do i have to pay for childcare?

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Kids need stability, which staying fortnightly generally gives them. I'd suggest that a) you talk to your boss and explain you have responsibilities that mean you need to know in advance what your contracted shifts are and b) you recognise that when you are the parent caring for your child, it's not mum's job to sort out your part as well as her own.

This doesn't mean you have to be at her beck and call, but she can't be at yours either.

Gigglepig

I think you are being unreasonable OP. Your shift pattern, and childcare arrangements during "your" days should frankly not be your ex's problem. Your ex would need to be a saint not to find this frustrating.

Kynthia

When your ex has the child and needs to work or go somewhere she can't take the child she arranges childcare. You need to have set times where you have the child, and then if you need to work or go out then you arrange childcare. Whether you pay for childcare or get your friends and family to babysit is up to you.

The £170 child maintenance you pay is a contribution to your child's costs such as accommodation, extra utilities, clothes, books, food, toys, medicines, and unless to contribute to these adhoc costs it will include school trips, uniforms, any clubs or lessons, friends birthday gifts, etc. This money doesn't mean your ex should care for your child whenever you can't or won't and should put their plans on hold until you confirm last minute whether you'll be having your child or not. Although there's nothing stopping you both coming up with some kind of reciprocal arrangement.

Jagraf

You're not paying maintenance for a nanny.

Wilma33

Presumably that £170 has been worked out on the basis that you have your daughter stay with you every other weekend. If you can't commit to that then you should be paying more.


How would you feel if your ex said you couldn't return your daughter to her after one weekend as her shifts have changed and she has to go into work? Make an arrangement and stick to it.

Anatidaephobia

arbrighton wrote: »

Why on earth don't you know shifts sooner? Most shift workers I know have their schedules weeks or even months in advance.

From the sounds of it, he could easily work for the same company that my partner does. He often doesn't know his shift til the day before and it can occasionally be changed as late as 9pm, even when he's starting at 4 or 5am next day! Hours have varied from 37 to 80 (although 80 is extreme and rare).

Jagraf

My ex moved away (sometimes the other side of he world away) and never once asked me if it was ok. He just told me. This went on for 10 years and therefore gradually the relationship with his daughter became more like seeing an uncle than a father. He always paid maintenance but it caused no end of disruption to me.

I did just suck it up but for your relationship with your daughter I think its essential that you try to stick to routine, even if it means you have to change jobs (from the opposite perspective thats what i had to do). My DD doesn't see him very often, he's not a stable part of her life and she never relies on him, even though things are amicable.

Marisco

Jagraf wrote: »

My ex moved away (sometimes the other side of he world away) and never once asked me if it was ok. He just told me. This went on for 10 years and therefore gradually the relationship with his daughter became more like seeing an uncle than a father. He always paid maintenance but it caused no end of disruption to me.

I did just suck it up but for your relationship with your daughter I think its essential that you try to stick to routine, even if it means you have to change jobs (from the opposite perspective thats what i had to do). My DD doesn't see him very often, he's not a stable part of her life and she never relies on him, even though things are amicable.

I think that's a bit drastic, especially as jobs these days are not that easy to find! Fine if you have a skill that is in high demand, but otherwise IMO it's wise to stick to the job you already have, especially if it's a secure one! Or he might end up with all the time in the world, no job and no money for anything, only 5/7 quid a week maintenance!

Jagraf

Marisco wrote: »

I think that's a bit drastic, especially as jobs these days are not that easy to find! Fine if you have a skill that is in high demand, but otherwise IMO it's wise to stick to the job you already have, especially if it's a secure one! Or he might end up with all the time in the world, no job and no money for anything, only 5/7 quid a week maintenance!

Ok fair point, maybe a lot more straightforward to get a babysitter!

I do think sticking to a routine is crucial though, so that both parents are seen to be stable and reliable.

notanewuser

Something doesn't add up.

£170 maintenance per month implies a salary of around £17k per year. Which at 90 hours a week is the equivalent of £3.78 gross per hour.

:think: