We all need to be heard for a little while.

System

Ooh your holiday sounds exciting WaS! Hope you have an amazing time

Gah, the whole election thing is depressing as hell, now seriously fretting over the future and how i'm going to cope with the changes

But ig ot see Swain so that took my mind off things, he bought e a really cute dragon/pony plushie back from the seaside. OOh and i've decided for my birthday i want to go and watch the wrestling! They are doing a live tour in november so i want to go to that Its something we both enjoy watching and will be something different. :j

Oooooh and i got a charity shop bargain yeesterday. I got a pair of converse shoes (barely worn!) for £2.99! They should be £45 brand new! And they are really comfy to wear!

Pyxis

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

Gah, the whole election thing is depressing as hell, now seriously fretting over the future and how i'm going to cope with the changes

I don't think you need to worry, MessedUp. I don't think you'll notice any major changes for a long time if at all. Honestly. Please don't fret. :A

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

Oooooh and i got a charity shop bargain yeesterday. I got a pair of converse shoes (barely worn!) for £2.99! They should be £45 brand new! And they are really comfy to wear!

A charity-shop girl after my own heart! Converse for £2.99! Wow!

Waves_and_Smiles

That's so sweet of you, whitewing. Well done on the martial arts and well done to littlewing, too!

I also bought some of the cannobinol oil as I vape anyway and I am not sure about it yet. It seems to make me very fuzzy headed and headachey but it also seems to help with the pain in my legs. I am on so much medication already that things tend to clash so my fuzzy head could be to do with mixing drugs rather than its real effect. I shall persevere in tiny amounts and see how I feel.

Don't worry too much about the election, MU. I say that as someone who panics terribly at the first sign of any communication from the DWP and who ended up sectioned when I was last assessed because I completely lost the plot. I always get myself into a state and so far everything has gone fine and I needn't have worried and made myself even more ill at all. Us worrying about it won't change anything, it will just make us feel worse before anything has even happened and we owe ourselves better than that. (Remind me of this when my ESA is up for review next year and I totally freak out, please). Last time was just embarrassing because I became extremely psychotic, was admitted to hospital and it turned out ATOS had already placed me into the support group without any need for an assessment so I made myself very ill for no reason at all. They didn't even plan to interview me!

The point is yes, it can be bad but it can also be absolutely fine. It took me 6 months in relapse to get back to where I was before the form came through and I needn't have worried at all, they totally accepted I was too ill to work on previous evidence and my explanation. I am not going to do this to myself again. We will be fine MU, and anyway, nothing will change overnight. It takes years for these policies to be drawn up and implemented.

So excited about my holiday and so thankful to the lovely person who is making it possible!

whitewing

Oh you lot! You have made me get totally carried away with being brave (for me).

I have just signed up for a fun run to raise money for a cancer charity. Even though DH is at work so I don't know how I am going to get there, and I don't feel confident about asking anyone to go with me, so I will do it on my own. I'm not planning on running - just walking.

I also don't feel confident about asking people to sponsor me, even though it is really sponsoring the charity. I normally hate sponsored events on principle. The charity is being quite reasonable in its suggestion for each person to raise. I may just sponsor myself and not tell anyone else that I am doing it. Otherwise I am going to panic that I am not worthy of being sponsored.

WaS, if you hadn't panicked about your assessment then we may never have 'met' you. I am really, really delighted about your holiday too. Apart from anything else it shows the importance of being able to dream, because small dreams become bigger dreams and some dreams come true.

Georgiegirl256

Yay whitewing! That is very brave of you. I don't think I could sign up by myself. I admire you for doing so.

I've signed up for one (for Hospice at Home who looked after my Dad) with my Uncle. It's a colour run one. I'd normally be pretty excited about doing something like that, but I just can't muster any up at the moment. I know what you mean about the sponsorship (we have to raise at least £75 each), as people are just getting sick of being approached nowadays, but don't ever think you're not worthy, you totally are!

mellymoo74

Exploring

Had a wobble am ok again now.
I may be slightly food relapsing so if I keep disappearing I'm having a bad day.

Georgiegirl256

I've had abit of a bad day today. Just feeling really down. Will penguin this next bit out just in case.

PENGUIN

So the undertaker brought my Dad's ashes back home, ready for tomorrow. At first my Mam said she'd be ok and that I needn't go round, but she was soon on the phone and asked me to pop round for an hour or so. As soon as I stepped through the front door, I could hear her sobbing her heart out. It was horrible. it's a really surreal experience. She'd put them on his computer chair, and I gave him last hugs and kisses goodbye.

I don't know if I mentioned, but originally it was just meant to be family who was going to go to the scattering of his ashes, but people just started to invite themselves along. We weren't really happy about it from the start, but my Mam being the polite not wanting to offend anyone person that she is didn't want to say anything, so she didn't. What is most annoying is that people phoned my Uncle to say they'd like to come along, and didn't phone my Mam. Which in my eyes would have been the polite and correct thing to do. As time goes on, it's annoying me more and more. We don't really want them there, it's a private thing, and we don't want an audience. It's really bugging me, and I'm actually really quite annoyed by it whilst at the same time thinking it's nice that they want to go. Arghh!!

As it was arranged for this Sunday fairly last minute, we were hoping that it would have been to short notice for people, but no, two more are meant to be joining us now! My Mam wouldn't say anything because as much as she'd prefer them not to be there she also thinks that it's nice they expressed a desire to be there.

I was even feeling guilty before that if they couldn't come then we'd done my Dad wrong because we'd organised it last minute and denied them the chance of going! Unbelievable isn't it, when we don't even really want them there....we worry about hurting people's feelings!

There has been one mix up though. My Aunty still thought it was the 17th and told my cousin so. Good job I phoned earlier because he didn't have a clue it was tomorrow. So hopefully he'll be able to get through, as he's family and I want him to be there.

Anyhow, I'm just feeling really on edge, just really unsettled. Before, I felt like I did back in the end of December, beginning of the year. Things will get better won't they? Things will get easier? I've only really lost my grandparents (who I was close to), and my Mam's two brothers (although I was only young when one died) before, so a lot of things are new to me, and I've certainly never experienced scattering someone's ashes before. I think just seeing him before as unsettled me abit but at the same time, it was good to be close to him again.

I think it's just that it's time now to be where he wants to be and settled at last..

END PENGUIN

Anyhow, I'm off to bed, it's been a long emotional day, and I'm tired. I've got to be up early, as we're setting off at 9.30am. I probably won't be able to sleep though.

mellymoo74

I promise it gets easier the firsts are the hardest (one of the reasons mourning was for a year)
It won't go away completely I still want to call my dad sometimes and I have really really wanted him the last few months but coping gets easier.
Xxxxxxx

Pyxis

Will be thinking of you today, Georgie. :A

Waves_and_Smiles

It will get easier, Georgie but it will take time. You will be in my thoughts today and I will also think of your lovely dad just the way you described him to us.