We all need to be heard for a little while.

Waves_and_Smiles

Aw, thank you both! I really noticed things like the breeze on my face, how the air felt and how my hair moved. I experience these things so rarely that it feels all new to me. Much to WaSp's embarrassment I also hugged a tree. It has been a very long time since I have touched a tree, usually I just dive from the flat to the car and vice versa. Even when on my animal trips it has been quickly moving from enclosure to enclosure, no actual walking down streets involved. Being outside in daylight without a blanket is a wonderful thing!

metalswan

I'm bursting with pride WaS!!! That's a massive thing to even consider and you just achieved it!!! I'm so happy for you that I just did a little dance and I'm grinning from ear to ear. Well done, give yourself a cake or five!
Hi to everyone else and a big thank you for accepting and welcoming me. It meant such a lot to me!
I think this thread has such a positive effect, just brilliant!!!

elsien

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

. Much to WaSp's embarrassment I also hugged a tree!

There are some things you really need to have been there to see. That's fantastic, WaS. Was the sun out, did you get to feel the sun on your face? I'm sitting here smiling as well.

metalswan

I completely agree with fear taking over sometimes. It does have a relevant role but when it causes you to change things you want to do or to miss out then it's got a bit out of control.

It's a big thing for me too, having a full on adrenaline reaction to writing this! however the more I do it and receive no negative consequence it diminishes a little. Anyway, if WaS can do it then anything can be done with the support of all the amazing people here.

I cured myself of a fear of flying once when training for my counselling cert. We were doing a CBT project and I didn't feel confident to practise on another real live person so I used my own fear of flying. It worked brilliantly, I'm such a fan of CBT.

Going to stop now, my hands are shaking so much I keep hitting the wrong keys and I have sweat running off me, a dry mouth and racing heart! I'm ok though! Still here, just going to have a walk and a bubble bath to reset.

Flings a load of warm handshakes and hugs around and leaves a large tray of homemade oaty biscuits in the duvet fort.
xx

jobbingmusician

Sooooooooooo happy for you, WaS! That is truly amazing!!!!

Is anyone else watching Better Call Saul? His brother, who has (imaginary, yes, I do believe it's a real thing for some people but not him) allergy to sunlight and fluorescent lights, forgot about it this week and absentmindedly went outside for the first time. Just shows, if you get enough support in other areas of your life, it REALLY helps!!!!!

Let's hear it, team WaS - WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP! (Not that we are taking the credit. The credit belongs to WaS!)

(And to metalswan for posting despite the adrenaline! )

:A:A:A:A:A

Waves_and_Smiles

Awwww, thank you! The tree hugging part was amusing with WaSp whining that now he was worried about people looking at us, nevermind me worrying about it!

I did feel the sun and it was wonderful! The breeze in my hair was amazing, my hair moved! The air felt so fresh and now this flat seems really musty to me. I do open windows but I clearly need to do so more often. I am going to attempt this every week for a start and then try to build up to more regularly. I am shaking like a leaf now and can't quite believe I managed it but I did! I did take Sir P with me for reassurance but I shall allow myself to bring him if I can forgo a blanket.

I admit I am rather proud of myself right now.

Aw, Metalswan, I am proud of you for posting, too! You will never get a negative reaction here, it makes me smile when you post! You deserve a cake too!

Solarjunkie

:j :j WaS. that is amazing! This is a quote from the original post "I have only left my flat for 4 times in the last year, all for hospital appointments."
Well, you certainly can't say that anymore! As well as going out (WITHOUT a blanket!!!!) you have recently endured workmen coming and going at odd hours, which would make anyone tense, with or without mh issues. And what did you do? You made friends with them, enjoyed their singing, gave them tea and biscuits! The old Worried & Scared has sooo left the scene, now it's new shiny WaS all the way.

It seems several people on here are facing issues in a similar way, ie taking a deep breath and practising repeatedly doing a little bit of The Big Thing, whatever that is. Look what you've started WaS, look how many people are being helped with their various difficulties, inspired to take that first step.

Well done to you all.

WaS, don't forget if you've been crying you need to redydrate....;)


Just a thought, isn't it odd that both agoraphobia and agraphobia have similar results, that of not wanting to go out?

codemonkey

WaS, if it helps any, I hug trees quite a lot. Especially very old ones. They must have seen an absorbed so much and sometimes you can feel that energy and its calming and healing.

Also old stone.

I probably look like a crazy hippy.

Also, there is something wonderful and beautiful about the joy you take in life - in the simple things that people don't notice - the wind on your face, singing workmen etc. The world needs more of this. You've inspired me to notice the small wonderful details that I sometimes miss. So thank you.

codemonkey

Also, metalswan, keep posting. You're Team WaS now.

Waves_and_Smiles

Hahahaha! I just had a glass of water, Solar! I really need to read my first post back to myself one day. I avoid it because I get the feeling that there will be a lot of cringing involved! Since I have posted here and you have all become my family things have improved so much, just being accepted changed so much for me.

A lot of my problems when I first started this thread were that I felt insane and as if everyone knew it. As if I had a label stuck on my forehead telling everyone to keep away from the mad person. I didn't feel as if I belonged anywhere and people would never accept me for being me.

The more you all accepted me here, the braver I have become to try things I wouldn't have otherwise considered and slowly I am managing to do more. I do have to take things at a very slow pace but I am fine with that, it took years for me to become as isolated as I was and it will likely take years to undo it but as long as I get there in the end I am happy.

Little things do stand out to me, code. Because I have been isolated for so long I really notice things that are pleasantly different, and then usually get ridiculously excited about them! It actually takes very little to make bounce around like a child!

I am so thrilled with myself for going out today. A woman walked past me too and she didn't freak out and neither did I! It is a huge thing for me to be able to walk past a stranger as weird as that sounds. I can do this and I will! I am determined!