Etiquette after a first date?

Serendipitious

Snakey wrote: »

As for the late-night text, I think if you have a genuine concern over whether they got home safely you shouldn't be leaving it until the next morning as that's a long time to spend being tortured in someone's cellar or lying in the park with a broken ankle. If it's nothing more than a piece of small talk designed to give you an excuse to get in touch, we're back to the "does this mean he is/isn't interested?" thing and it isn't rude, per se, if there is no such text. I suspect it falls under the large list of things which are cute/sweet/nice if you like the person and creepy/patronising/offensive if you don't.

Exactly.

I think it's courteous and polite to phone or message after the date arrives home. In any case, how can enquiring after someone's wellbeing possibly be 'wrong' ?

In days gone by, the lady would have been safely escorted home following a date. But distance and geography and other factors come into it now. And it's probably very unwise to lead an unknown person from a dating website straight to your front door!

So to me the text fulfils two functions, it enables the man not to seem too pushy, whilst still showing he cares enough to ensure his date is OK.

pimento

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

Really? I haven't been on a date in a long time, but if I did I would never ask that as I'd feel like I was being massively condescending, as if getting home was something she could barely manage on her own.

Most of my close friends are women and I know they can get home on their own!

It's a device to let your date know that you're interested, not necessarily to make sure they got home alright. It's an excuse for contact.

fierystormcloud

VestanPance wrote: »

I got called a 'misogynistic ba$tard' the other week for holding a door open for the "lady" behind me!

This does not surprise me, given some of the responses on here.

As quite a number of posters have said, it's borderline bizarre to find a text asking if you got home OK patronising, misogynistic or insulting.

What IS the world coming to?

Doing this is just basic manners and consideration. I can't fathom for a split second how someone can find it offensive.

trolleyrun

Worry_Wart wrote: »

So when you go out with a gaggle of female friends, do you text each and every one of them to see if they got home okay? I never do. I assume they got home okay like they assume I did. Ditto my male friends. Is that bad manners?

Maybe it's just the done thing for some groups of people,and not for others. If I went around to someone's house and they made me dinner, I'd text when I got home to say thanks. But otherwise I'd never text anyone after a night out.

When I go out with friends we do check that each person got home safely. Then again, I don't go out with a gaggle of them.

Peter333

pimento wrote: »

It's a device to let your date know that you're interested, not necessarily to make sure they got home alright. It's an excuse for contact.

I agree. And it does seem like a nice thing to do, to text to see if she got home safe. What's wrong with that? :huh:

burnoutbabe

Its not that its rude or not to text to see if they got home safely post date, it just he's not that interested if he didn't bother.

So next!

misspickle_2

Have you heard from him op? Have you been out again?

Update please

dragonette

I dislike the implication that I am somehow unable to get myself home safely because I was on a date rather than any other activity.
However, i let people know this the first time it happens and is rarely an issue.

Recently, I've been ill and therefore have been letting people know that I've got home safely. As I'm ill, the concern seems reasonable.


In the OP's case, the more general lack of contact is a different thing.

VfM4meplse

VestanPance wrote: »

I got called a 'misogynistic ba$tard' the other week for holding a door open for the "lady" behind me!

Then she doesn't deserve to be treated like a lady. You're treating her nicely, she could at least have the grace to accept your consideration.

There is one act that costs nothing but totally raises my opinion of a man: taking the kerb-side of the pavement. It's a small thing that to me speaks volumes!

Jagraf

I love having doors opened for me and anyone being kind enough to ask if I was home safely is nice. I always ask my parents to let me know when they get home, same with DD same with Hubbie and if I've been out with friends.