Gay relationship advice

Pollycat

awolo1 wrote: »

Thanks to everybody has given input

Update.

Last night I told him that I wanted him to.come and see me. Since saying this he has done exactly what I thought he would do.

Questioned it and been very short with me

He did say he respects my decision

I was nice about the way I said things but worded it that the debts need paying so I will.have to.be careful with the money.

He asked why and I explained again, to which he said he was going to sleep during the conversation

And that's it?

Where do you go from here?

awolo1

We recently went for sexual screening tests because he had a scare about 2 years ago
Turns out he never has this problem.despite initial tests saying different.
A sexual screening test for me with a blood test has always been something I have tried to.avoid because I have a big phobia of needles. Turns out that it wasn't as bad as I thought and the nurse made me feel at ease (if it wasn't for her, I don't think I could have coped)

My partner was very demanding that I had the test because he did. He did not consider my feelings and I thought the way he spoke to.me.during the time was unacceptable and often rude. He was not supportive.

I did feel during that time that he was my partner more like a piece of dirt.

All my results came back clear and so did his.

Since then, our sex life (mostly on his part) has been dead.he has mentioned that during sex he gets the impression that I'm not enjoying it. I have told him to try changing some of his ways which he said he would. He hasn't changed and now doesn't want to step up.to the line.

Our sex life is dead but he doesn't find it easy to.discuss sex whereas I do

awolo1

Pollycat wrote: »

And that's it?

Where do you go from here?

Its in my blood to.make.something work but I need to.make a decision and based on the current atmosphere, which is less than cheery, is making that decision a lot.easier to.make.

Pollycat

Does he have any redeeming qualities at all?

Because from what you have written so far, it doesn't sound like it.

System

Take out the sex side of your relationship and what are you left with?

My guess is that there's very little.

Trust me the controlling side of his nature will be harder to deal with over time.

fivetide

iammumtoone wrote: »

I just wonder why you put gay relationship advise? does it matter -you are in a relationship, I can't see what different it makes how that relationship is formed. ?

This was my thought too OP - no one cares if you are gay, get over it hah hah


However, reading the thread, what you seem to have here is simply a bad relationship. Move on and get someone who treats you with a bit of respect and doesn't bully you.

harrys_nan

Walk away, you deserve much much better, I don't care whether your gay or straight, this is NOT how a relationship should be.
Be kind to yourself and find someone that will love you for you and not how they want to to control you to be the way they want.

purpleshoes_2

awolo1 wrote: »

We recently went for sexual screening tests because he had a scare about 2 years ago
Turns out he never has this problem.despite initial tests saying different.
A sexual screening test for me with a blood test has always been something I have tried to.avoid because I have a big phobia of needles. Turns out that it wasn't as bad as I thought and the nurse made me feel at ease (if it wasn't for her, I don't think I could have coped)

My partner was very demanding that I had the test because he did. He did not consider my feelings and I thought the way he spoke to.me.during the time was unacceptable and often rude. He was not supportive.

I did feel during that time that he was my partner more like a piece of dirt.

All my results came back clear and so did his.

Since then, our sex life (mostly on his part) has been dead.he has mentioned that during sex he gets the impression that I'm not enjoying it. I have told him to try changing some of his ways which he said he would. He hasn't changed and now doesn't want to step up.to the line.

Our sex life is dead but he doesn't find it easy to.discuss sex whereas I do

So you want to stay with someone who treats you like a piece of dirt, won't pay their way financially and you have no sex life with (after a few months).

If you do stay with this man don't expect to have a happy life.

haras_nosirrah

are you some kind of sado masochist

the guy is a knob - dump him

DUTR

awolo1 wrote: »

I have been seeing somebody since October of last year and we have been enjoying life, spending time with friends, seeing a lot of each other, discussing future plans, what we want from life, planning trips and holidays.

We don't live round the corner from each other it is about 70 mile drive but as I live still at the family home, my parents aren't so keen on him staying because they say they don't know him enough, so we have made the decision that I will stay at his which involves the drive 3/4 times a week.

In his opinion, he doesn't see the point/effort in coming to visit me at my home because he can't stay over which I fully understand, but he misses the point that this may get him brownie points in the longer term enabling him to stay over. However he seems to "forget" about this point. I do find it frustrating because there is a lot to do where I live and because I work shifts, we often get full days off together both in the week and weekend to be able to spend time together.

It's worth mentioning that he also doesn't contribute or ever offer towards the cost of petrol which is about £200 per month, but I never complain about this, I know it's my decision to travel to see him, but If i didn't do the travelling, would he come and see me? His view on the travelling is that he did it with an ex partner (140 miles) and knows all about it. I get the impression that because he did it in a previous relationship and got so fed up with it, he is reluctant to do it for us.

The other issue I have is that we recently started discussing finances and he accuses me of not being open or honest, however I have argued the toss that I have been honest 100%, to which he agrees (so he is saying things wanting a reaction) and says that I haven't been 'OPEN' about my finances. I am about £6k in debt, but I didn't talk about it when we first met because it wasn't relevant. He assumed I was very well to do because of people I know in my industry and line of work -- however this is HIS assumption. He says I am cagey because I can't give granular information such as exact amounts on the cards, interest rates and that the total amount changes every time we talk about my debt.

I'm not 120% confident in discussing my finances with him because I feel that I am still getting to know him, but it seems it's all or nothing with him and that if I don't reveal the information ; he will not want to be with me. I had the ultimatum a few times this morning. He suffers from GAD (Generalised anxiety dissorder) so he tells me so I'm not sure if that can present itself an issue.


There was also an issue the other evening where I was so tired, I fell asleep without texting him good night. And he text me saying "hello?", "who you talking to?". the last message was exactly that: who you talking to. I felt that it was accusational and that he doesn't trust me, I told him I am not talking to anybody.

I am very open / honest with him about my feelings and often express how I care/feel for him, but he never expresses how he feels. It is fustrating because I can never fully understand how he feels about me. He says that I should wait and not prompt him when I've briefly mentioned it in the past.



He shouts in arguments, and can be quite nasty/vicious in the way he says thing. Also, this may be silly, but if I put my leg onto his side of the bed whilst asleep, I can be woken up by him pushing it away from him. He also doesn't like to share things and can be quite selfish.

This is quite the contrary when he wants to know the ins and outs of my finances and life in general (if I keep something a secret, he flips).

I feel that everything with him is going down the gutter, this morning he expressed how unhappy he was about me not disclosing information about my finances. I always keep my cool and have told him that I haven't been in a relationship before so I am learning everyday.

IS This normal?! Please can anybody with experience comment because it would be good to know what others think. What should I be doing?

I don't want to end it, but I feel that he blames me for everything and that I am the problem. It's quite the opposite, I feel like I am a pushover.

It's time to come out of the friendship, doesn't matter what your persuasion is, from what I read, you are both not a good catch for each other. Only 4 months and there are these issues, they can only esculate, in the meantime, you are clocking up excess mileage high fuel bills and slowing the time you can reduce your debts, if your partner was more interested in you, then he would be showing more willing.
It seems he is just biding time, until a more local more appealing proposition appears on the scene.