We all need to be heard for a little while.

Waves_and_Smiles

Rainforest!

When we got there we given a health and safety briefing. I was not to grab or stroke any animals at all because they are all wild and haven't been domesticated. I was to stand still and let them interact with me and the keeper would step in if they need removing from me. If the keeper told me to leave I had to go immediately to the exit door and close the second gate to protect myself. That was a slightly worrying briefing!

First we went to see the toucans and agouti who share the same biome. I met Max the toucan who was so friendly! .He came up very close and gently took food from my palm, you wouldn't believe how gentle toucans are! Their beaks look sharp but he used his like fingers and barely touched my hand. Max hates men because they paired him with Martha his girlfriend and he see's all men as a threat to her so he will fly at men's faces and try to attack them! He was incredibly sweet with me though, and frequently took grapes to Martha and gently put them into her beak. He clearly adores her. He was a hand-reared pet who nearly died because of lack of care (toucans are not pets!) so he was slowly recovering. Some of his food had medication in it which he took happily and he looked a bit bedraggled compared to Martha. Max has a little trick-if you throw a tiny pellet of dried food in the air he catches them in his beak! He caught one 6 times from me!

Then I fed Jack the agouti. He had been sitting at my feet closely watching Max being fed. I got onto my knees and held out mango to him and he happily took it, he is surprisingly strong and yanked it out of my grasp! He sat next to me and ate it, he used his paws just as a hamster does, turning it and pulling off bits of mango. Agouti's are the only animal that can bite through a brazil nut in its shell, their jaws are that powerful. After he had his mango I gave him some more fruit and he dug tiny little holes all the way around me and buried each piece, adorably he smoothed the soil over the top of each hole so that it looked undisturbed!

I then had a 20 minute break in the cafe and a free coffee and slice of cake which was sweet of them. Then another keeper arrived and told me to bring a bottle of water because the next biome was 92% humidity! The heat was amazing and the huge plants everywhere were dripping water because the humidity was so high, if I thought that was bad there was worse to come.

We first went to the pygmy marmosets. They live in an enclosed glass area because they need 95% humidity! I have never felt anything so wet and sticky! Because they are small they get scared if they are surrounded by giant humans so the keeper told me I would enter the enclosure and walk around and he would stand by the exit door. He then asked me if I was ok with bugs. I said sure, thinking I have fed dry mealworms to hamsters, I can do this. He then tipped out lots of very much alive, crawling mealworms into my hand! I managed not to scream...

They have 3 Pygmy Marmosets who are a family. The dad hates the world and everyone in it (including any other marmosets outside of his family) and won't approach anyone but his wife and daughter love people. As soon as I walked in they came over and began picking mealworms out of my hand. The keeper mixed some chopped fruit in my hand, too and chilli the baby spent ages carefully sorting through the fruit to find the mealworms, they are her favourite! Eventually, she climbed into my wrist so she could eat directly from my hand! She was as light as a feather and again, really gentle and not at all afraid.

WaSp says he wished he had taken before and after pictures because I went into the enclosure as normal and came out looking like I had had a shower! My fringe was wet with sweat and my hair was lank. 95% humidity is incredible, my temperature regulation doesn't work anyway so I was unbelievably hot!

I was then told to sit down for a few minutes and drink more water, they have had people faint in there due to the heat so are very cautious. The keeper than went into Cinnamon the Sloth's enclosure to check on her. Luckily for me she was fast asleep at shoulder height. This meant I could walk up to her. I was told to go to the exit immediately if she opened her eyes and stay very quiet, she can move as fast as monkey if she wants and her claws can seriously hurt people. She was gorgeous! she had a greenish shine on her fur which is algae and was smiling in her sleep!

We then went to the Geoldi's monkeys. They saw us coming and all 6 started screaming at the top of their voices for food! It is an ear-piercing shriek! Even though they are fed 5 times a day they act the same way everytime it's food time. They all lined up on a branch in the enclosure and looked at me while screaming! What really stood out is they make clear eye contact. They stare straight at your face and scream! I held out a handful of grapes and they all took them, pushing each other out of the way. They picked up each grape and examined it, if they decided they didn't like that one they threw it onto the floor and picked up another!

One got impatient and climbed onto my shoulder and moved down my arm so that he got to the grapes first. Another got onto my shoulder and started pulling my hair apart strand by strand, this was a grooming behaviour to show friendship. Grapes are their favourites and when we tried other fruit they all threw it onto the floor and screamed for more grapes!

After that my experience was due to be over but the very kind keeper said is there anything else you would like to meet? I said anything! So he put me back in the cafe for more fluid while he went to get more food. When he came back he asked if I had problems with large reptiles, I said no so he took me to Colleen the Pygmy crocodile!

Colleen was beautiful! I thought she was sleeping at first because she was so still. I was able to get quite close to her (she isn't huge, about the size of a medium dog) and as soon as I threw some meat at her she suddenly shot at it like a bolt of lightening and swallowed it in one! Then she went back to sitting as still as a statue again! She was such a pretty crocodile, a really lovely shade of green.

We then fed the giant tortoise and turtles who ate pieces of carrots! I was allowed to stroke the tortoise on his head while he ate, he didn't mind at all. We then went to the piranahs and I threw meat into their tank, they eat so quickly! Finally I was taken into the staff area and allowed to meet Connie the Carpet Python. She had just had surgery to remove a growth so was being kept safely where she could be observed. The poor girl had a bandage! I was able to stroke her head, she was also incredibly pretty.

As well as the display animals they had ducks, tropical partridges, lizards and frogs which roam anywhere they want all over the areas. The keeper pointed out what I thought was a small spider sitting on a wall. He then put it into my hand and it was a tiny frog about half the size of my fingernail! They estimate that there are 200 of these hopping around but the public rarely notice them because they are so tiny.

The keeper then took me back to reception and gave me a toucan cuddly toy which was the spitting image of Max! We stayed for over 3 hours, 2 after closing and they didn't charge WaSp entrance fee. They were absolutely lovely and told me that we could come back free of charge for the rest of the year!

System

Oh WaS that sounds wonderful! So glad you had such an amazing time! I'd love to meet a sloth in person! Don't think i could cope with it being that hot :eek: Sounds like they really looked after you too which is always good to hear Will you and WaSP be making an return trips?

Waves_and_Smiles

We will definitely go back! They were so incredibly kind, I had only booked to meet 4 animals but they allowed me to stay for ages after closing and meet everything. When we got there there were only 3 keepers around so I was able to go blanket free which is just as well, the heat is unbelievable! They constantly tell you to drink and ask if you are ok. I have no idea how Pygmy Marmosets like 95% humidity whilst wearing fur coats!

mellymoo74

Well done WaS, it sounds great

Pyxis

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

He does need a name! Open to suggestions

Well, we've had Beau, so how about Swain, which means a young man, suitor/lover etc!

(From Old Norse sveinn, meaning young man).

System

Pyxis wrote: »

Well, we've had Beau, so how about Swain, which means a young man, suitor/lover etc!

(From Old Norse sveinn, meaning young man).

Oooh i like it Swain it is

jobbingmusician

Ooooo WaS, that sounds an AMAZING experience! I bet it was nice for the keepers, too, to have such an appreciative audience - someone who wasn't scared of the animals and really liked them. Did WaSP like it as well?

Your socks ARE on their way... sort of. In fact I'm not sure where I've put them.... but I haven't actually forgotten Did you like the pix of baby chameleons?

I must admit I logged on at this silly hour cos I thought 'OMG, WaS hasn't told us about the sloth yet - I do hope she's OK!' But all was well

Waves_and_Smiles

Penguin concerning descriptive, psychotic thoughts and harm to myself. Don't worry, I am fine!

I have just read this back and it is quite disturbing in parts, although very honest. Please be careful and don't read if you feel shaky today. I feel that I need to add that my psychotic thoughts are directed at myself only. They never involve another person, any violence is only directed at myself.

Sometimes I become tired and frustrated at my mental health problems. I have many abnormal thoughts a day, far more than I record here or tell anyone about and I am constantly grappling with myself not to carry out what my compulsions tell me to do. I get tired of constantly having voices in my head reminding that I am a horrid person and telling me that will I die soon because that is what I deserve. I get tired with psychosis in general.

I don't even tell my psychiatrist how bad it is. This is because when I have told people in the past they tend to panic. Voluntary sections and mental health residential living is immediately suggested because they don't believe that I can keep a handle on it all. My medication is increased everytime which turns me into someone who can barely walk, literally dribbles, slurs her speech and just sits staring at the wall unable to think. As much as I have a good relationship with my psychiatrist if he knew how bad the psychotic thoughts were he wouldn't be prepared to leave things as they are.

I made a decision with my psychiatrist to leave myself with a certain amount of psychosis in exchange for less medication, despite the psychotic thoughts I prefer to be able to function and mostly I can cope with it. I cannot take the average dose of anti-psychotic medication, my body responds badly to it as if it was a far higher dose. But it's tiring and I cannot tell anyone what it is like for fear of them becoming afraid for me and taking actions that I don't wish for and that I know will just give me a different type of suffering that is far worse.

I probably think of ways to harm myself 20 times a day, equally I consider ways to take my own life just as often. The thing with psychosis is those thoughts don't come out of depression, they make me feel excited and alive, as if it would be a wonderful thing to carry them out. The thought of doing so is one of elation. I know that the thoughts are unhealthy and I can stop myself acting on them but it takes an incredible amount of self-will. It is frightening sometimes. It is scary to think of slashing your arms and to feel excitement at watching the blood flow, it is scary to wonder how it would feel to leap from a window and feel your body crash to the ground just to see what sensations there would be. It is scary that the emotions when thinking about these things aren't what they are meant to be, what should make me afraid makes me long for it because it feels thrilling and brand new and my curiosity about what it would be like is very powerful.

I have paranoid thoughts constantly, that someone listening outside my door, that my phone is tapped, that the tv has a camera in it. Then more extreme ones that perhaps I am an alien, or my DNA was altered at birth, that perhaps this world isn't real and I am just dreaming and if I died in this life I would wake up. Again, I know that they aren't real but they feel it and I have to fight hard to dismiss them until the next thought crops up.

I constantly relive my past, every wrong that I ever think that I have done to people. I replay them in my mind and feel guilt and shame as if it just happened. I lay awake for 2 hours at least every night recalling any memories that make me hate myself. I use CBT to control these thoughts many times a day.

Even during happy times the thoughts are there. I am shown animals and I wonder how it would feel if they attacked me, how it would feel to see my arm being ripped from it's socket. How much blood would there be, would the bone be white? The thought makes me excited and I can't help giggling. Then I realise that it is a psychotic thought so I make a joke so those around me think that is why I am laughing. Everyone believes me, I have become a very good actress. Inside I am screaming at myself to get control and push the thought away.

I can control the psychosis and not let it take over but I am fighting it all of the time. It is there every day from when I wake up until I go to sleep. And I can't tell anyone because their answers would lose me my independence that I cherish so much, take away what is me and leave a drugged mess staring into space.

I know how to deal with it, I have been doing so for 22 years. I am strong enough to keep refuting the thoughts and I use all of the techniques I know to deal with them. This doesn't mean that sometimes I don't wish the psychosis would stop, just for a while. Just to give me some time to just be without questioning every thought I have and having to fight many negative impulses. It is exhausting mentally and oddly physically, too. Most days I feel like I have run a marathon while studying astrophysics. So I sleep and then wake up the following day to begin again. Apparently when I am sleep my brain still doesn't rest. I sleep talk, I scream and cry in my sleep and often sleepwalk. There is no point where the psychosis switches off.

I am fine and I am not in any danger at all from my thoughts. Just sometimes, I get tired.

mellymoo74

WaS of course you get tired, your living in a war zone!

Remember because of the huge strides you have made there could be a backlash as the voices try to get you to revert.

X

Pyxis

Yes, WaSsie!

I can well understand how exhausting that must be. As you say, it's a shame it won't shut off for just a small amount each time, to give you a brief respite from the turmoil.

Does being really busy with something make it better or worse? I see it could go either way.

Don't forget the Golden Lights!