be comfortable with others.

If I'm honest I still love my ex but if i dont get out and form friendships with people, I feel i wont be able to move on.

Friendships not relationships.....☺

Do your dates know you're only after friendship though? When I was internet dating I was looking for a potential relationship, not a friendship!

misspickle_2

dRic40 wrote: »

I had a really good evening and she text me before I'd got back home.

The only thing I didn't agree with, the waiter poured my wine first before hers. So i swapped glasses when mine was poured.

Awwww this is lovely dRic

misspickle_2

dRic40 wrote: »

I think you need to be comfortable with yourself before you can be comfortable with others.

If I'm honest I still love my ex but if i dont get out and form friendships with people, I feel i wont be able to move on.

Friendships not relationships.....☺

The best relationships grow from friendships. There is nothing wrong with taking things slow

Sorry to hear about your ex. It will fade in time.

Glad your date went well! Are you seeing her again?

Rebel_Cause

VfM4meplse wrote: »

There is one act that costs nothing but totally raises my opinion of a man: taking the kerb-side of the pavement. It's a small thing that to me speaks volumes!

My OH does this, almost compulsively!

mellymoo74

OH takes kerb also calls to check I'm safe.
He opens doors holds coats basically born in the wrong era. He's a lovely well mannered man