Borderline or Histrionic Personality Disorder

Gingernutty

kezzygirl wrote: »

no, it wont cure him. medication won't cure schizophrenia, nor will insulin cure diabetes. but it will surely/hopefully help him if he wants it- to manage his emotions better.

But it's a personality disorder.

It's not just emotions. It's an entire way of thinking, of life, of looking at and reacting to the world.

Treatment for for PDs is extremely tough even if they acknowledge there's a problem and it's them that has to change.

Waves_and_Smiles

Good point, Gingernutty, the treatment is incredibly tough and it is the person with the BPD that has to make the change. Despite all the therapy I have had my thoughts still flare at times back into BDP mode, it is the way I look at the world-that I will be left, that I can never be good enough, that my life as it is will never be enough to make someone want to stay with me, that everyone secretly hates me. This is after a 25 year relationship, I STILL think my partner might leave me because I am not good enough! What I have learned to do is keep those thoughts to myself and work through them in my own mind, not inflict them on him because he doesn't deserve to be treated that way. No one does.

To reach that point wasn't easy, I had to realise some things about myself that I didn't like one bit. This isn't an easy path for you or your family, OP. That isn't saying things won't and can't get better, but a lot is down to how committed your OH is to dealing with this and how much he is willing to admit about himself.

Also, and I keep saying this because it is important, remember your OH is a person first who happens to have BDP. Not everyone is the same just because of diagnosis, they share similar traits but their own personality traits will affect how the disorder plays out. Not everyone with BDP is the same or will have the same results from therapy.

UKTigerlily

I have Borderline/EUPD as they call it, it definitely gets easier with time and age or has in my case. I have no idea on Histrionic and am fairly controlled anyway but if you need anything just PM me. I have been disgnosed for ten years almost and had symptoms for 22yrs and know lots about it now. BPDWorld forum/website is excellent and owned by a guy with it but sometimes the chat room can feel very dramatic as you'd expect with people who may not be well at the time

System

Relationships with BPD can work, my friends who are married, one has bipolar the other has BPD. She'd found dialectical (not sure of spelling) behavioural therapy to help with certain aspects. They support each other but i think the change has to come from the person with the PD. If they are in denial that's going to make it harder.

I was initially diagosed with BPD, though personally i never felt i met all the criteria and when i was responsinf to medication (and had a manic episode) it was changed to bipolar (though some symptoms overlap).

Speaking as someone with a mental health problem, for a long time i was a very difficult person to deal with. I didn't have good insight into my MH and i had periods of being non complacent with medication as i was outright in denial that i even had a problem. Since adhearing to medication i've become more stable. I know PDs are harder to treat, but its not impossible to get some level of normality with intensive help. But he has to want that help.

kezzygirl

Gingernutty wrote: »

But it's a personality disorder.

It's not just emotions. It's an entire way of thinking, of life, of looking at and reacting to the world.

Treatment for for PDs is extremely tough even if they acknowledge there's a problem and it's them that has to change.

I am quite aware of that,thanks. The treatment would be therapy/medication to manage extremes of mood if appropriate and something called dbt....in order to change behavioural response to situations and in essence manage emotions/emotional regualtion.I work with people with these issues day in day out, I am aware of the issues these problems pose.

Laz123

Why was my post removed by the hypersensitive forum team?

what2donow

Hi,

I havent posted anything for a while but have been trying to get things going with little progress.

He has been on the swing constantly. On a weekend he turned up after drinking the night before saying I must see cares about me and if I stop being stubburn about certain things so will he. Then he wanted a hug, I said too much has gone through between us for a hug to help. His response was: who said I want a hug from you!

This is just one situation but it is all the time like this. Yesterday he said: I want to go for a therapy, can I have the number to your psychologist. I said: if you want to go, just find an independent one. He said: no, I want them to know that when you say bad things about me, they are not actually true!

I told him that therapy is for helping people not for proving who is right or wrong. Then later on in the day he said I want him to get mental records which is why I am talking about a therapist so much!

I sometimes have these moments when I think: Perhaps the psychologist misjudged him and I am dismissing him. This is when I go wrong as it doesnt really matter as whatever it is and despite the fact we have a child together, he left me and for the sake of my own respect I should never look back and let it go!

I had a chat with his sister which just made me depressed completely. We met shortly (6 months) after his previous marriage broke up and he was apparently horrendous to his previous wife. I completely fell in love with the guy! I was blind and not wanted to see or hear a thing. His sister reminded me 2 days ago about the chat we had had before the wedding about 'his difficult character'. I didnt want to listen back then. How stupid of me! She said: we all knew he would do that: finding somebody so quickly and getting all bells and rings around but we all wondered why YOU had fallen for it!!!

I dont know and I still want to know. I am and have always been naive! But this isnt just that. I want to know why at some point. Laz123 I have ordered the book you suggested, just waiting for it to come through.

Today he turned up saying: we need to have a serious chat, when will you have some time, I said after work, he said I will be busy then. Few minutes after he says: actually it wont take long I will tell you now: I initially had a crush on you but nothing else, I said I loved you and called you darling but it didnt mean anything. Once I moved out, I am not going back. I said calmly: OK, at least I know.

Why do I think he is up to something again??

He told me we can do DIY divorce when in his previous case he used a solicitor (no children involved and only 1 property).

Warning bells ring, he is trying to do something, stitch me up financially?? Apparently I cannot get anything done until the petition is approved by the court but I dont want to wait weeks. I just want to have a peace of mind that at least my financial situation is not going to worry me for the next couple of years.

I am also very paranoid that he has a bug at home (as he has said some of things I have said over the phone when I was at home).

I cannot get hold of my psychologist as she has been ill.

Worried - this is how I feel now.

what2donow

His sister also said that even though he was the way he was to his previous wife, she still called his sister months after they broke up (it must have been when we were married already - she did mention something before) and it seemed like despite the fact she was with another guy and had his child, she still missed him!!!

I still miss him, the way he was when we met, the fun and laughter we have had together but I sometimes think perhaps I loved him and he only loved her and he just needed someone around to get better after he split up with her?!

I dont just feel worried, I also feel so down and so used, thrown and torn.

misspickle_2

Start making steps towards your new life without him.
Don't let him drag you down any further or you will end up making yourself ill.
At this stage he is likely to become very manipulative.
Find the strength to walk away.
You can miss the past as much as you like but it won't change the fact that the road ahead will be full of misery if you stay on it.
Don't let your mind play tricks on you.
Save your energy and put it towards something positive i.e your future and your kids future.
Go forwards not backwards.
You are not responsible for him. Don't be a victim and don't let him project.
The only people you are responsible for is yourself and your kids.
Take control of your OWN life and let him deal with his.
Good luck.
You can do it. Thousands do! And the majority only wish they had done it sooner.

misspickle_2

You don't need to understand the illness. It doesn't really matter if he has been misdiagnosed etc. Stop looking for labels and justification.
You DO NOT need permission to leave someone who is making you miserable and potentially ill which is probably where it will lead to if your last posts are anything to go by.
You get one life. Do with it whatever brings you happiness and comfort and stability.
Don't become his carer via guilt.
You wanted a partner, not a ball and chain round your neck.
Accept you chose badly and learn from the fact that you didn't heed his sisters advice.
He will be OK! He will soon manipulate his way into someone else's life so I wouldn't worry about him.
Cut the elastic or he will push and pull for months maybe even years on end.
Bite the bullet and go no contact.
Find some peace in your life.
I hope you find the strength.
I wish you all the best. It sounds like hell x