If you are single....

Snakey

Single for coming up six years and I don't even think about it - I had to stop and count it up before posting.

I spent the whole of my twenties and most of my thirties in a series of long-term, cohabiting relationships (including one marriage) and so I'm pretty comfortable that I know what I'm missing, good and bad. Being part of a settled couple works for a lot of people, and it worked for me up to a point, but I would always feel a bit trapped and I don't feel like that any more.

On balance, I am much happier on my own, doing my own thing. I know that at this point I am supposed to get over-defensive about justifying my existence by smugly informing you all how many friends, hobbies and activities I have or how close I am to my nephews and nieces or whatever, but actually that's not how I live at all. I do my own thing most of the time, seeing other people now and then to do stuff that's more fun (or only possible) with others, and that's how I like it. Having "been there, done that" I don't feel I have anything to prove - should anybody want to believe that I'm single because nobody would have me, that's up to them and no skin off my nose (and really, who goes round saying things like that about people? Nobody whose opinion you'd care about).

I'm not fussed about the prospect of growing old alone. I can't see my personality drastically changing in terms of liking my own space and not needing constant company. Aside from anything, being in a relationship at any given point in your youth or middle age is hardly a guarantee that you won't be on your own when you're sixty or seventy, in the same way as having children doesn't guarantee that there'll always be loads of people visiting and calling you.

Money-wise I have my own flat, a decent income and a good-sized pension, so I don't need somebody to pool my resources with financially in order to be able to afford to live properly. I also don't want children, so that's not an issue.

I can't imagine being in another long-term cohabiting relationship. I wouldn't rule it out, but it's not something I'm looking for - it'd have to be someone so wonderful that he would not look twice at me in the first place.

Chlorine7

Lady_Bee wrote: »

I like to think of it as having standards although some might see it as fussiness!

So do I, but sometimes it would be nice to not be as fussy as I am

Soleil_lune

trolleyrun wrote: »

You know when people say "it'll happen when you least expect it"? It's actually true. It's what happened to me, and I wasn't looking or expecting anything. It did take some "interference" from mutual friends, but it worked out in the end.

I'll never be one for pitying single people as I enjoyed my time on my own. Everyone is different and have different reasons for how they conduct their lives. As long as you make YOU happy first, everything will be ok. Promise

Me neither. I have been with DH for over 20 years now, (since 25-ish,) but I was single for about two thirds of the time from 15 to 25. (When everyone else had boyfriends/girlfriends, I was single for about 6.5 of those 10 years.)

Quite honestly, I got frustrated and angry with the amount of times I got head tilting gushing sympathy from well meaning but horribly condescending people. I even got asked if I was a lesbian by a relative, when I was 20, and had not had a bloke for 1.5 years! Seems it was not the 'done thing' to be single at all in those days, and every woman I knew seemed to need a man to validate her somehow. :cool:

To be honest, the 3 to 3.5 years I was in relationships, I wasn't happy: I was happier single! There was always a drama with any bloke I was with. He was often moody or mardy, or would drag me around places I didn't want to go, to spend time with people I did NOT want to be with. When I was 18, I dated someone who asked me out, and on our third date (a week after we met,) he asked me to come off the pill so we could have a baby! :eek:

I think I stayed single for a 1-2 years after that! I was only 18, but more importantly, I didn't even know him!

So I don't pity people for being single, but I do pity the awful attitudes they get from some people!

It's nice to be in a couple, but only if you are happy and your partner makes you happy (and you make them happy!) Otherwise, you may as well be on your own! It took me to the age of 25 to meet the right man, and I certainly was not prepared to 'settle' just to say I have a boyfriend.

VfM4meplse

I love being single and having absolute control over my own time and decisions.

I do miss being with someone, esp at the start of a relationship when things are all fun and dizzy before the love-goggles wear off....but even when I'm with someone, I never see myself as anything but single!

C_Mababejive

Relationships can be both a blessing and a hidden curse. If your not careful,you can end up living someone elses life and not your own..

Delree

I've pretty much always been single. Of my 18 years of adult life I've only spent a total of 1 year (not all in one go) in a relationship. I've always comforted myself by looking at people in unhappy relationships (house kids whatever) and been glad to have dodged that bullet.

I am also quite introvert and happy in my own company so I guess I've let things drift along and the years have rocketed by!

I want a relationship (not any relationship) but it's tough living in a small town where everyone knows everyone. No new people on the scene.

I agree with earlier posters. I'm neither too happy or too sad about it. It is what it is. But I'm looking forward to meeting someone. I'm still hopeful I will.

katonia

single after 17 years since december- he chose to cheat and be with someone and propose to them whilst married to me- how am i finding it? he was not worth my time, i like having nobody to answer too making my own decisions-what do i miss prob having someone that values you cares about you-but then again obv didn't if did that!
im happy as i am. doubt i would trust another man in my whole life

kingslayer

Wow, didn't realise so many on here had been single for so long. I have nowhere near as much life experience as most on this thread, but I have been single most of my life, but I preferred that because I see what relationships can do to people (especially friends, who became unsociable after getting into LTR and getting engaged/married) and i have always preferred to just stick to casual dating.

I always thought women would suffer more from the long term single life, but most of you here seem to be doing well, whereas a lot of guys tend to become depressed and suicidal. I have been depressed about it in the past, but never suicidal. I do wonder whether the suicides of men is due to lack of companionship.

I really don't think i could handle being single now for many years to come without intimacy. I really think it would drive me insane.

Kim_kim

meer53 wrote: »

Things i like about being single.

Starfish in a king size bed.
Shall i get dressed before lunch ? Nah, can't be bothered.
Fish finger sarnie for tea, of course.
TV, my choice, no-one elses.
Holidays, where i want to go, no compromises.
New clothes ? No guilty shopping trips. "Yes, this is new !"
Impromptu lunches/dinners/shopping/cinema/overnight stays. "Of course i can come"
New car. Whatever i like (again)
Spotless kitchen/bathroom etc
Garlic, no problem !

Basically, after over 20 years of putting other people before myself, i'm being me. And i love it

I'm going to agree with all those, except holidays.
I like lazy tropical package hols & you need a partner for those really.
In fact it's probably the only thing that temps me to bother with the dating game again.

As for women not being bothered about relationships as per kingslayer above.
So long as you earn a decent amount (I earn a fair chunk above the average 25k), then you have no economic need to pool resources & share the costs of running a home. Women often have better family relationships, plus in the case of divorce mothers usually retain close links with the kids & fathers more likely to not.
I don't need a man, but if Mr wonderful (& sexy) came along, I'd certainly be up for that - but I don't need or want to settle for Mr ok will do.

January20

kingslayer wrote: »

Wow, didn't realise so many on here had been single for so long. I have nowhere near as much life experience as most on this thread, but I have been single most of my life, but I preferred that because I see what relationships can do to people (especially friends, who became unsociable after getting into LTR and getting engaged/married) and i have always preferred to just stick to casual dating.

I always thought women would suffer more from the long term single life, but most of you here seem to be doing well, whereas a lot of guys tend to become depressed and suicidal. I have been depressed about it in the past, but never suicidal. I do wonder whether the suicides of men is due to lack of companionship.

I really don't think i could handle being single now for many years to come without intimacy. I really think it would drive me insane.

Why would you think that women would suffer more from being single long term? Nowadays, women work and support themselves very well. They are not the useless and fragile being they were portrayed to be 60+ years ago. They can tackle many tasks themselves or pay for somebody to do those they can't. They can have good relationships with family and friends.

For me living with a man again would mean I had more work and certainly more stress because so many men tend to still think that housework, laundry, child-rearing is a woman's job, on top of a full day at work to earn extra money for the family.

There is the old saying that single women live longer than married women but married men live longer than single men. I don't know if it's really true however, but my personal real life experience shows me that more divorced or widowed men get into relationships very quickly. Of course, it could just be the kind of people who surround me so I'm not going to generalise.