Borderline or Histrionic Personality Disorder

FredG

Upsidedown_Bear wrote: »

But the OP is talking about borderline or histrionic personality disorder. Isn't narcissistic personality disorder something different?

NPD often comes hand in hand with BPD, it's also the worse combination possible.

As someone who's lived with a close family member with this combination of disorders for most of my adult life I can only begin to hint at how hard it is to rationalise their behaviour and treatment of the people they love.

OP - If you're struggling feel free to drop me a PM. Always remember that they do love you, but for your own sake you need to switch off occasionally. It becomes very hard and the situation came very close to ruining me.

FredG

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

Oh, and I will check back so if I can help with any specific questions please ask, I won't be offended no matter how personal it is. Do remember though that I can only speak for me. Like any other mental illness, your personality alters how it plays out and a mental illness doesn't remove someone's basic, individual personality for good or bad. There are nice and not so nice people with mental health problems, it is important to try and define how much is the illness.

What a brave response and what a fine human being you are. I wish you and your family nothing but happiness.

Waves_and_Smiles

Aw, thank you FredG. I am nothing special but I do know myself well for good and bad.x

fluffnutter

Upsidedown_Bear wrote: »

But the OP is talking about borderline or histrionic personality disorder. Isn't narcissistic personality disorder something different?

Not really. They're all the same family with overlapping characteristics. The important thing is - they're not mental health issues. They don't mean you're unwell. There's no 'cure'.

kezzygirl

fluffnutter wrote: »

Not really. They're all the same family with overlapping characteristics. The important thing is - they're not mental health issues. They don't mean you're unwell. There's no 'cure'.

Actually, yes they are mental health problems.they are disorders of the mind/personality which make it difficult for the person concerned to manage their emotions/responses to situations. The mental health act was amended in 2007 in order to encompass personality disorder, so in short, yes,it is a mental illness.

op, please research personality disorder using royal college of psychiatrists website or other evidence-based websites.there are different types and it is worth noting that we all possess some traits of these disorders, just not to the extent that we would meet the diagnostic criteria.

for a psychologist to tell u to leave your partner is a bit unprofessional imo. I also wonder if they told your partner of their diagnosis,before telling you? and also if they plan to get your partner seen by a psychiatrist for proper diagnosis instead of just stating their thoughts?

SuperSaver123

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Laz123

I too became a therapist due to certain personality traits I wanted to change. No one else could make or force me to seek change only I could do that. No one can force your partner to change either. The best thing you can do is to change yourself and in doing so the changes in you will affect them whilst making you emotionally stronger, plus you may discover what it was that attracted you to them in the first place and the reasons why you remain together.

I started off training as a counsellor, then a psychotherapist, then later as a psychoanalyst (the tough treatment, the one that really hurts, no pain no gain etc).

There is a reason we are attracted to certain characters due to flaws in our own personalities and once you discover why it is like scales being taken from your eyes and you can see things a whole lot clearer and it gives you lots more options. The more options in life you have the more choices you have and life is then easier.

I would commend to your reading some self help books from your local library as a start as therapy can be expensive. They helped me so much at the beginning. Anything by Eric Berne is good, like Games People Play. He describes things in a way which is very easy to understand. Take the eternal triangle which consists of 'the victim' your OH, the 'persecutor' (unknown), and the 'rescuer' (maybe you). The question is do you want the eternal triangle to continue forever or do you want to step outside of it and do something about it?

what2donow

WaS Thank you!!! Your post has given me hope and food for thought!

My partner is very unstable: yesterday he said he will go for a therapy, this morning he said he wont! Yesterday he said he loves me and wants to get it better, today he turned up to look after the little one and said he will not go for any therapy as it doesnt work.

I also have 13 year old from previous relationship. He is seeing all these things - how can i explain it to him if I am confused myself?!

what2donow

Laz123 wrote: »

I too became a therapist due to certain personality traits I wanted to change. No one else could make or force me to seek change only I could do that. No one can force your partner to change either. The best thing you can do is to change yourself and in doing so the changes in you will affect them whilst making you emotionally stronger, plus you may discover what it was that attracted you to them in the first place and the reasons why you remain together.

I started off training as a counsellor, then a psychotherapist, then later as a psychoanalyst (the tough treatment, the one that really hurts, no pain no gain etc).

There is a reason we are attracted to certain characters due to flaws in our own personalities and once you discover why it is like scales being taken from your eyes and you can see things a whole lot clearer and it gives you lots more options. The more options in life you have the more choices you have and life is then easier.

I would commend to your reading some self help books from your local library as a start as therapy can be expensive. They helped me so much at the beginning. Anything by Eric Berne is good, like Games People Play. He describes things in a way which is very easy to understand. Take the eternal triangle which consists of 'the victim' your OH, the 'persecutor' (unknown), and the 'rescuer' (maybe you). The question is do you want the eternal triangle to continue forever or do you want to step outside of it and do something about it?

Thank you!!!

I was suspecting something like you said that there is something in me that made me wanting this, wanting the way he was (not the way he is now obviously). I dont know yet what it is and I have no idea if I can be part of this whole thing. I know and I realise I also need to discover myself at the same time.

A couple of these questions were asked during my last appointment with the psychologist. She said: you must have noticed he was different to any other men and I said yes! this is what I liked about him!

But sometimes I also think that none of this at the begining was real and then I get depressed!

I am on the emotional swing now and I dont think he is the only one pushing the swing. I am doing it as well.

I know problems are never just straightforward and that there is another level to all of it.

what2donow

On one hand: I want to help him and want to ask a question: how to get him to go to the therapy? Shall I make the appointment and while he is on the 'up' push him to go? Or does he have to mature to that decision otherwise it is all unefficent and waste of time and money?

Or should I just let it go and start looking after 2 kids I have while learning who I am and why this whole situation happened?