Etiquette after a first date?

ellesbellesxxx

Excellent advice here. From my own online dating experience, unfortunately a whole different set of rules applies... Even one guy didn't walk me to my car... Yes I know I am capable but down a dark alley? Maybe not in to me but gallant fail also!
My now husband and I met on match... He messaged straight after to say had great time lets meet again... After a couple of weeks we then had the exclusive convo.
You deserve better op. Now get on some dates!!!

trolleyrun

There's the possibility that "he's just not that into you". He might get in touch, then again he might not. His loss, really.

As for the people who get offended by a "hope you got home safe" text: really? I don't see it as patronising at all. I see it as caring. I've sent similar texts to my now bf. It goes both ways. I like being treated nicely, and find it sweet when he opens doors etc. There are far worse things a man can do than to be nice, and there are far more things happening in the world to be offended by if one wishes.

fivetide

Wow. I am amazed at the reaction of the ladies to being asked if they got home ok. I would probably do that the next day as an ice breaker, after all their bus could have been late, it might have been a mare to get a cab or something so I would have thought it was just polite.


Now on the don't do list!

fierystormcloud

trolleyrun wrote: »

There's the possibility that "he's just not that into you". He might get in touch, then again he might not. His loss, really.

As for the people who get offended by a "hope you got home safe" text: really? I don't see it as patronising at all. I see it as caring. I've sent similar texts to my now bf. It goes both ways. I like being treated nicely, and find it sweet when he opens doors etc. There are far worse things a man can do than to be nice, and there are far more things happening in the world to be offended by if one wishes.

This ^^^ :T

fivetide wrote: »

Wow. I am amazed at the reaction of the ladies to being asked if they got home ok. I would probably do that the next day as an ice breaker, after all their bus could have been late, it might have been a mare to get a cab or something so I would have thought it was just polite.

Now on the don't do list!

Yes it IS polite, and it shows good manners. Don't stop doing it if this is the kind of man you are.

If I were a man, I would not want to be in a relationship with a woman who finds it insulting and offensive and patronising to receive a text from a man saying 'hope you got home OK,' and I would not be asking her on a second date.

So if she DID make it clear she was offended by it, this would tell me that she is not the woman for me anyway - not someone who finds a kind and thoughtful text patronising and offensive.

So I would not bother with her again. I mean, God forbid I should open a door for her, or offer to buy her a drink, or ask if I can carry her bags for her; she would probably throw a frying pan at me!

aaa13ljsldjfldskj

fierystormcloud wrote: »

This ^^^ :T



Yes it IS polite, and it shows good manners. Don't stop doing it if this is the kind of man you are.

If I were a man, I would not want to be in a relationship with a woman who finds it insulting and offensive and patronising to receive a text from a man saying 'hope you got home OK,' and I would not be asking her on a second date.

So if she DID make it clear she was offended by it, this would tell me that she is not the woman for me anyway - not someone who finds a kind and thoughtful text patronising and offensive.

So I would not bother with her again. I mean, God forbid I should open a door for her, or offer to buy her a drink, or ask if I can carry her bags for her; she would probably throw a frying pan at me!

Frying pan. A bit sexist isnt it......lol

fierystormcloud

dRic40 wrote: »

Frying pan. A bit sexist isnt it......lol

Well it was either that or the iron or the vacuum cleaner :rotfl:

Angry_Bear

fierystormcloud wrote: »

So if she DID make it clear she was offended by it, this would tell me that she is not the woman for me anyway

^^ This.

I would find a text on the night pretty pushy and a little patronising. A polite follow-up the next day would be okay.
A man (or woman) who holds a door open for me because he got there first and is a decent person is no problem, but someone who goes rushing for a door or running round to pull out chairs and open car doors or tries to carry my bags as if I'm incapable would make me feel incredibly uncomfortable.

Basically, the sort of person I would be incompatible with, different people have different "styles", if yours don't match with someone else's it's not that either is necessarily "wrong" but might mean that you're incompatible.

trolleyrun

I've yet to meet a man who opens doors/pulls out a chair/offers to carry bags because he thinks a woman is incapable of doing it herself. Such a man is just being a gentleman as far as I'm concerned. I just really can't take offence at someone being nice and polite to me.

VestanPance

I got called a 'misogynistic ba$tard' the other week for holding a door open for the "lady" behind me!

fivetide

Right - texting the next day and door holding back on the agenda then. To be fair, I hold a door for anyone following me in/out of a place. Male/female it doesn't matter but I never cease to be amazed by the lack of people who say thanks.