If you are single....

VestanPance

Soleil_lune wrote: »

Given the content of the posts you constantly put on here, the irony in this post is off the scale. :rotfl:

And sure, good relationships don't necessarily require 'a lot of work,' but to say that most relationships are like the one The Magician described in his/her post is ridiculous.

All dancing and laughing and cuddling and kissing and smooching passionately until it leads to that 'ultimate intimate moment' and the lovely in-laws and the hikes and the late night talking and the wonderful hugs and the special looks and the laughing til your sides split, looking into each others eyes and being utterly hapy, and longing for that person with all your heart!

Come on! Those words were straight out of a cheesy rom com. That kind of relationship only exists in the movies. :cool:

Of course many people/couples have good relationships, but nobody has a relationship like that! It's like these people who say they never ever argue.... and they are happier than anyone they know, and then they end up splitting up, after one discovers the other has been cheating for a year!!!

Not really it sounds perfectly normal relationship stuff to me, but just omits the went to the supermarket/work everyday other stuff. It's not cheesy rom-com at all, it's everyday life.

It's not ironic coming from me either. I no longer trust people so have take the logical decision not to date, or get involved in a relationship with anyone else. That doesn't mean I don't think there are people in perfectly happy and good relationships. I know my own trust issues prevent me from ever having one and I'm not willing to put myself or others through the crap that would stem from that.

purpleshoes_2

Soleil_lune wrote: »

Given the content of the posts you constantly put on here, the irony in this post is off the scale. :rotfl:

And sure, good relationships don't necessarily require 'a lot of work,' but to say that most relationships are like the one The Magician described in his/her post is ridiculous.

All dancing and laughing and cuddling and kissing and smooching passionately until it leads to that 'ultimate intimate moment' and the lovely in-laws and the hikes and the late night talking and the wonderful hugs and the special looks and the laughing til your sides split, looking into each others eyes and being utterly hapy, and longing for that person with all your heart!

Come on! Those words were straight out of a cheesy rom com. That kind of relationship only exists in the movies. :cool:

Of course many people/couples have good relationships, but nobody has a relationship like that! It's like these people who say they never ever argue.... and they are happier than anyone they know, and then they end up splitting up, after one discovers the other has been cheating for a year!!!

As I said before, if all the Mills and Boon type relationships were so fabulous, someone losing their partner to death aside, why did they or do they end?

I totally get that one person in a relationship might not want the relationship to be over, but clearly it takes a lot more than dancing, cuddles, sensual kissing, romantic sex and moonlight walks to give a relationship longevity.

Soleil_lune

purpleshoes wrote: »

Well I do think it a bit odd, someone who was in a long term relationship which ended and who has made posts saying they have no interest in dating again is calling other people out just for saying that even the best relationships can need effort.

It's not a competition, as in, I was happy with someone for X amount of years and then it went belly up so I'm superior to you because you've been in relationships that were a lot of hard work that you left.

Exactly. What Vestan Pance said in the post I quoted doesn't quite add up, given what he has already said in previous posts.

purpleshoes wrote: »

My gran was married for 35 years until her husband died, I know fine well two people can meet and marry and be absolutely in love with one another, but they went through tough times, that was my point above, even the best relationships can hit hurdles, its not always like a romantic novel.

Agree with this too. I know many people who have been together for 30-40-50 years, and would struggle without one another, but at the same time, they have have days when they're scratching each other's eyes out! I would be very suspcious of a couple who were like the couple in 'The Magician's' post. :cool:

Judi wrote: »

I agree with this. I'll even add it takes a great deal of commitment from both parties to work things through.

Yes of course, it can be wonderful being in a couple, and I wouldn't want it any other way, but I can't pretend it's been great all the time, because it hasn't been. There have been times in the past 20 years when we have had tough times, and occasions when I have felt like throttling him, and I am sure he would say the same about me. :rotfl:

But I do like being in a couple, and we do have great times together, and a lot of love and respect for one another. That said, I don't feel pity for singletons - nor do I feel smug - as not only do I now they don't need or want pity, but also, I could be one again one day!

purpleshoes_2

One of my mates has been living with his gf for about 15 years now and they are getting married soon. Hes a few years younger than me, 42. When I spoke about this on the boards a while ago some people were shocked because they said no way would they want to be in a relationship with someone, live together all that time and not be married. As far as I can see they have a really happy relationship.

I also said it elsewhere, Ive seen people post on these boards saying that their relationship is a disaster, their partner is clueless with cash, he treats them terribly, immature, out drinking all the time and a few months later you get the post saying, pregnant.

We all make our own choices, but Ive seen threads on here where people have obviously been low because of their partner's behaviour and rather than deal with it, they've done the papering over the cracks, the they are ok really, won't get any better, I'll have a baby to bring us closer.

Someone who I was friendly with at school contacted me a few years back. Great job, loads of money, wife had same, only problem was, they couldn't stand one another. He was on dating sites and I believe also registered on escort sites (behind her back). But then he decided the way to mend the marriage was for them to have two kids in quick succession.

The point being, Id never look down my nose at someone due to their relationship status. If someone asked me for advice Id happily give it (and I did in that instance, wasn't the only one and it was totally ignored).

Sometimes people need to take the rose tinted specs off, because there are so many people in relationships, well all I can say is, I really don't know why they are in them.

Some people really can't cope with being single and that can lead to them making some awful choices.

onomatopoeia99

I'm single and have been so for years. Like many, I like the independence and being beholden to no-one in my free time, but miss the companionship, conversation (with someone that will discuss ideas, rather than events or people), cuddles and lets face it, kissing is never going to go out of fashion.

I am content with my own company, don't go crazy if I am not out socialising all the time. Generally I need time to recover from being out in a group, because people wear me out.

That said and despite having had my heart broken then stomped on in the past (it's not always the man in the relationship doing the cheating... ), I remain convinced that life is a journey better shared and would very much like to be in a relationship again. I completely empathise with the person that said something like there is a deep aching longing. I ignore it most of the time, but occasionally something like a novel will bring it to the fore.


And then ... I read some of the things people have written about their past relationships here and I wonder why people behave the way they do - cheating is the obvious one. Why start an affair rather than saying "look, something's wrong, how can we fix it?" or even "I'm unhappy because..."? I don't understand people at all. My experiences make me wary of anyone that isn't as independent as I am (which is 'fiercely') or is volatile or demanding - being very easygoing I find those traits really hard to deal with.

Of course, I make no secret of the fact that I'm nerdy, about everything, but particularly computers, and a scifi / fantasy geek, which I know that puts some women off so I probably don't help myself! But what's the point of selling a lie? This is probably why I've never been able to finish writing a profile on a dating site and consequently don't really give myself a chance!

NewShadow

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

Of course, I make no secret of the fact that I'm nerdy, about everything, but particularly computers, and a scifi / fantasy geek, which I know that puts some women off so I probably don't help myself!

Don't believe it! For every woman thats put off by it, there's another bemoaning that no one gets her '10 types of people' shirt.

I love my t-shirt collection

January20

I feel I should apologise to The Magician. I read her diary on another board and she is a down to earth, intelligent, hard working, studying, single mother and she doesn't deserve the ridicule I seem to have brought on her post! I'm sure she knows it's not all cuddles and romantic moments! I was just feeling cynical and mischievous when I read that post! So, sorry The Magician! I wasn't trying to be mean.

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

And then ... I read some of the things people have written about their past relationships here and I wonder why people behave the way they do - cheating is the obvious one. Why start an affair rather than saying "look, something's wrong, how can we fix it?" or even "I'm unhappy because..."? I don't understand people at all. My experiences make me wary of anyone that isn't as independent as I am (which is 'fiercely') or is volatile or demanding - being very easygoing I find those traits really hard to deal with.

Of course, I make no secret of the fact that I'm nerdy, about everything, but particularly computers, and a scifi / fantasy geek, which I know that puts some women off so I probably don't help myself! But what's the point of selling a lie? This is probably why I've never been able to finish writing a profile on a dating site and consequently don't really give myself a chance!

I don't understand why people cheat either! They want their cake and eat it? They are cowards who fear being alone? My ex-husband cheated on me, because he wouldn't have had the guts to go it alone! he needed the next person who would share his living space lined up before leaving me. Sad git!

Nothing wrong with being a nerdy type, interested in sci-fi or computers. Some people are passionate about sport and nobody seems to think it's wrong!

System

Well it's been a week

And i think i'm coming round to the idea of being ok on my own.

Kim_kim

SanguineSteve wrote: »

I think you have high expectations, any human will have 'hang ups and weirdnesses'.

Ok - hang ups or weirdnesses I can live with & vice versa

TheMagician

Just wanted to thank kingfisherblue for starting this thread, I think it's incredibly insightful and has reminded me of so many reasons why I miss being partnered up. Sometimes you just feel that longing but this has helped me list at least 50+ reasons in my head why.

I think my post was misunderstood because people misread the start of it where I said 'I've been terribly missing'.
Yes, I still went to As*a and cleaned the windows when I was partnered up, I just don't miss those things

I'm completely self sufficient and very confident in myself, I don't need a man, but I do love men

Have you not watched a silly film like Anchorman and just spent the whole length of it laughing hysterically together at how completely ridiculous it is?
I loved when my man knew to text me 5min before coming home and I'd make him a cup of tea, and he'd do the same to me.
I loved it when he drove past a coffee shop at 2pm to grab me a coffee and drop it off at work.
I loved the smell of him.
I loved a little look I'd give him whilst having dinner at friends' and we both knew what it meant and couldn't wait to get home.
I loved how he'd suddenly hug me from behind and give me tingles all over.
I loved how we knew how each other was feeling just from hearing their voice on the phone.
God, I could be here all night. Maybe I'm one of the few, I didn't realise, but this is how I've always seen relationships and I guess I've attracted this sort of men.
It's feminine beauty and sensuality mixed with male's strength and prowess and powered by utter love, care and respect for each other.
This is what love is to me and I'll accept no less, this is all I know.

Yes, there's the mundane every day stuff and jobs and kids and whatever else, but it doesn't take away from being able to show your feelings to your partner and how much you appreciate them, even if it's just a kiss and a cup of tea.

January20 don't apologise, I did not feel ridiculed. All of our experiences are different. I am not naive but I am romantic to the bone and always will be and my heart aches for that someone and it tells me to wait, which I will.