do i have to pay for childcare?

Broadwood

bradrock wrote: »

She gets benefits. I get nothing and never have what are u talking about.

You just don't get it do you?

Who's the idiot?

swingaloo

The benefits are for YOUR child, doesn't matter if they are Tax Credits, Child Benefit or Childcare vouchers, doesn't matter which parent they are paid to, they are still benefits for YOUR child so yes, benefits are paid because you produced a child, it doesn't matter that they don't go into your pocket to spend on your girlfriend, they are still tax payers money paid to help support YOUR child therefore as parents you do get benefits for your child but they are paid to the resident parent.

Marisco

Am I missing something here? Where has the op mentioned a girlfriend??

notanewuser

Marisco wrote: »

Am I missing something here? Where has the op mentioned a girlfriend??

Taaaa daaaa

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/5169377

duchy

When you have a child as a couple - you make arrangements to arrange for that child to be cared for. If you choose to seperate and choose to no longer live with your child - that doesn't absolve you of that responsibility.

Plenty of parents change jobs specifically to ensure better care for their child - a job that has worked when the other parent has taken 100% responsibility for child care so last moment shift changes or sudden trips away don't impact on the child- may not work if the parents seperate or if they don't but the other parent's work pattern changes. Ultimately there is always a balance -a job you like with child unfriendly hours -or more reliable hours and more stability for your child. If both pay minimum wage to most parents it's a bit of a no-brainer.

I've had an ex-husband whose work could cause mayhem with his regular access as although he notationally worked Monday to Friday - there were regular deadlines that needed weekend work and some overseas travel that often crossed weekends. The difference was his job paid exceptionally well which meant child support was higher and I could afford to take a lower paid position that although from a career viewpoint disadvantaged me meant I could offer him the flexibility he needed. Had he worked a minimum wage job it wouldn't have being practical.

In the long term I was still disadvantaged as it affected my career progression and earning power but it was a compromise I was prepared to make but only because it was better for my child and we worked at it with a spirit of co operation. Had my ex had the sort of attitude the OP is displaying I'd have likely not been prepared to offer the flexibility.

The OP's ex's responsibility is to her child not to facilitate the OP's lifestyle -and certainly not to allow him to mess her Mum about too.

If the OP chooses a job that makes no consideration for his child -and expects the other parent and her family to pick up the slack for his own failings to meet his responsibility to his child - then frankly he deserves everything he gets.

lulu_92

duchy wrote: »

When you have a child as a couple - you make arrangements to arrange for that child to be cared for. If you choose to seperate and choose to no longer live with your child - that doesn't absolve you of that responsibility.

Plenty of parents change jobs specifically to ensure better care for their child - a job that has worked when the other parent has taken 100% responsibility for child care so last moment shift changes or sudden trips away don't impact on the child- may not work if the parents seperate or if they don't but the other parent's work pattern changes. Ultimately there is always a balance -a job you like with child unfriendly hours -or more reliable hours and more stability for your child. If both pay minimum wage to most parents it's a bit of a no-brainer.

I've had an ex-husband whose work could cause mayhem with his regular access as although he notationally worked Monday to Friday - there were regular deadlines that needed weekend work and some overseas travel that often crossed weekends. The difference was his job paid exceptionally well which meant child support was higher and I could afford to take a lower paid position that although from a career viewpoint disadvantaged me meant I could offer him the flexibility he needed. Had he worked a minimum wage job it wouldn't have being practical.

In the long term I was still disadvantaged as it affected my career progression and earning power but it was a compromise I was prepared to make but only because it was better for my child and we worked at it with a spirit of co operation. Had my ex had the sort of attitude the OP is displaying I'd have likely not been prepared to offer the flexibility.

The OP's ex's responsibility is to her child not to facilitate the OP's lifestyle -and certainly not to allow him to mess her Mum about too.

If the OP chooses a job that makes no consideration for his child -and expects the other parent and her family to pick up the slack for his own failings to meet his responsibility to his child - then frankly he deserves everything he gets.

Excellent post.

Jagraf

bradrock wrote: »

She certainly gets benefits i definately get my wagew which i work for thats it.

That's not what I mean. I mean how do you see the relationship with your daughter and your future?

bradrock

My relationship with my daughter is great. My girlfriend has a biy 2 years older who never sees his dad coz he cant be bothered so i get no free time at all which is fine thats life.
At the end of the day if im working away at tge drop of a hat i cant just arrange childcare nor afford it which is why i asked the question on here.

Jagraf

bradrock wrote: »

My relationship with my daughter is great. My girlfriend has a biy 2 years older who never sees his dad coz he cant be bothered so i get no free time at all which is fine thats life.
At the end of the day if im working away at tge drop of a hat i cant just arrange childcare nor afford it which is why i asked the question on here.

Ok, so sorry for pushing, what do you want your ex partner to do about it?

Imagine she has absolutely no responsibility to you, or to your daughter, while you have her. What would you do then?

Also, if you are doing overtime at the drop of a hat, you can actually use that money to pay for child care in theory.

Your relationship with our ex is over. She has no responsibility whatsoever to you. Her working arrangements are hers, and not any of your business any more. Your responsibilitynismto make sure either your daughter has childcare or not do the overtime. They are your choices, hard as it may be.

Can't your Girlfriend look after your daughter while you work?

FBaby

I had the same issue with my ex mainly during school holidays. He always liked to make a point about his right of seeing his kids regularly (weekly rather than every other week-end) but when it came to his part with responsibilities over the holidays, that became my sole responsibility. I worked full-time, was not entitled to tax credits (even towards childcare) and got no maintenance from him, so it did mean a lot to me to try to avoid using holiday clubs.

It was the same thing every summer though. I would email in advance and asked when he was planning on having them, giving him dates when I could take time off, or when other family members could. Each time, I had to email at last 4 times and then start to raise my temper for him to get back to me (as couldn't book anything until I heard back from him), and every time, it came back with the very few days he could have them, usually a total of 4 or 5 days over the whole 6 weeks. Each time the email ended with 'sorry can't offer more'.

It's amazing how he could shift from the father with responsibilities and therefore rights to a babysitter who was giving me a favour by helping me with childcare because it wasn't his problem when it suited him.

I get the feeling that this is very much how OP operates too, the 'it's not my fault so therefore not my problem' attitude.