We all need to be heard for a little while.

Pyxis

Hugs to everyone who needs one, with sick selves or sick babies or poorly pets. ((((((((((((All)))))))))))))

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Finally got round to getting my hair cut. It was long overdue. Got about 5-6" off, could have stuffed a cushion with all that was on the floor! Next thing to do is to dye it, I much prefer it dark brown/black than my normal auburn. I've found a dye that I've had in for over a year but can't find a use by date on it. Does anyone know how long they last for?
!

Why not do a strand test and see what happens?

elsien

Not a poorly pet, just an annoying one. Dog training restarted tonight and we ventured out into the great outdoors rather than the training room.
He interpreted sit as sunbathe, stay as commando crawl and come as turn into whirling dervish and spin madly for 5 minutes. Not our finest hour.

Not had chance to catch up with the thread yet, so hoping WaS is coping with less meds and anyone lacking in motivation gets a burst of energy tomorrow. My efforts to cut down on screen time after 10 pm are failing miserably, think I need one of those parental control things for myself.

Edit - just read about the poorly baby IndieKid, sending positive thoughts his way.

whitewing

So sorry about the poorly baby. I hate it when little ones are ill - it is so scary and they are so tiny. How precious they are.

Absolutely huge massive penguin coming up:

As much as I am enjoying my martial arts, I have also been struggling too, aside from the lack of fitness and obesity. I hate jumping but am not entirely sure if this is merely a physical thing or if it is to do with feeling exposed. (I am not exposed; clothes are loose and firmly in place).

I find some of the positions 'degrading' to do myself, and am vaguely aware that it is an abnormal reaction as I don't feel it is degrading to other people when I see them doing it. In fact, I admire how good everyone looks with their athletic prowess. It's not jealousy either as I accept that I am the size I am.

The main position that I really hate is the press ups, which I do on my knees as I can't do the normal kind yet. I understand how good they are for me, and so I do them. I'm not that elegant and I am very slow but I can get through the required amount I need to do, and finish around the same time as the fit people finish their hundreds more. I just feel very uncomfortable in the position.

And now I know why. I now remember when I was a teenager, I was pinned down on all fours (thankfully with my T shirt and shorts still on; I don't know why that is important to me but it is) while somebody rubbed themselves against me until they came all over my clothes.

Until tonight, I had never told anyone. The person who did it is someone I still see occasionally and, for various reasons, I will not report. I am 100% certain that he will not have the opportunity to do anything like it to anyone else, and I also know that it was down to various extremely odd circumstances at the time, which have been resolved a long time ago.

As with probably most of these kind of classes, 10 press ups are given as a 'punishment' if you are the last to do something or if you forget something. It is done in a goodhearted way and the fit blokes do it with good grace. Not so me. On the two occasions that I have supposed to have done them, I have flatly refused without explanation.

I have a huge problem with doing it when no one else is doing it. (I don;t feel at all in danger - it just feels 'degrading' and I know logically that not a single person in the room is batting an eyelid.

But it has been bothering me now for weeks. I haven't told the instructors about any of my mh conditions, although I think they probably realise that there is a certain amount of 'vunerability' from the questions I ask sometimes. I have been wrestling with whether I should just speak to them, but I didn't know if I should should get on and accept my 'punishment' as a good means of desensitising. I also didn't want to dump my tangled feelings on anyone else in my home town. (I know they would be professional). I have to stress that the classes feel safe and are exceptionally well run.

I went on some websites to see if I could have an online conversation with a helpline, as I didn't want DH to overhear. But couldn't find anywhere that offered the online messaging that didn't regard sexual assault as a 'power' thing. I don't feel that it was a 'power' thing in my situation. I think it was unhappiness, frustration and sexual frustration. I know it is the responsibility of the person who did it, but there are third parties that I am far more angry with, who wouldn't be held in any way responsible if I did report it.

Tonight, I felt tearful and began to have suicidal thoughts.

I have now told my husband. Of course, the first thing he asked was: who was it? So I have told him.

He took it better than I thought. I love my husband.

We have agreed that I will just get on and do any punishment press ups at my classes and I will talk to him afterwards if I feel bad.

I feel so much better now. It was the lack of decision that was upsetting me so badly.

Pyxis

Thank you so much for that, Whitewing. It was very brave of you to share that.
I'm so glad you told your DH. Now if you have bad feelings, about it, you have someone to share them with.

Why not see what happens at the classes, and if you have to do that task, see how you feel afterwards, if necessary, talking to DH about it, to see if that diffuses things?

The fact that you have shared will, hopefully, dilute it somewhat, too.

Big hugs! ((((((((((((((((((Whitewing)))))))))))))))))))

heartbreak_star

Big hugs, Whitewing. It's horrible when the logical part of your brain gets over-ridden by illogical feelings

I'm a sports coach, and I'd be horrified if someone felt so bad about a certain exercise. Is it possible, if just doing the press-ups and talking to DH doesn't help, to ask the instructors if there's something like squats you can do instead?

HBS x

seven-day-weekend

Thanks for sharing that Whitewing, and I'm sure talking about it to your OH will really help.

Wishing you a lovely day, filled with things that make you happy xx

codemonkey

Thank you for being brave enough to share that whitewing.

Penguin reply

I can understand why you don't want to report it. Having been attacked, reported it and being told it was all my fault, what did I expect and no, we're not going to bother investigating, I've gone from wondering why anyone wouldn't report it to wondering why anybody would.

I think with the martial arts you're doing the right thing. I find pushups hard too, even when I was skinny and in shape, and I'm embarrassed by that but I do them because they're good for so many muscle groups. If you keep at it, you'll get stronger and will be able to do them in a less worrying position for you. It might be worth talking to your instructors though and tell them about the fact that you might panic and ask for a different punishment - you can tell them a general why rather than go into details.

Do you mind me asking which martial art? I kind of want to do the Israeli army one (the name escapes me). They teach special self defence classes that seem to be quite effective and empowering for women.

Solarjunkie

Well done Whitewing both for your physical and mental efforts. :j(Exercising smiley!) I don't think this is a penguin, but just to be sure -

If your class leader is aware that you're "vulnerable", could you have a quiet word & explain you feel exposed and would feel much better if someone did them with you? Could he choose 2 to "punish", or would one of your classmates agree to "put one in the bank" - ie do a "punishment" before it's needed?
Hopefully, these repetitions will dilute some of your associations. And as you get better at them, you will become empowered, an exercise you choose to do because it's good for your body.

jobbingmusician

Whitewing, it does sound as if telling us, and then DH, is an important achievement that will help you. I feel very touched that you have told us. And a second vote here for asking the martial arts people if you can do a different exercise as 'punishment'.

Actually, I've just re-read your penguin, and think maybe I disagree with myself. You have come up with a strategy in conjunction with DH, and if you are comfortable with that, it's even better that you have found a way through the problem between you xxxx

lostinrates

Whitewing, just lots of fondness for you, and admiration for how you ave decided to tackle this.