Heartbroken, my husband left me this morning for another woman

paigesaunt

Bunny boilerish because I love my husband, charming!

tesuhoha

paigesaunt wrote: »

Bunny boilerish because I love my husband, charming!

I thanked the no contact bit, not the bunny boiler bit. Seriously, the best way to go is no contact, because if you want him back its the only way you are going to get him back. If you establish no contact whatsoever and he doesn't come back then at the very least you have retained your dignity.

Think of it like this. If a woman senses a man is withdrawing from her she quite often does the opposite of what she should do. Unconsciously even, she starts to pursue him, which makes him run even faster! The thing she should do is ignore him and make like she doesn't care. This makes her more interesting to him.

With you pursuing him for whatever reason your ex is running away from you. It doesn't matter why. He doesn't want closure, he doesn't want anything to do with you because he sees you as needy and desperate. I'm not saying you are those things but that is how he sees you.

If you establish no contact then you become mysterious to him and he starts to wonder what you are up to. That's when he is more likely to contact you. However, it takes 4-8 weeks of no contact before a man starts missing a woman and wondering where she is and who she is with. Only then if he still has feelings for you might he come running.

So go shopping for new clothes, get yourself some retail therapy, have a bit of a makeover and try to go out and enjoy yourself.

The thing you really have to ask yourself though, is do you really want this cheat in your life?

Edit - I've just noticed that you say you love him, well do what I say. Men love to chase women, they like a challenge. They don't like to be chased themselves. If he comes back then then don't be a walkover, a doormat. You have to make him desperate to woo you and you have to lay down conditions if he does come back.

A_Phoenix_of_Tangerine

Wow! I feel like I've somehow taken a wrong turn and stepped back in time 60+ years, with some of this 'how to make your dirtbag husband interested in you again' advice.

He's gone. He's selfish. And he's clearly no prize worthy of winning back.

Pander to his whims and petulant moods no more. Time to focus on you (and your confidence), your kids, your home. Let him wallow in his sulky moods.

Your poor excuse for a husband will be kicking himself when he realises (too late) that his childish tactics no longer have any power over you, and he can't just do what he wants with no consequence..

He lost all rights to a caring, compassionate ear when he sodded off with his new bit of fluff, IMO. When the shine surely tarnishes on this sordid new relationship, and he's out on his ear, pay no attention to his whines and wheedlings - his cold, single bed at his mum and dads will be entirely of his own making. :T

paigesaunt

Love your post APOT.
Only contacted him just now to say one of his customers wants him to call them, I just wrote the ****s want you to call them.

I was caught a bit on the hop really.

I think I may have given the wrong impression, I'm not hounding him day and night begging him to come home, I contact him only when I have something valid to say, but I shall not be doing that anymore, time to retain the dignity I have left.

I had a call today from my new employers and I'm going in next Thursday for a team building day (providing my hospital apt isn't that day) they know about my possible hospital stay and are more than prepared for me to be off for a few weeks if it's not good news, but Iam hopeful that I have had all my bad luck, so thinking positive about that for now.

I have dropped 2 dress sizes in 2 weeks and feel pretty good about myself despite being walked out on after 20 years for someone that looks like a basset hound only not as cute!
Thank you all, good or bad I do enjoy reading your comments and do take the advice on board
X

purpleshoes_2

If youve dropped 2 dress sizes in two weeks, you probably havent been eating, thats not good either, look after yourself.

tesuhoha

Sorry, I just got the impression you wanted him back.

sassyblue

paigesaunt wrote: »

I know what he'll say when he finds out my brother has done the work, 'I can't forgive you for that, any chance you had of me coming back has gone now'

The correct response to that OP is an incredulous 'You thought I'd want YOU back???!'

Just read your posts on page 5 and you are well rid of this him, tiptoeing around on eggshells so you didn't upset him, horrible nasty man. He can't have any feelings for you at the moment to treat you like this, but I bet as soon as it goes t*ts up with his new dollybird his feelings for you will come back....

Hold your head high and get on with your life, you deserve so much better xx

paigesaunt

Thank you everyone, you have all really helped me through this last few weeks. I think I'm beginning to accept that I am better off without him. Life in our home now is so uncomplicated, the kids (I call them that, but actually it's my son of 19 and his gf who lives with us) are much happier, I can have visitors, and our home has come back to life, no miserable man sat in front of the TV, huffing and puffing about just about everything.

In addition to those things, during this few weeks when it was/is a possibility I have a major health issue, to cut us off and show no care or support whatsoever even to his son, really brought it home to me just how weak and pathetic he really was. I hope when he 'finds himself' he doesn't like what he see's, because that's what we've all seen for years, and God knows I've tried to help him overcome all his hang ups.

Thanks again, I'm sure Im not over it completely yet, but do feel Im on the forward path now, slept well, and that awful feeling in the pit of my stomach has gone.
Just got to keep busy, hope for a good result at hospital this week, and get back to work. X

misspickle_2

Good luck at the hospital op.

Do a little something everyday that puts a smile on your face.
Spoil yourself in little ways.
Do all the things you wanted to do but didn't do when your miserable old ball and chain was dragging you down.
Well done op. Onwards and upwards. Don't look back x

Amber_Sunshine

My ex didn't walk out on me for his GF. He didn't have the b***s. Instead, he made life so unbearable for me that my only option was to leave. And I am so glad I did. 10 years later and I have gone from strength to strength. I live abroad, in a fabulous city, have learnt the language, learnt self-sufficiency, have an amazing group of friends, enjoy blue skies every day (well, almost), and am enjoying life immensely.

He, on the other hand, is mouldering in a boring corner of the UK and !!!!!ing about life as a stepdad. Are they happy? I don't know. Do they think it was worth it? I don't care. I do allow myself an immense joy in feeling smug at how much better off I am without him :rotfl: