Debt Free - am I

Aaleigha

right today is going to be difficult as I see my counsellor - yes I know you all want to know how this is relevant
BUT I have come to a realisation that I cant let go
I cant let go of not just stuff but stuff in my brain
looked through photos of me with kids when baby's and saw a very different person
now not only have I lost that person but my brain lives with such white noise I find it hard to think and DO but I also physically live with clutter as I cant let it all go
so I am going to declutter BIG time
I am going to think about items and see if I want to live with them - if not I will photo them and then charity shop them - someone else might want them - there are a few things I wont let go of because I really do want them they really make me happy
I will go through each room of the house one at a time deciding on what is needed and wanted in my life and what can go
this lack of clutter will help to still my mind and hopefully less white noise will make the bipolar and anxiety easier to manage

so am going to be starting this weekend (wont get much done saturday as it is visit time and dh works in the morning) will start with space in the garden for the new shed thingy for dog food then move indoors for next week
might start on my bedroom throw away all the things I have kept just in case I am sure most of you have just in case stuff - well how long should I keep it

its my time to be good to me so out of my allowance this month not only will I be getting my hair done I will buy myself some flowers - why just because - I think sometimes we need that which makes us feel good

166million

Hi Aaleigha, sorry to read about your problems but you are coping very weel.
A cople of sites you might find useful for money saving are topcashback (if you do online shopping) and approved foods (cheap groceries with short shelf life)

Good luck with everythign

Aaleigha

166 million
thank you will look into those Hubby does quidco so mostly I log in through his account better that whoever spends puts it on one place

as for the approved foods I had not heard of them before - I will have a look but mostly I cook from scratch - not out of need but because I enjoy it even make bread - my daughter has ordered a chocolate loaf for alternate weekends - says its lovely toasted with real butter

ps went to see counsellor and we seemed to get to a very difficult moment - break through - but at the end I dropped my bag and out fell a samosaed carrier bag - counsellor said OH and I showed her - she said it was a metaphor for how I want to tidy out my life - not to just throw away but to photo stuff first - afterall stuff is not memories - so my samosaing addiction is now a metaphor - I will remember that every time I unfold a little triangle

H xx

hot chocolate and biscuits on the stand in the corner = night all

in_need_of_direction

You're being so strong. I'm totally in awe.

Aaleigha

in_need_of_direction wrote: »

You're being so strong. I'm totally in awe.

Thanks I dont feel strong when I freak out and have a panic attack when I do a prison visit like today

we booked then they starting calling you by number this started 15 mins late and you have to be there 15 mins early. so they were calling in by number and at 10 they stopped - I am 45 - after about 10 mins it was announced that the calling had stopped due to those staff being told to halt the visits - after 10 mins of this I have to go and ask what is going on - apparently they dont know - so I was told that we might not even get in today - so anxiety is really building at this point - just as they started calling again - they were told to do this slowly but at least things were moving - the searches were minimal which was great - and all this because there was a prisoner on the roof - how the hell he got there I have NO idea - so the the warders were trying to do two things and it left those working on visits a bit short on staff - plenty of police about though

so home now - dh and I were going to go out for dinner this evening but I have cancelled in him - we are doing it next week instead

working with the counsellor - and looking at old photos I was seeing things I had not noticed before and not look at them for years - funny how we look at photos without SEEING - plenty of body language in them

I have asked my son to write to my sister and try to get some photos for me of when I was little etc and say that he wants them - I cant ask my sister myself due to huge family betrayal about 14 years ago - all he said was I dont know what I can say - I told he to just ask for them - after all I have NO family history and they are just as much mine as they are my sisters - due to betrayal and trauma I have no real recollection of my life until just before my father died

so this coming month we are down to one visit and 50 quid allowance - he said he would rather it were more often and could we stretch to an extra tenner a month and I told him we are debtless and I am not going into debt over this its his life and truely at his age he knew the consequenses so he is lucky to get monetary support

so rest of money will be out of the bank tomorrow and we will do our big shop - hopefully wont be as big as last months
menus all written and list written

off for a nosey into the lives of others

Aaleigha

on todays agenda

go to nearby town to collect baby stuff for my friends daughter - a car seat - but the very very kind ebayer once told why I wanted such stuff filled two bin bags and said to give them to friends daughter from one mum to another - there are so really lovely people in this world - that task was DONE

shopping on the way home - will save fuel - done and only spent 70 and that is out big months shop - (not cleaning materials needed this month) DONE

then I started a declutter - I started with my over flowing knicker drawer - had lots and Iwondered why they were at the back - so for each style I tried the on - so many were uncomfortable - they are now in a big bag ready to go for rags - DONE

then I slept I felt so sick it was better to sleep through it - awake now and I can smell roast chicken - I am wondering how many meals for two people I will get out of one chicken - going for three but with meals for MIL as well

today has been a day of destressing after yesterday - tomorrow I will go out and post son some money - do bras and socks and tights Iam being ruthless - due to depression and other issues I have become a bit of a hoarder so not it is time to sort out my environment and I am hoping it will help with my head and all aspects of my life - less clutter = less white noise - I hope

Aaleigha

right this morning I have already done bras - so many only worn once that now dont fit due to medication induced weight gain

I am going to phone the local womens refuge to see if they would like them as they either havent been worn or only once of twice - it will all be laundered before taking

then I do the wardrobe other drawers etc I will sort womens refuge for really good stuff - charity shop for not quite so good - and rags

I want to have my bedroom sorted by next week and that will include the clothes mountain in the other room - I have been keeping the stuff that is too small on the grounds that I might be able to lose the weight - if I do then I will buy two tops two bottoms that will all mix and match and a jacket and two vest tops - very minimal but I can manage on that with some of the things I now wear ( can use a belt) then again all laundered and ready for the refuge if they want it = we have no womens aid charity shop in town which is a shame -

dinner today will be second meal from the chicken it will be chicken and mash with peas and mushrooms

lunch will be hotdog sausages cut into a small tin of beans

and breakfast was yog banana and oats

please note only four fruit and veg so will have mixed berries with a yog for dessert

I have to go and play with daughters dogs for an hour today - will take the all a pigs ear and will give mine one too
I will also post the promised money to my son while I am out

today new storage boxes should arrive for under the kitchen sink then everything I took out to sort can go back and the kitchen will be tidier

Just2Ashamed

You're doing so unbelievably well and I'm glad to see you're starting to be a bit kinder to yourself, you deserve those flowers! Hope you manage to get your bedroom sorted, but be gentle with yourself, little and often will get there just as quickly

Keep up the good work, it's so lovely to see how well you're doing.

Aaleigha

Just2Ashamed wrote: »

You're doing so unbelievably well and I'm glad to see you're starting to be a bit kinder to yourself, you deserve those flowers! Hope you manage to get your bedroom sorted, but be gentle with yourself, little and often will get there just as quickly

Keep up the good work, it's so lovely to see how well you're doing.

thank you for your visit
I am doing the bedroom more slowly than I thought I would
my knicker draw and tights draw is all sorted (that was two drawers before) and I am on socks and bras (bras are all done) socks done but now I am on the orphaned ones I found two bags of orphaned socks - I have 12 pairs of socks already in the drawer - not including my walking socks - and still a bag left - who many socks does a person have - think I will be going through them when I have all the pairs and only taking the newest ones and the ones I really like and binning the others
what a waste of money - when my drepession was at its worst I was just buying new every time I went away instead of doing all the laundry to find what I needed - and with as many bits of stuff as I have it means I dont have to keep up with the laundry - THINGS ARE GOING TO CHANGE AND ITS SRARTED ALREADY

clear house hopefully my poor bipolar brain will cope so much better although the drugs help they dont control completely so this is a mild manic episode - I hope it continues enougth to see a beautiful bedroom that will inspire me to start on the next categorie of stuff - so far the first categorie (apart from the laundry will be completed once the socks are done next category will be jumpers or it might be tee shirts - think tees if they are sorted I might have room to make the jumpers more accessable

I have made the sunday roast chicken last for three days that is 8 meals for adults - not bad me thinks

twiggy86

I really don't think you give yourself enough credit! It sounds like you have a lot going on for anyone to handle! And well done for standing up to your son! He should be grateful for what he gets!