Etiquette after a first date?

poorlittlefish · 4 March 2015 at 7:41PM

Yes, you're right. Time waits for no (wo)man so I've already made arrangements to see a friend one evening next week and agreed to go on a date with someone else (don't fancy him but he might be more handsome in person, as Monday's one was). At this rate, if he gets in touch I'll already be fully booked, ha!

To answer a previous question he was the one who emailed me first and we exchanged shortish messages every day prior to the date. Manners and decency are important to me so I shall take everyone's advice and refuse to make him a priority when I'm just an option.

Pthree · 4 March 2015 at 9:19PM

VfM4meplse wrote: »

OP, forget it. A date that doesn't text you to see if you're back home safe lacks basic manners as well as consideration.
Surely you deserve more than that?

This.

You could start playing the 'game' and try a random text "Yes thanks so much, I really enjoyed myself" followed swiftly with a "so sorry wrong xxx" (what ever his name is) to see if you get a response.

If you do there is a chance he was playing it cool, if not you know where you stand, but to be honest I wouldn't bother!

onomatopoeia99 · 4 March 2015 at 9:40PM

poorlittlefish wrote: »

I kind of expected a "hope you got home OK" sort of text

Really? I haven't been on a date in a long time, but if I did I would never ask that as I'd feel like I was being massively condescending, as if getting home was something she could barely manage on her own.

Most of my close friends are women and I know they can get home on their own!

TBeckett100 · 4 March 2015 at 10:34PM

poorlittlefish wrote: »

After a long, long time out of the dating scene I've decided it would be nice to meet someone and joined one of the online sites. I exchanged daily emails with one particular chap, we met up on Monday and he asked if I'd like to meet again, to which I said yes.

I kind of expected a "hope you got home OK" sort of text, but none materialised, so just before I went to bed I sent a quick message to say thanks and that I'd be happy to meet again.

He eventually text me back yesterday morning, saying we could "meet up next week if you like" and although I replied to say that'd be fine I've heard nothing more and there's been no message via the website. I know some people aren't glued to their phones but it's been 24 hours and I'm not sure what's supposed to happen.

I really don't know what the etiquette for contact after a first date is nowadays. Should I just leave it at that and if he replies then fine? How long before it becomes a case of him saying he'd like to see me again when in fact he doesn't? I feel like such a fool asking this question at my age but I don't like game-players and wonder if this is the norm or if I'm just expecting too much.

He could be dating others which you should also do.

dragonette · 4 March 2015 at 10:36PM

fierystormcloud wrote: »

Why?

I think it's a decent and considerate thing to do. Why on earth is it 'condescending?'

If i were the OP, I would do as several people have suggested, and contact HIM and suggest a date for next week/whenever. Why should the man always do the chasing! It's the 21st century FGS.

I find it condescending and patronising, as if I need to be checked up on when in fact I'm capable of getting myself home just fine thank you. In fact, I did it every day for years!

Its a pet hate of mine

tea_lover · 4 March 2015 at 10:41PM

Yep, pet hate of mine too! The only person allowed to ask if I got home ok is my dad

fierystormcloud · 4 March 2015 at 10:49PM

dragonette wrote: »

I find it condescending and patronising, as if I need to be checked up on when in fact I'm capable of getting myself home just fine thank you. In fact, I did it every day for years!

Its a pet hate of mine

There is nothing wrong with a bit of consideration and thought. Do you also find it 'condescending' and 'patronising' when a man opens a door for you out of politeness and chivalry, because you are 'quite capable of doing it yourself?'

What on earth has society become, when a man is afraid to send a text to a woman saying 'I hope you got home OK' without her being offended, because she finds it patronising and condescending.

Daft.

ifstar · 4 March 2015 at 10:57PM

Pthree wrote: »

This.

You could start playing the 'game' and try a random text "Yes thanks so much, I really enjoyed myself" followed swiftly with a "so sorry wrong xxx" (what ever his name is) to see if you get a response.

If you do there is a chance he was playing it cool, if not you know where you stand, but to be honest I wouldn't bother!

As a bloke, if someone did this then I'd think they were really strange as it's quite obviously not a mistake. Any phone from the last 10 years lets you respond to messages by replying from the previous message, so you aren't creating a new message and selecting a contact.

tea_lover · 4 March 2015 at 11:09PM

Pthree wrote: »

This.

You could start playing the 'game' and try a random text "Yes thanks so much, I really enjoyed myself" followed swiftly with a "so sorry wrong xxx" (what ever his name is) to see if you get a response.

If you do there is a chance he was playing it cool, if not you know where you stand, but to be honest I wouldn't bother!

This screams bunny boiler!

System · 4 March 2015 at 11:36PM

I don't think i have any better advice than whats been give, i'm kind of new to this dating lark myself but my expereience has been different. I startd talking to a guy on friday and met up with him yesterday, and pretty much from the second he went home we were still messaging each other, we've talked pretty much constantly and we're meeting up again next week. I think if someone is really interested they will make it pretty obvious, if they are blowing hot and cold wither they're not sure or they are keeping their options open (which i understand is what people do nowadays)