Heartbroken, my husband left me this morning for another woman

kingslayer

Judi wrote: »

Such words of wisdom from the almighty Kingslayer.:D

Hey, don't start on me. I am trying to give comforting words to the O.P. That is horrible for someone to do what her ex did and i don't agree with it from either gender, and honesty should always be a pivotal part of a relationship. I don't have as much life experience as a lot of the people here, so of course my advice will be limited, but I can offer sympathy surely?

System

kingslayer wrote: »

Hey, don't start on me. I am trying to give comforting words to the O.P. That is horrible for someone to do what her ex did and i don't agree with it from either gender, and honesty should always be a pivotal part of a relationship. I don't have as much life experience as a lot of the people here, so of course my advice will be limited, but I can offer sympathy surely?

Your words of comfort are as good as anyone elses. No one is denying its an awful thing to go through.

I got dumped and had 2 children under 3....best thing he did for me though cause if he didn't love me it left me free to be loved by someone else.

paigesaunt

Not sure who, but someone posted that he may have to detach himself to continue on the path he has chosen, I think you are bang on there, he just will not risk wanting to come home, so cut us off and pretend we don't exist until he's emotionally stable enough to say no I'm not coming home. I just hope by then, Im strong enough to tell him where to go! I find it hard to believe he doesn't reply because he doesn't care.

I have been told by everyone to leave him alone, it's so hard though! I very carefully word my messages not to sound needy, just simple, kids are okay, hope you are, glad to hear your mum is home from hospital now. I just think it's rude and childish not to reply.
I must try harder though!!!

I have been keeping busy, he left the house in a bit of a mess, he's a builder and has started many projects and gone off leaving me right in it, bathroom with no sink, garden fence which fell down in a storm last October, plus other stuff, so I've been trying to make things a bit tidier and my brother has offered to put these things right, but I'm a bit worried about agreeing to let him, as my brother is ex's biggest enemy, so would never come home even if he wanted to, if I've betrayed him in that way, but I want to get these things done before I start work next month (all being well at hospital next week)
The other thing is, what are the legalities regarding selling things, I need to raise some cash to finish off this work, we have a caravan which I have been offered a good price for, could I get into trouble? Obviously I would give him his half.
That's it for tonight, thank you all so much, it helps to hear all your views
Night all x

duchy

You husband has chosen to leave you and kids knowing things like the sink and fence aren't done . He didn't care enough to get them done before leaving so get them done however you can. If he doesn't like it - he should have thought about that before he left without doing them.

Why should you and you kids do without a bathroom sink or dogs getting into your garden because he won't like the person good enough to help you out. He lost the right to object when he chose to leave you all in the lurch.

You are so used to deferring to and tiptoing around his moods out of habit even when it inconveniences you that you are just following that old habit. Think about why you should anymore.

paigesaunt

Thank you duchy, and yes you are right, I am, and always was terrified of upsetting him and causing his moods, not because I'm scared of him but because I wanted him to love me, since he clearly doesn't, then no reason to continue trying to do what he wants me too.

His new girlfriend seems a bit Police happy, called the police on me when I went to see him last Monday, obviously I didn't know she goes to work with him (this is how he met her, he's got a new contract with a well known trade store, which she's organised) Im guessing he's told her Im a bit of a loony (remember I slapped him when I found out about her) and apparently this has been reported to the police, so she was only too eager for police involvement when I turned up at the job unannounced, that's a hard habit to break, under normal circumstances after a row that's what I would do, go and see him, go for a coffee and make friends, just struggled that day and thought it was worth a try.

I cannot lower myself to having police involvement in this, so will not be attempting to see him again at any point, nor do I want to give her the satisfaction of getting me into trouble, she's obviously desperate to keep him away from me. That's the reason I have concerns about selling anything to get these jobs done, can they report it to the police, I supose it's considered a joint asset, and not sure how those things get dealt with.

I know what he'll say when he finds out my brother has done the work, 'I can't forgive you for that, any chance you had of me coming back has gone now'
Oh goodness me, I wish he would just find his b*****ks and speak to me about this kind of stuff!
He's been paying some of the bills, he's paid Money into the account, but I don't know what it's for, it's all so ridiculous, why won't he see or speak to me, I'm not the bad guy after all

RAS

Hi

It is a joint asset and you have a problem or two for which you are jointly responsible; the lack of a sink and fence.

Joint and several ownership and liability means that you both own 100% of the asset and liability.

I would sell what you need and use it to fund the repairs.

You might want to pop down to your local police station, explain that you are worried about her reporting it as theft but that you cannot speak to your ex as he refuses to answer and you need to get the repairs done. That pre-empts any antics there.

purpleshoes_2

Why would you want him back, he sounds like a nightmare.

Its none of the new gfs business what you do with the joint assets.

paigesaunt

Thanks for the heads up RAS, and purpleshoes, I don't think I do want him back, just still emotionally attached at the moment I supose, I did love him, was just too scared to let him know that. Im assuming the no contact is to get the message across to me loud and clear, bit childish for a man of 52! Arnt you supposed to talk it through and decide together the best way forward for everyone, he's just run away, which is typical of him, very irresponsible, blames everyone but himself, and has huge chips on his shoulders. There Ive just talked myself out of liking him x

Jagraf

When my ex left me, about 15 years go, I told his mother I would always love him.

How wrong I was. I went from love, to hate, to indifference.

Try to separate fact from emotion a little bit x

Money_maker

No contact is really the way to go. You are trying to make a mockery of him for not speaking to you but you sound a little bunny boilerish if you dont mind me saying. You wont have anyone he doesn't like working in the house as it would scupper any chance of him coming back.

He's not coming back. Surely you wouldn't take him back? Love yourself and have some respect for yourself. Your life is now yours - take it.