The single track road - life on a different path

apple_muncher

Step has put it so well.

You are not a failure, you are not defined by your past and what you did or did not do. Like humming, I am full of admiration for you and what you are achieving.

Lots of huggles xx

System

Sweetheart, it is clear from your posts how much you and O love each other. He deserves the best, and that's what he's got!! He has a mummy & daddy who both love him very much & always put him first. It's just that his mummy & daddy aren't together anymore, but that's not a bad thing when the relationship wasn't right for you. As stepup said, it takes strength and courage. You are awesome.

Did you speak to Him last night? Was he able to comfort you over the phone?

Well done on the change pot!! That's fab :T

Massive loves petal, I hope that today is a bit brighter xxx

MeandO

Thank you everyone, and I'm sorry for being on such a downer last night, sometimes it all just hits me and I'm literally left reeling, usually when I'm feeling like I'm doing ok. I wish it would stop.

I read a little about stages of separation last night and I can certainly relate to the grief and guilt they talk about. Grief, for the life I thought I would have and guilt for my son not having the life and siblings and family home I wanted for him.
I've got to stop thinking about this, I'm crying at my desk as it is.:o

Needless to say, I'm pretty drained and exhausted this morning but am here. Had lovely giggles and cuddles with Ds this morning before he went to his Dad's for breakfast as his Dad takes him to school every morning.

My lovely colleague (a dear friend who is like a Dad to me) asked me if I was ok as I was looking very sad today. Managed to hold it together. just.

Ds is at his Dad's tonight, so I shall get on with the garden if the weather is nice. It always helps me to feel better when I achieve something.

Thank you for your support all of you, it really does help. Both the ex and I have very little, well, pretty much no support around us in 'real life' except each other - weirdly. We both know that we've done the right thing, but it doesn't make it easier iykwim

Stepup, I read your post last night before bed and it really did help me too see sense a little, thank you.

lots of love all
x

liltdiddylilt

Step what a fabulous post.

Sorry I wasn't around last night Me&O - I *tried* to get an early night but it was after half 10 when I managed it too.

You're bound to find that things hit you... and it isn't going to go away overnight. Especially when your main support network is your family and they aren't very supportive. Sounds to me like your Grandad is on board with you and rooting for you hun. It is easier said than done but keep on doing what you are doing and as my mum is so fond of saying 'this too, shall pass'

I could say it until I am blue in the face, but you know it deep down even if you don't feel like it or accept it on the surface. You're a FAB mum. You've made some incredibly tough life choices. They weren't what you wanted, or what you envisioned for yours and O's future, but they are RIGHT. You are doing the best you can. And you are slowly turning your house that isn't a home into your own place. I am sure you will come to feel like it is home as you make small changes and put your mark on it. A summer of your beautiful boy playing in the pirate ship you built for him in the garden will surely wipe some of the old memories away and cover them in nice new ones. That is all it is about... building new, nice memories.

Big big hugs! Lots and lots of love. Always here xx

MeandO

No need to apologise hun, you're head cheerleader more times than many lately as it is!

You're all right, I know. I think the tiredness just clouds my thinking sometimes and it gets me down and makes everything seem so much worse than it is. I've really felt exhausted the past couple of days.

I am feeling better this afternoon. I met the ex for lunch for joint Home bargains shopping lol. We picked up lots of pressies for birthday parties O is always invited to, the girl's character playdough sets they currently have for £1.99 and lots of boys superhero/transformer bits for £1.99 each too, and some to put away for Ds/friend's kids for Christmas. Total spent, just under £18 which was a bargain and came out of the gift pot.

Ex bought some weed cover sheeting for £3.99 to start his garden makeover too.

We had a chat about a few things and man, I love him to bits, he's a great Dad to our son and a great friend to me, but every time we're together I'm so aware we did the right thing! We're like siblings, we really are, I'm pretty sure he feels exactly the same too lol!

Anyway, I'm looking forward to operation pirate ship tonight, an evening working in the garden will do me good.

xx

MeandO

I've just chased up two delayed payments from quidco which are worth £78, they're going to look into them for me. Will throw them at the debt when I receive them.

I'm also due an £80 payout from them in October, so hopefully that will all be able to go towards the debt too. The CC is currently 0% for a good while yet, so I'm concentrating on making all the overpayments to the loan first off.

System

MeandO wrote: »

We had a chat about a few things and man, I love him to bits, he's a great Dad to our son and a great friend to me, but every time we're together I'm so aware we did the right thing! We're like siblings, we really are, I'm pretty sure he feels exactly the same too lol!

I'm so happy to read this I know it is still tough, but the fact you are still really good friends is a rare and wonderful thing. What a lucky boy O is xxx

MeandO

Thanks becs, yeah, it was always an extremely amicable split. We will always be there for each other etc but unfortunately it became very much like living with a housemate. *that* feeling was just not there , think that's what makes it so sad.
We have both said it would probably have been easier emotionally if one had been horrible or done something rotten to the other lol.

I've done all I can in the garden tonight, have run out of wood so may have to wait until pay day to buy some more now. 😠

I've showered, done the washing/drying and sorted good for tomorrow, now just waiting for a mr T delivery to turn up.

Tried to phone Him but he's not answering which has made me a bit Meh, will try again in a bit, if he doesn't answer, I give up. He can call me. *sigh*.

Ds is at his dad's tonight and tomorrow night, so I'm hoping to sleep better tonight, but we'll see.

Love to all
X

MeandO

What is it with Mr T's deep freezing their bloody fruit & veg for the day between picking an order and delivering it.
Lately I've had pappy fruit and veg like it's been stored too cold every time I've received an order.
Tonight I managed to put my hand through a melon when picking it out of the delivery tub, it was covered in white mold and soggy. The driver refunded me there and then for that one.
Whilst unpacking the rest, the mushrooms are nearly the same, as is an avocado and raspberries.
Think I'm going to quit with the online shopping from now on and I'll have to go myself the evenings i don't have ds.

Grrrr.

Spoke to Him, he's back tomorrow, but not entirely sure whether I'm going to go over tomorrow or not. I need to be back here early Saturday and I could do without another night of him's daughter if she's in the same mood as she was last week.
Think I might just do some batch cooking and enjoy the peace whilst I can!
X

MeandO

Inspired by another thread entitled 'Paying off credit card with gumtree/ebay' I've listed two items on the work selling page and also gumtree which, if sold, will raise another £85 towards the debt.

I seem to have found my motivation for getting this debt cleared lately. I'll be looking round the house tonight for any more bits that can go - avoiding ebay if possible due to the fees and hassle, but will list things on there if it doesn't sell locally.

Every little helps after all.

x