Borderline or Histrionic Personality Disorder

Waves_and_Smiles

I agree that you need to separate your feelings here although it is hard, I know. Do you remember what I said about BDP being only one aspect of someone and how their personality influences it? What you are describing isn't just BDP, BDP doesn't have to make someone so hurtful, childish or spiteful towards others. I have never been cruel to anyone, despite BDP, in fact I am the opposite and cling to people and try to make people like me. If I even think I am cruel to someone I get overwhelmed by the most awful guilt. BDP doesn't make someone cold. No matter what someone's diagnosis is they have no right to inflict pain on another person. You get nice people with disorders and not so nice people with disorders, the condition is never an excuse.

Take some time to ask yourself if there could be any going back for you after this. I am not going to give an opinion one way or another because it would be unfair of me to do so but please spend some time to think of what is best for you and your child. Do try not to let him drag you down and hurt you, I am almost certain that he isn't acting this way just because he is unwell, this is how he naturally is, you do not need to feel guilty for being angry with him.

As to why you didn't see him for who he was at first, I have done similar. I am what is called a rescuer, I chose my profession because I have a need to rescue people. I cared for my ill parents as a child and it set a pattern, I have a need to be needed so have had several relationships where someone has an awful lot of problems that I have then tried to save them from. It only once worked out well for me with my current partner because he wanted to get help for himself, the other relationships were pointless because the people did not wish to change, and didn't need to while I was excusing them and doing everything for them.

Rescuing people made me feel safe and needed, it gave me a sense of self-worth (my own self-esteem is very low) but also meant I suffered an awful lot in relationships that others would have seen through immediately. Even now it is hard for me not to judge myself on the happiness of those around me, if they are unhappy I feel as if I have failed and am a horrid person. The reality is that all but one of the people I had relationships with were not very nice people but I chose to be with them because I based my own self-worth on being needed and trying to make them happier. Does that ring any bells? Dismiss it if not but I thought it might be something to consider.

Have a hug and hang in there, you have a lot of thinking to do and we are here to listen if you need to talk.

FredG

What Waves and Smiles has said in this thread has been a great help. I felt so much guilt for saying enough was enough in my situation. I actually feel more justified for distancing myself and making my own life. Thank you.

Waves_and_Smiles

What a lovely thing to say, FredG. I am glad that my babbling has helped! I learned the hard way that sometimes no matter how much you want to save someone and no matter how many excuses you make for them that sometimes you just can't do it. Then you have to walk away for yourself and also for them, if some people have another constantly carrying them they have no need to try and be better. That was certainly the case in my previous relationships and although the guilt of walking away was horrible it was the right thing to do for me and them. I know that others would have left long before me, I did my best to help at the time and that's what counts in the end but the other parties had no wish to make their own lives better even though they were very miserable.

I have no regrets now about ending the relationships but that took a while and an awful lot of guilt. I also didn't like the person I became, clingy and naggy and judgemental to my partners. I was tired, hurting and desperate and needed to walk away and rediscover the real me, I couldn't have been great to live with myself by the end of the relationships.

jobbingmusician

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

I agree that you need to separate your feelings here although it is hard, I know. Do you remember what I said about BDP being only one aspect of someone and how their personality influences it? What you are describing isn't just BDP, BDP doesn't have to make someone so hurtful, childish or spiteful towards others. ... BDP doesn't make someone cold. No matter what someone's diagnosis is they have no right to inflict pain on another person. You get nice people with disorders and not so nice people with disorders, the condition is never an excuse.

What a wise and thoughtful post - thank you, WaS. If I'd never known you before from the other thread, I would value you tremendously for that post!