Borderline or Histrionic Personality Disorder

what2donow

Hi,

Looking for somebody who suffers/ed from the above or who has lived/known somebody with the above or perhaps psychologist or psychotherapist.

My partner is most likely to have personality disorder (suggested by the psychologist after 1 visit he had). But he now refuses to go for the therapy any further or to even have it fully diagnosed. He basically rejects the idea he has a problem and blames it on me.

How can I get him to go and seek some help? I have read that crisis or failed relationship is a push for people to go through the therapy but I dont want to break down our relationship even though have been told it can be detrimental to me. I want him to get better but I dont know how to convince him to get some help.

If you ask why not just go away: I still love him and we have a child together.

Rambosmum

I wouldn't possibly suggest you leave him but it will be very difficult, for you and your child and you need to consider the safety of all of you (which is not to say that you are unsafe in your circumstances or ever would be).

Unfortunately people with any kind of mental health difficulty need to accept that they need help for it to work. Personality disorders are very difficult to treat, and some psychologists/ psychoanalysts will say impossible to treat. I had the honour of working with one psychoanalyst who did feel they could be treated but it took years.

I suspect your partner will have ups and downs, as we all do. Try talking to him about it on ups, if nothing else but to plant a seed. And if he does accept help then move quickly, before he changes his mind - this may mean going private as NHS waiting lists are very long in Mental Health.

Good luck.

P.S children can do very well in household where parents have MH difficulties, you just need to create as stable environment as possible, which means protecting your own mental health - make sure you have someone to talk to yourself, a professional if necessary.

itGuyUK80

From my experience the hardest part is actually for the person who needs the help is to admit that they need help and constant battle..

If you have to take measures to help that person, then prepare yourself for all outcomes; including the bad ones as it is unpredictable of what overall outcome will be..

fluffnutter

I'm not an expert but I think one of the main characteristics of this sort of narcissistic personality disorder is an unwillingness to accept that there's anything unusual about them. After all, it's not necessarily him that suffers - just those around him!

I don't really think you can class it as a mental health issue, i.e. something that can be 'fixed'. It's not an illness, it's a collection of personality traits. I assume therapy will focus on trying to show him how his behaviour affects others, but if he's adamant that his approach to those around him is 'normal' then there's possibly little to be done.

You need to look after yourself, OP. And your child. Make sure you have support and insight. Therapy for you might be useful.

Upsidedown_Bear

fluffnutter wrote: »

I'm not an expert but I think one of the main characteristics of this sort of narcissistic personality disorder is an unwillingness to accept that there's anything unusual about them. After all, it's not necessarily him that suffers - just those around him!

I don't really think you can class it as a mental health issue, i.e. something that can be 'fixed'. It's not an illness, it's a collection of personality traits. I assume therapy will focus on trying to show him how his behaviour affects others, but if he's adamant that his approach to those around him is 'normal' then there's possibly little to be done.

You need to look after yourself, OP. And your child. Make sure you have support and insight. Therapy for you might be useful.

But the OP is talking about borderline or histrionic personality disorder. Isn't narcissistic personality disorder something different?

Mojisola

what2donow wrote: »

He basically rejects the idea he has a problem and blames it on me.

If you ask why not just go away: I still love him and we have a child together.

How many years are you going to be able to live with being the one to blame for everything?

What effect is it going to have on your child growing up in a household where one adult refuses to take responsibility for his actions?

Snakey

They're not generally unsafe, they're just very difficult to live with because it's all about them and you're mainly there to enable them - to be manipulated, to pay them attention, to blame, to pick up the pieces for them and to make sure that they are protected from any negative consequences of their actions.

Were there people like this in your life when you were growing up? It can be very draining, and you'll be missing out on the support that you deserve whenever you have a problem (or just a bad day) because somehow it'll end up being all about him.

What was it that got him to a psychologist in the first place?

As I understand it, the chance of a "cure" or even much of an improvement is very poor, because there's little insight or motivation to change. People with personality traits on those spectrums tend to see each event in isolation - a never-ending series of dramas in which they are the wronged party - and take the view that if the other person or people involved hadn't said/done what they did then there wouldn't have been a problem.

There are specialist forums for people with mental health issues and people living with them, if you think you'd benefit from a deeper discussion with others about what it's like/what it's going to be like.

what2donow

I started a therapy on Monday. I was advised I need a strengthening therapy.

Previously we have been seen by the same therapist and this is the diagnosis but she couldnt be 100%. Because my OH did one of 'his acts', I went alone for an appointment and in a nutshell she said: I think we are dealing with borderline personality disorder, you need to try and get away from it for your sake and your children.



I had no idea what BPD meant, started reading about it and he also has some features of histrionic. I still dont know what it ACTUALLY means?!

what2donow

Mojisola wrote: »

How many years are you going to be able to live with being the one to blame for everything?

What effect is it going to have on your child growing up in a household where one adult refuses to take responsibility for his actions?

These are the questions I want to know the answers to. I dont know. Is it possible even to live with such a person? Apparently you cannot treat it, then some say it can be treated to liveable condition.

It is all so new to me as I only was told this week.

McCloud1

I have a moderately severe personality disorder (non-specific) and come from a family where they are rampant. Mine is quite different to your OH's, but similar rules apply.

Most of us tend to see other people as lacking sanity/clarity, not ourselves, which is why therapy is extremely ineffective at managing these disorders; that's if you can get the person to show up to their appointments with an regularity. PD's cause an altered perspective of reality, one that usually conflicts with the perspective a 'normal' person will experience.

Medication is the only treatment that has any real impact in my experience, and that tends to be very hit and miss. If he has histrionic PD I take it he has severe emotional responses to situations that don't warrant one? A family member with a similar PD takes Citilopram and Lithium to stabilise her mood. I understand that Lithium is particularly helpful for her 'episodes', it may be worth asking the doctor about it.

If he is resistant to treatment, how did you get him to see a psychologist in the first place? Maybe you could use whatever motivated him to attend that appointment to encourage him to follow this up with his doctor?

pogofish

what2donow wrote: »

My partner is most likely to have personality disorder (suggested by the psychologist after 1 visit he had). But he now refuses to go for the therapy any further or to even have it fully diagnosed. He basically rejects the idea he has a problem and blames it on me.

From my limited experience of sufferers of both disorders, I would suggest that a Borderline is by far the more likely to refuse diagnosis/treatment and attempt to shift the blame , whilst a Histrionic is much more liable to revel in the attention/diagnosis, even if only as a justification for continuing their behaviour.

Of course its a lot more than that for a full diagnosis and this can only be made after considerable investigation/consideration of a very wide range of traits.

Either way, its a very tough situation having a loved one with one of these PDs and it can indeed be very hard on you. Whatever the long-term outcome, you have made a brave decision to stand by them at this point. However, you will need to ensure that you have your own support/protection structure in place in order to keep your own strength, physical and mental health intact - and this applies equally for your child too. Get on to this now, don't wait till they are actively acting-up or into an episode of splitting behaviour.