Heartbroken, my husband left me this morning for another woman

VestanPance

purpleshoes wrote: »

Thats what got you a PPR last time round. Id reconsider if I were you.

No, I'll speak freely.

paigesaunt

Hi all
I had a couple of good days, then a mini meltdown last night, nothing serious I just went to his Dad's (mum in hospital) Dad said he knows nothing of husbands plans. I don't have a fantastic relationship with his parents, they're very un emotional, almost cold people. I sat outside their house for a while hoping husband would come back, I know he must have been with his GF, because he simply has no where else to go.

Around 11.30pm my two sons turned up, obviously guessing where I would be. Our son said he rang his dad but he didn't answer, rang again and it had been turned off.

The thing I cannot get my head around is his behaviour, cutting us off is just so out of character, he's always done his best to give us what we want, and I get the fact he's had enough of doing that and left, but why act like he doesn't care, I'm pretty sure he can't not have any feelings for us after a week! This time last week we were his family and pretty much all he had, he's not the most popular of people, he's a very unforgiving person, you upset him once, no matter how small, he won't let it go, and although he'll go through the motions of being polite, there's alaways an air of resentment there which is why people don't bother with him eventually.

I think deep down he had massive issues with jealousy, resented anyone who I was close to, he'd never admit that, and always dressed it up with something else but I knew in my heart he prefered life with me when I had no contact with my family a few years ago (because of him I add) it was the same with my daughter when she lived with us for a while, he made my life a misery, once she'd moved out and moved to Australia, there was no one like her, very proud of his step-daughters achievements!

We were in Australia until mid January this year, I hadn't seen my daughter for 2 years, everything was fine I though, until she took me out for my birthday and baby shopping (she's newly pregnant) he was angry at being left behind, and made the rest of the three week trip a misery for all of us, moody, didn't join in with any conversations, and was an embarrassment, we were guests in their home and he just sat on his iPad obviously making a new friend whom he's now dating!

For the first few years of meeting, he couldnt handle the fact that I'd had a life previously, my children when they were younger were never allowed to mention anything about places we'd been or things like that, or I would suffer.
I wish he could have been honest with me about those feelings he had because I could have maybe helped him get over his issues with jealousy, instead I just carried on seeing people he resented and going to family gatherings without him.

I'm wondering if maybe he knows it's not normal to feel like that and can't take it anymore, so his answer is to get rid of me, particularly as I'm about to start work with my sister who is his latest enemy.

I would appreciate your thoughts on this, I'm not a jealous person myself so it's not something I understand.
What are the traits of a jealous or controlling person, as I said he's never admitted it is jealousy, he always comes up with something else.
Your thoughts would be appreciated x

wannabe_sybil

Hi, not much advice, but about him having switched off...

He has probably been planning to leave you. It may have been a few days or it may have been months. He started switching off before he left or he wouldn't have left you. If he hadn't switched off he would still be with you.

He is at least a week ahead of you, and possibly a few months. What is an awful, immediate cataclysm to you is something he has known about before. Possibly several weeks before.

Also, I don't think there was anything you could have done. I suspect that if you had given up everything to revolve around him it would have made no difference. It's about him, it's all about him and always about him. If he had wanted to work stuff out and not make you feel on the back foot and desperate to please him to make up then he would have suggested ways of working at it.

I really hope you get through this okay. Good luck.

paigesaunt

I agree with that, particularly the bit about being a few weeks, months ahead of me, he had started detaching himself from us months ago, we just didn't notice because he's always so miserable anyway.
I dont want him back as my husband but I would like the friend he used to be, maybe one day!
Thanks for your support over the last few days x

tesuhoha

The best way to make a man respond to you and to miss you, even if it is only as a friend, is by no contact from you whatsoever.

jess1974

Hi Paigesaunt, i went through this in September 2013, i don't think my husband left for another woman but he left anyway, leaving me on my own with 3 children.....17 months down the line and we are divorced, i have a job and can support my kids and pay my mortgage etc....life does get better and you will survive and come out the other side xxx

duchy

paigesaunt wrote: »

I agree with that, particularly the bit about being a few weeks, months ahead of me, he had started detaching himself from us months ago, we just didn't notice because he's always so miserable anyway.
I dont want him back as my husband but I would like the friend he used to be, maybe one day!
Thanks for your support over the last few days x

Is he capable of friendship with a woman without any possibility of a relationship ? Some men are (and usually have several women friends) others simply aren't.

As for the detachment. That may be that he had already detatched -or it could be that he basically feels he is a good guy and the only way to stay on the path he has chosen is to push any other feelings down and that he may feel bad but doesn't dare show it or even admit it to himself.

Either way - you don't want him back now - so it is his problem to deal with and not yours.

If you want a friendship later on or the possibility of one- Leave him alone. Don't hang around his parents house- Get on with your life. The less pressred he feels the more likely you can start communicating. Push him into a corner and he'll likely attack to defend emotionally.

Frankly after his behaviour in Australia -I'd be relieved in your place though. Who wants or needs a friend that selfish ?

kingslayer

Sorry to hear that. Never mind him, OP, you are awesome and he'll be regretting it soon enough. I really don't see why people do this kind of thing to their partners. Why not just be honest and go separate ways if you want something/someone else, not go behind their backs like a sneaking ninja.

You will find someone soon enough who will love your sexy personality and hotness, just keep your head up and keep positive, and keep busy so he isn't on your mind every hour of every day. I am a guy, though, so my advice is probably a bit useless lol, but i'm sure the women here can provide great advice.

System

kingslayer wrote: »

Sorry to hear that. Never mind him, OP, you are awesome and he'll be regretting it soon enough. I really don't see why people do this kind of thing to their partners. Why not just be honest and go separate ways if you want something/someone else, not go behind their backs like a sneaking ninja.

You will find someone soon enough who will love your sexy personality and hotness, just keep your head up and keep positive, and keep busy so he isn't on your mind every hour of every day. I am a guy, though, so my advice is probably a bit useless lol, but i'm sure the women here can provide great advice.

Such words of wisdom from the almighty Kingslayer.:D

misspickle_2

Judi wrote: »

Such words of wisdom from the almighty Kingslayer.:D

Lol Judi. Took the words right out of my mouth :rotfl:
I've just been on his thread. I can't help having a soft spot for him though.

So sorry to hear what your going through op. Gutted I haven't got time to read all of it. Have to go to work. Only for a few hours though.
Sending hugs op.
So relieved I'm single.