Gay relationship advice

supermassive

He sounds like a selfish guy. If he gave a damn he'd be pulling out all the stops to see you, and he'd be making sure that he's not holding you back in any way.

From the sounds of it, you're just someone he likes to have around so he can feel good about himself, but when you're not there, he's not that fussed.

System

Funny really if the man I love put his leg over my side of the bed I'd feel reassured by it.... but that's me.

Ok if I was in some sort of stronghold I might complain but as a rule I'd find it somewhat endearing.

White-as-Snow

Sorry but I seem to be with the majority (if not all) of the posters replying to you OP and this does not seem very healthy to be honest whether it was a gay or straight relationship.

Oh and I used to travel 260 miles (one way) during the beginning of our relationship and no way would he have suggested that only I should do the traveling.

Its early in your relationship and it's the time where everything should be at its best before the stresses of life marriage/kids/living together etc when you should just be enjoying each other and being a couple.

If he doesn't want to make the effort then I personally don't see how anything will change for you. If you want to stay with him either he makes an effort and you grow together as a couple or he doesn't change and you keep complaining how you make all the effort and nothing changes.

Good luck OP.

Errata

TBH I can't see any benefit in putting yourself out for someone who clearly can't be bothered with you and doesn't give a monkey's about it.

purpleshoes_2

Judi wrote: »

Funny really if the man I love put his leg over my side of the bed I'd feel reassured by it.... but that's me.

Ok if I was in some sort of stronghold I might complain but as a rule I'd find it somewhat endearing.

In the context of the rest of the obnoxious behaviour that's not really relevant though is it? The OP's partner sounds less than endearing.

trailingspouse

If this was a heterosexual relationship, and he was the man and you were the woman, I would say GET OUT.

If this was a heterosexual relationship, and he was the woman and you were the man, I would say GET OUT.

If this was a homosexual relationship, and you were both women, I would say GET OUT.

If this was a platonic relationship and both of you were small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri, I would say GET OUT.

Ask yourself these questions -

Putting sex and sexuality aside, would you want this guy as your best mate?

What do you get out of the relationship (I mean actually get, not hope to get if only he was a bit nicer)?

As to adopting a child - single people can do this too, so start making enquiries.

victory

^^^^ absolutely.

Do you suffer from lack of confidence/self esteem and are hoping/wishing that your partner would 'turn into what you are hoping for' because that rarely happens, you are putting all the effort in and he in return is giving you nothing but negatives, in the first few months of a brand new relationship it should be full of happiness, laughter, getting to know each other, all exciting and fun, not full of negatives.

BigAunty

awolo1 wrote: »

Last night I told him that I wanted him to.come and see me. Since saying this he has done exactly what I thought he would do.

Questioned it and been very short with me

He did say he respects my decision

I was nice about the way I said things but worded it that the debts need paying so I will.have to.be careful with the money.

He asked why and I explained again, to which he said he was going to sleep during the conversation

OK, well you set him a test to see how much you mean to him and he didn't pass did he?

BigAunty

victory wrote: »

Do you suffer from lack of confidence/self esteem and are hoping/wishing that your partner would 'turn into what you are hoping for' because that rarely happens, you are putting all the effort in and he in return is giving you nothing but negatives, in the first few months of a brand new relationship it should be full of happiness, laughter, getting to know each other, all exciting and fun, not full of negatives.

Yes, I do wonder if the OP was hoping to find someone to rescue him from loneliness, have some intimacy, start making a nest, cut the apron strings from the parents, make him happy.

Instead he has ended up with a selfish partner who likes the idea of someone subisiding their lifestyle but gives nothing in return (apart from criticism and ingratitude).

I came across some interesting psychology books about how people can end up in toxic roles where one assumes the role of either the parent, child or adult and they each play their part.

In this case, bossy parent and weak child performing the 'oh, you make me so cross' role.

I wonder if the OP was initially impressed with his partner's maturity and dominance but has come to realise that it's at the expense of being treated like an inconsiderate child.

OP needs to understand he can never please his partner - his partner sounds like a bitter, f*cked up individual who has to hone in on more sensitive and vulnerable types because anyone with a higher degree of confidence would not put up with it.

Andypandyboy

I bet your parents can see through him too, whch may be one reason why they won't have him stay over.

OP, you are in a dead end relationship here (sorry to be blunt) gay or straight, everyone deserves love, respect and consideration from their partner and he isn't giving you any of those. He won't change. Move on.