Help please 3 year old DS turned into the devil incarnate

lavandergirl_2

I found AHA Parenting website very good.
http://www.ahaparenting.com

Toddler Calm by Sarah Ockwell Smith has been useful for us as well.

CRANKY40

The other thing about toilet training is that lots of pairs of pants are hard work. I left mine without underpants at first so he only had to deal with one item of clothing. If it was warm I left him with just underpants and socks. He hated having wet socks when he wee'd on his feet :rotfl:

Mojisola

CRANKY40 wrote: »

The other thing about toilet training is that lots of pairs of pants are hard work. I left mine without underpants at first so he only had to deal with one item of clothing.

It's really handy if toilet training coincides with warm summer weather when they can be out on the grass without pants.

notanewuser

This popped up on my FB feed this morning. Seemed appropriate.

http://www.janetlansbury.com/2012/09/respectful-parenting-is-not-passive-parenting/

fluffnutter

Northern78 wrote: »

I told him yesterday that if he stayed dry all day he could have a cookie from this shop at the shopping mall today. He didn't, he wet himself before bed so I wasn't going to let him have one

Aww, poor little pup. He didn't do it on purpose! They don't have much control over their bladders, he's been looking forward to a cookie all day, then he's not allowed one because of something he probably couldn't help.

I'm also a bit funny when it comes to using sweet food as a reward, any food really. Develops the notion of 'good' and 'bad' food and links it to behaviour and morality. You're not a 'good' person because you've only eaten salad all day, you're not a 'bad' person because you had an ice cream. That's where unhealthy attitudes towards food come from.

Treating's fine. I just try not to do it with food.

74jax

My DD is now 17 and so I have no recollection of her ever being 3...... I think I must have blanked it out......

I remember general things which 'might' help, although understandably every kid is different and you eventually find a way that is right for you - not necessarily right for everyone.

I remember throwing tantrums too. I would lay on the floor when she was playing up and kick and scream and she would stand there and look at me. That stopped her screaming. She didn't like it, so I remember saying she didn't like me doing it and I don't like her doing it, I do think it helped.

I used to reward with 'doing things' I still do that now. So you could say be good today and we will spend time making something tonight/drawing/reading a book together etc. I found with DD it had to be instant. I couldn't say be good all week and we'll go to the park on Saturday - that was to far for her attention to understand.

We had a reward chart that she collected stars on - they were removed if she was bad.

I wouldn't use sweets as reward, for many similar reasons as already mentioned.

I had a naughty step for her, a time out.

She didn't have toys in her bedroom - there was no point in sending her to her room because she had been naughty if all her toys were in there to play with. Her bedroom was to sleep only.

fluffnutter

I'm also not sure about sending kids to their rooms. Either it's a pleasurable thing so what's the point, or they start associating punishment with a place that should be safe and welcoming.

No, I prefer the cellar. Without the light on obviously.

FBaby

Whatever age your children are, you think that what you are trying to teach them at that stage is essential, that failing will have significant impact in later life, and assumed that once taught, there is no going back and it is on the next lesson!

What I've learnt now is that a lot of the routines I wanted to set in place, the lessons I wanted assimilated and the expectations I had didn't matter in many of the circumstances. I spent quite some time and energy with potty training. Both my kids had accidents for a long time, were cleaned, then not, then clean again for longer, and then had accidents again and it all seemed so important then...of course, now that they are teenagers, I can look back and smile because ultimately they were bound to be potty trained sooner than later.

I'm sure I still do the same, make a big deal of a grade, of their room being like pig sty, of not helping enough in the house, worried that they might become lazy adults etc... and I'm sure in 10 years time, I look back and think how uptight I was. It is all part of being a parent and our children will go through the same with theirs!

HelenKA_2

OP, ask your health Visitor if they know if the programme Triple P is running in your area, it is exactly what you need to get advice on how to help your child and you develop a great relationship where he will do exactly what you say, and the knock on affects will be your daughter's behaviour when her turn comes around.
Just finished training today

dancingfairy

It sounds tough at the moment and probably feels like it's been going on forever and will continue forever. I'm glad writing it down has helped, sometimes I guess you need someone else to tell you that it's all normal
I haven't got kids so apologies if what I'm suggesting is off the mark but have you though about a calender or wall planner? Each morning/bedtime as appropriate you could cross through the day until the day that daddy is coming home again. I'm not sure if that would upset everyone seeing how far away it is or whether it would provide reassurance?
Are you able to use Skype or anything to stay in touch?
It sounds like you are doing a good job. You have a 3 year old going through the trantrum phase, a baby, a partner who's away at the moment and building work.
Do you have any friends with kids at a similar age/stage to share the joys and frustration with?
df