The single track road - life on a different path

System

Omg, reading about your dream brought tears to my eyes!! How wonderful and comforting - he's still looking after you It reminds me of a dream I had when I was pregnant with Lulu. My nan (who died when I was 17) was in her hospital bed and all the family were sitting around her. She was alive, but wasn't moving and her eyes were shut. She was really weak. I then told her that I had given birth to a girl, and that I was holding her. My nan managed to gain enough strength to smile, and then when I presented my baby to her, she kissed her. Then she went back to sleep, forever. I still remember every moment of that dream, and it was quite a while ago now x

MeandO

Wow, how lovely Becs.

I always want to dream about the people I've lost, but it never happens. I guess they only pop by when they know they're needed most.

:heart2:
x

Levi-

so I was just eating sweetcorn out the tin and it made me about you (yes you, you bonkers sweetcorn eating thing you ) x

MeandO

I've upgraded Levi - two corn on the cobs are currently sat in my fridge.


I went for my follow up appointment with the doctor yesterday and I think Litly's been talking to him because he'd like me to try the Keto diet for a month to see how I get on with it. Apparently it should do wonders for my tiredness, lack of energy, sleep pattern, mood and general wellbeing, I'm starting to think they're on commission!

I've been looking at it but I really am struggling to get my head round it at the moment, or rather, struggling to get my head round all of the counting atm.
The batch cooking I could certainly do, and I have found a 'budget' and 'slow cooker' recipe book for Keto (haven't bought them until I decided whether or not to commit), but have downloaded a 30 day plan for now and will read through it tonight.
I have to say, I like the sound of a lot of the food and recipes, but it's just the oils/crazy flours/substitution and counting that scares me.



Not much other news really. I bought some more wood for operation pirate ship yesterday, so can get on with that again soon.

My extra payments pot has had some more spare change deposited in it this morning, saves me bringing cash to work and buying cr*p from the vending machine.

Was exhausted last night, to the point of feeling quite ill, so I went to bed as soon as the washing had finished drying. Didn't sleep great though, surprise, surprise.

Happy hump day all

xx

MeandO

I'm not in a very good mood tonight and feeling quite despondent. I don't really know why, just a few slightly annoying things today have mounted up and a general lack of 'oomph' in my life at the moment I think and frustration about a lot of situations.

Ds is in bed, I've watered the plants, had a quick clean of the bathrooms and kitchen, packaged an item for return tomorrow (that'll be £53 back to the credit card), and now I really don't know what to do with myself. there's plenty I could be doing, but I can't be &rsed.
Definitely need some sleep tonight to chase these grumps away methinks. 😤

MeandO

Well, I was on my way up to bed, but I remembered the bag of change my Mum had given me when I was with them. I started putting it into my 'overpayments' money box, but it soon got full (it's not very big!) so I emptied it, counted it and there's £42.34 in there. I've just made a payment of this amount to the loan and will put the cash in the bank tomorrow, so the signature's gone down very slightly. One I receive a refund for some items I am returning, there'll be another £53 coming off it to.


I need to start making and saving more pennies now and making small extra payments. I learnt from last time I was tackling debts that every little payment soon added up, even the pennies.


Night all.
x

apple_muncher

Night night lovely one xx

MeandO

This early night plan isn't working is it.
I promised Lilty I was off to bed nearly two hours ago lol!

I can't switch off tonight, I'm getting upset about how life has turned out and thinking about how it was never meant to be like this. I don't know what's set me off. keep thinking back to when I was expecting ds and when he was a baby and I would never in a million years have guessed things would end up like this. I remember me and the ex saying we didn't know how single parents coped and how nothing like that would ever happen to us. I feel like I've cheated Ds out of the best life he could've had, and out of siblings and a mum and dad who were there every morning and night for him.

I keep thinking of the house we had then and how much it felt like home compared to this place. That was my home, this just a house I'm stuck with, that I'm uncomfortable in and that is filled with unhappy memories.

I still can't bring myself to write or update DS's journal I've been writing since he was born, it's been well over a year now since I looked at it.

I'm feeling like I've failed at everything, big time, and my son deserves so much better.

stepuptothepl8

You haven't failed at all my love ((hugs)). You left a relationship that wasn't working for you; it takes strength to do that, to not be willing to settle. You recognised that you would be doing yourself, and him, and O a massive disservice to stay in that sort of relationship. It takes real courage, and strength of character to do that. You're setting your child a BRILLIANT example of how being honest, with yourself and others, is always best. Of course life as a single parent is incredibly hard - I have an inkling here as DH is away Mon-Fri every week - and you're allowed to feel regret about a perceived grass-was-greener situation.. BUT do give yourself credit for what you've achieved, and are achieving every single day. You're a fabulously creative, hardworking mummy, and you're doing a great job

hummingbird

Fabulous post Step, I can't really say much more other than to send my love & support over as reinforcement....I was married in my "past life" - we didn't have children but I found it hard enough with just me......... I'm full of admiration for you and all you're achieving xxxxx Big hugs xxxxx