Help please 3 year old DS turned into the devil incarnate

notanewuser

Who instigated toilet training (hate that phrase) - you or him? Toilet learning (Google it) is much calmer and more effective. 3 is very young to be doing it, especially if not his idea.

janninew

Can definitely agree with lots of praise for good behaviour. My little girl loves to be told she is a big, clever girl so I'm very ott with my praise when she is well behaved.

notanewuser

Hate that Toddler Taming book. Reward charts, treats and time out all have some pretty negative results. Especially when a young child's world has been invaded by a new baby and they're hitting some emotional development leaps themselves.

I'd recommend reading up on some Janet Lansbury.

http://www.janetlansbury.com/2012/09/biting-hitting-kicking-and-other-challenging-toddler-behavior/

CRANKY40

I liked the toddler taming book personally - I had a head banger and the advice given was spot on. I was also so entranced by all the other nasty stuff that the book described that he wasn't doing that I started thinking his behaviour wasn't that bad in comparison (compared to vomiting at will and "smearing" it actually wasn't).

We didn't have terrible twos either, but the attitude that arrived at three was stinking. The answer for us seemed to be to pick my battles. If he was tired at the end of the day, I tidied up or just left things until the next day rather than having a row about putting things away. Mine used to refuse to eat as well as a ruse to wind me up. I discovered that saying "starve then, see if I care" and leaving the room would start him eating just to be awkward. Saying goodbye at nursery prompted a performance that Shakespeare would have admired, so we stopped saying goodbye, we just pushed him through the door of his room and left (with the agreement of the staff). No fuss, no tears, no dramatics.

I have to say he is now a lovely 10 year old in company and I am regularly complimented on his manners and his "can do" attitude. At home he still likes to try and push the boundaries but it's nowhere near as hair raising as the early years were.

penguin83

You have reached the joys of the 'Threenager'


Deep breaths, a supply of wine and this too shall pass. x

pandora205

The book I recommend to parents is The Incredible Years, particularly the chapter on limit setting which goes into detail about how to manage when children disobey.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Incredible-Years-Carolyn-Webster-Stratton/dp/1892222043/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1423528514&sr=8-1&keywords=incredible+years+books

The book is the reader for Incredible Years the parenting course, which is excellent if you can find a group running in your area too.

I agree that this little lad is probably feeling left out, as it has dawned on to him that the baby is here for good. Making some time for joint play and book sharing would be a positive step to take.

fluffnutter

All childcare books are the same. The content may differ but the message is the same - do it THIS way. They're all completely prescriptive and utterly convinced theirs is the only way to bring up a child.

If they help, then that's great. But remember it's OK to mix and match - a bit from this advice guide and a bit from another. It's also OK to ignore it; if you try something that doesn't work for your child, that's fine. It just means that that particular method doesn't suit your child, it certainly doesn't mean you've failed in your implementation, or that your child has failed.

The thing that struck me most OP, is that your son's challenging behaviour hasn't actually lasted that long. It's not become entrenched by any means. My son will be horrible for a few weeks, then wonderful, then horrible again. Who knows why? Sometimes there might be a reason, but sometimes trying to find one becomes exhausting. All you can do is grit your teeth and hope things pass soon.

I will say with ABSOLUTE certainty that the recent changes in your life are the cause of your son's change in behaviour (I won't even say deterioration because it all sounds pretty normal for a 3 year old). The upheaval of a new baby and missing daddy are not things he can put in any kind of meaningful context. He feels a bit out of sorts, so he's acting out of sorts. What else can he do?

Just keep plodding on. It's just a phase. Lots of love, cuddles and reassurance, and a bit of routine is all he needs. Ditch the sticker charts and the threats - they're of limited use IMO and just accept that things are going to be rocky for a few months. It will settle in time.

dottymrsp

Please do not think by me posting this link that I think you have 'failed' your child, it's simply the title of the article... you may find it interesting http://www.renegademothering.com/2014/12/01/displaced-toddler-failed-minute/

FatVonD

Your son has seen how much attention the baby gets with all the nappy changing so has regressed because suddenly being potty trained doesn't seem to be as quite good as it was all cracked up to be.

GwylimT

They're all different so what works for one wont for another.

With my daughter (who is deadly and couls kill you with her bare hands) implied choices work such as "i bet you can't tidy your toys away in 60 seconds" so she can say no or rise to the competition. Sometimes with things like the above example we will both have a pile of toys, clothes etc and we compete against each other, the winner gets a biscuit.

She did go through a phase of purposely weeing and pooing in her nappy so one day I left it on her after she had done a poo, she never did it again. But of course when she did have a real accident lots of positive reinforcement and making sure the bath that followed was fun.

She is generally very good for a four year old but of course she has her moments, as she has a disabled little brother she will occassionally misbehave for attention as she doesn't really understand why he gets more help from me, although his needs aren't too different to a 'normal' chils of this age. Where I can I ignore her when she does this as all she wants is attention during moments even if it is positive, if she is doing something dangerous however I would always intervene. Some parents wouldn't do this, but for her it works very well.

No matter how young they are I only have two peices of advice, never punish out of anger and never threaten somethinf unless you are actually willing to do it.