Etiquette after a first date?

poorlittlefish

After a long, long time out of the dating scene I've decided it would be nice to meet someone and joined one of the online sites. I exchanged daily emails with one particular chap, we met up on Monday and he asked if I'd like to meet again, to which I said yes.


I kind of expected a "hope you got home OK" sort of text, but none materialised, so just before I went to bed I sent a quick message to say thanks and that I'd be happy to meet again.


He eventually text me back yesterday morning, saying we could "meet up next week if you like" and although I replied to say that'd be fine I've heard nothing more and there's been no message via the website. I know some people aren't glued to their phones but it's been 24 hours and I'm not sure what's supposed to happen.


I really don't know what the etiquette for contact after a first date is nowadays. Should I just leave it at that and if he replies then fine? How long before it becomes a case of him saying he'd like to see me again when in fact he doesn't? I feel like such a fool asking this question at my age but I don't like game-players and wonder if this is the norm or if I'm just expecting too much.

janb5

it`s the first time you`ve dipped your toe in the water. If he is interested he`ll call. Don't run after him. If he doesn't contact you, there`s your answer,


Annoying I know but there`s lots of good guys out there!

tea_lover

Leave it. He knows you want to meet again and you've already contacted him. He may just be busy, or not want to appear too keen. If he's interested, he knows where you are.

Gra76

Why not send him another message asking what he'd like to do and which nights he's free?

Don't be too impatient with him, maybe he's not in a rush to get into anything? From the way it comes across on your post you're expecting instant replies to every message. Don't chase him away before you even really got started.

aaa13ljsldjfldskj

from the read of your message, I have the same thought process as you...

is it too soon, have I text too much etc etc....

I'm about to go on my first date for 3 1/2 years this Saturday and after it, I would certainly text to say that I had a good time and that I appreciated her company.

its slightly different for me though because we go to the same gym, so I can follow up verbally.

he maybe playing the three day rule - search three day rule on urban dictionary.

good luck

aileth

As difficult as it is, I would leave it for now and possibly send a message next Sunday/Monday saying something like, "Hey, when's best for you this week?" If he doesn't respond to that then he's obviously a goner, but multiple messages in the same week after a first meeting (especially since you were discussing meeting next week) might come off a little strong.

themull1

I think he seems a bit wishy washy, not really committing to anything, a bit vague etc. I wouldn't reply. Was he nice on the date?

onlyroz

If it went "shall we meet up next week?" and you replied "yes that's fine", then he might be left feeling that you weren't that bothered. Perhaps you could try again with "I'm free on Tuesday or Thursday after 6PM, would either work for you?".

DSmiffy

onlyroz wrote: »

If it went "shall we meet up next week?" and you replied "yes that's fine", then he might be left feeling that you weren't that bothered. Perhaps you could try again with "I'm free on Tuesday or Thursday after 6PM, would either work for you?".

I would echo the above. If you want a reply to your text, put a question in it.

maybe not just say "yes I'd love to meet up next week", say "I'd love to meet up, I'm free on Fri or sat, Any good for you?"

He may be having the same dilemma, wanting to contact you but not wanting to look like he's swamping you with messages. You maybe didn't give him a question to respond to.

poorlittlefish

Yes, good point. What my text actually said (other than replying to chit-chat about the snow) was, "Yes, next week is good for me other than Monday, so let me know." My last sentence (3 in total!) just said I hoped his presentation was going OK. I suppose, then, that I should play the waiting game as I've said to let me know about next week so really it's down to him now. If I've not heard by Sunday I might do as suggested by aileth but that will definitely be the end of it otherwise.

Snakey

The best way to keep cool is to have some dates with other people. That way he's an option and not your everything.

The thing you may not be aware of is that these days, apparently, you're only exclusive if you've had a conversation and agreed you're exclusive. Until then, assume that everyone you meet on a dating site is continuing to approach, chat with and meet other people. They've paid a subscription, after all. If you concentrate on people one at a time, you're going to put yourself at a disadvantage because they are going to mean more to you than you do to them.

So don't go over-thinking it - the lack of a swift response may just mean he isn't desperate, not that he isn't interested. He may have three or four people to arrange first, second or third dates with and that's quite a lot to juggle around with the rest of your work and social life. My advice is to get yourself into the same situation, so that you can approach it with the same mindset.