do i have to pay for childcare?

Marisco

Jagraf wrote: »

The way I understood this is that the girlfriend was helping him out? And his parents were helping him out too? That's not her bridge she's burning. She has her own bridges in her own family.

Maybe there's an issue with her not getting on with certain members of his family, but his family certainly aren't supporting her, they are supporting him.

I understand what you're saying, but maybe some don't see it like that. If people offer to help and they get kicked in the teeth for it constantly, they will probably come a time where they'll say "sod this" and not bother again, especially if they see it as helping her.

My oh's ex didn't see that I was trying help her out of a spot re child care, all she saw was "that woman is not getting my kids". Nose cut spite, rearrange to order! And because she caused such a fuss about it, screaming at oh in front of the kids, I never offered again!

Jagraf

I have to say as self employed I couldn't look after someone's kids at the drop of a hat, that means they are earning while I am losing money. I don't see how that's fair, unless OP splits the overtime?

Marisco

Jagraf wrote: »

I have to say as self employed I couldn't look after someone's kids at the drop of a hat, that means they are earning while I am losing money. I don't see how that's fair, unless OP splits the overtime?

That has to depend on the type of SE it is surely?

Jagraf

Marisco wrote: »

That has to depend on the type of SE it is surely?

Yes, that would be interesting to know.

kingfisherblue

duchy wrote: »

So you add to a difficult situation with her Mother by demanding granny babysits on "your" weekends ................and you seriously don't think you are part of the problem ?

I feel for your child- she;s just a pawn in the silly power game you are trying to play with her mother. Try putting the child 's needs first instead of your wants !

If she gets the message you are transient in her life now......as a teenager she may very well decide you aren't worth the bother- but if you are a stable part of her life now - odds are greater of her still wanting you around later when she's old enough to decide for herself.

My ex comes to see our boys every Saturday, but has let them down on many occasions - hasn't phoned when he said he would, hasn't had them overnight occasionally despite promising he would, hasn't taken them for a promised day out because the racing is on the TV. My older son has a learning disability and doesn't understand, but my younger son has had enough after ten years of being let down by his dad. He has now arranged work experience on a Saturday morning, and spends the rest of the day with a friend, while his dad sees my older son. His dad said that he would come to see him on Sundays instead, but this has happened once.


My ex can't understand why our son, now 15, prefers to do work experience and see his friends instead of seeing him. I think he has seen his dad once this year, and that was when his dad came on Sunday instead of Saturday. My younger son feels very let down by his dad and has lost respect for him. His tears over the years seem to have stopped, but the hurt feelings are still there. My ex doesn't seem to understand how often my son has cried because he has been let down, often at the last minute and with no notice.


OP, I understand that there are problems, but please don't let overtime take priority over your daughter. She'll remember the times that she waited for you, but was then told that she would be staying with her mum or nan instead of seeing her dad. I know she probably loves her mum and nan as well, but she will look forward to spending time with you. If you continue to change arrangements at the last minute, the time will come when she no longer wants to arrange anything with you, as she won't trust you to keep to it. She might be too young at the moment for that, but the time will come all too quickly.

duchy

So what if in your scenario (assuming seperated like the OP) you were already due to work too ?

Would you deem your need to work are equally important as his......or more so ....or less so ?

Financially yours is the greater priority as child support is still due to you regardless of if he does OT or not and you'd lose pay if you didn't go to work . That doesn't sound sensible to me.

What other criteria other than financial should your decision be based upon ?

Marisco wrote: »

Why should she? ......

Well that's the wrong attitude as well isn't it? If someone hooks up with someone with kids, (providing it's serious and not just a series of "aunts and uncles") then you have to be prepared to take on the kids as well (assuming the ex lets you that is!!) I'm afraid I don't subscribe to the majority view on the thread about his job though.

If you have a job you like, is permanent and secure and enjoy doing it, then to me it's sensible in the current climate to hang on to it. Yes it might "interfere" with family life, but as they say "that's life"! My ex had a job where he was on call, I've seen us load the kids in the car (for a day out) he's had a call out and had to go, leaving us to scrabble out the car as he needed it to get to work, standing on the kerb with all the kid paraphernalia and the kids whinging cos they wouldn't get a day out!

This would also have been the scenario if we were separated, there is no way he couldn't have gone if he was called. It was a good job with good prospects, pension etc, so there was no way he'd have given it up, and TBH I wouldn't have expected him to either.[/QUOTE]

duchy

So what if in your scenario (assuming seperated like the OP) you were already due to work too ?

Would you deem your need to work are equally important as his......or more so ....or less so ?

Financially yours is the greater priority as child support is still due to you regardless of if he does OT or not and you'd lose pay if you didn't go to work . That doesn't sound sensible to me.

What other criteria other than financial should your decision be based upon ?

Marisco wrote: »

Why should she? ......

Well that's the wrong attitude as well isn't it? If someone hooks up with someone with kids, (providing it's serious and not just a series of "aunts and uncles") then you have to be prepared to take on the kids as well (assuming the ex lets you that is!!) I'm afraid I don't subscribe to the majority view on the thread about his job though.

If you have a job you like, is permanent and secure and enjoy doing it, then to me it's sensible in the current climate to hang on to it. Yes it might "interfere" with family life, but as they say "that's life"! My ex had a job where he was on call, I've seen us load the kids in the car (for a day out) he's had a call out and had to go, leaving us to scrabble out the car as he needed it to get to work, standing on the kerb with all the kid paraphernalia and the kids whinging cos they wouldn't get a day out!

This would also have been the scenario if we were separated, there is no way he couldn't have gone if he was called. It was a good job with good prospects, pension etc, so there was no way he'd have given it up, and TBH I wouldn't have expected him to either.

Bluebell68

son split with his gf she was caught with other people if get what im saying
the word Bang tail comes to mind


they have beautiful little girl
any how he works got a 28hr contract more in summer
son has dau 3 or 4 days week and the nights
while ex works cash in hand as many days as can

son has bought again new car seat she wont let him have other 1 even tho cant drive
he bought new cot bedding all new clothes etc
he buys his dau milk every week
has had buy new pram as she wont let him use the 1 he bought when they were together
he buys nappies and anything else she needs
he is back living with us so what ever I am cooking and she can eat I mash thro sieve and freeze it for her

he is on £6.50 an hour
an insurance etc
he has to drive 15 miles each way get to work
she gets £7 an hour cash in hand pays out nothing its down the road from where she now lives

he pays me house keep
if she gets extra shift we have little 1 last week was for 6 days and nights
it seems she can do no more than 2 days with her little 1 till she is palming her off
and no its not me being nasty its me saying the truth and what her own gran said to her

she pays no rent her mother pays it now she kicked son out
she pays no elec its in rent so is heating
she was out drinking all weekend an yet moans has no money

you pay£170 which I think is a decent amount seeing as she is also working
you look after your child same as she does

both seem to be paying for your child
Bluebell68

duchy

Did you mean this to be a new thread ?

Or are you the mother of the OP

Or just posting randomly ???????

Bluebell68

oooppps sorry new thrread