We all need to be heard for a little while.

tea_lover

Thanks for the hugs x.

Have calmed down from earlier's meltdown and can definitely see that continuing with the separation plan is the way to go. He's had years to behave properly and he hasn't been bothered. Being cynical (or realistic?), this is just about him not wanting the hassle of moving and fending for himself. It's not that he's realised how awesome I am lol.

I deserve better than a life where I get excited when my 'partner' does some housework.

Apart from anything else, he hasn't even made a decent job of it!

Pyxis

Attagirl! :rotfl:

tea_lover

As you can tell, my mood is somewhat changeable today :rotfl:

purpleshoes_2

tea_lover wrote: »

Thanks for the hugs x.

Have calmed down from earlier's meltdown and can definitely see that continuing with the separation plan is the way to go. He's had years to behave properly and he hasn't been bothered. Being cynical (or realistic?), this is just about him not wanting the hassle of moving and fending for himself. It's not that he's realised how awesome I am lol.

I deserve better than a life where I get excited when my 'partner' does some housework.

Apart from anything else, he hasn't even made a decent job of it!

Ive never been married. All I can say is when someone significant broke my heart and asked me to go back to him and like a daft cow I did. It went pete tong.

His first marriage lasted a year.

Ive been on my own pretty much for the last 10 years after another similar abusive relationship, you would think I had learned.

But, what I have learned is that I am better on my own than being with someone who thinks I am an idiot

I said to my mum last week, when I was 17, I was interested in fashion, I had some spark about me, I felt like I could take on the world and I am only just getting back there due to some rubbish relationships and Im 46!!!!

Dont settle, thats all I can say

Pauline x

Pyxis

purpleshoes_2

Ive also said this in other threads

Im a PT and a fitness instructor and if I had stayed with two ex partners I would not have done that. I would have been too old, too fat etc

Every time I knew my relationship was rubbish I hung on in there.

Token gestures are not enough. I have been single for 10 years, yes I get lonely

But I get up every day knowing no one is putting me down, you cannot put a price on that

Either someone has your back and supports you till the end of time

Or boot them into touch.

Waves_and_Smiles

Tea, you are very correct that it is too late. Remember he will be grieving too for what his vision of the relationship was (even though it doesn't sound like a healthy vision), so he will attempt to make it better. The thing to remember is that the only reason why he is now behaving this way is because he is aware of what he is about to lose. If things went back as they were there is no reason for him to continue to try and make it better, I am betting things would quickly return to the way they were. You are doing the right thing, very likely for both of you.

As for my day more after I have a coffee. All I have to say is 95 degree humidity. I will never complain that I am hot again.

(It was fantastic!)

Ps. Cinnamon the Sloth was down (but asleep)!

purpleshoes_2

This may sound very sad, but in my entire life I have never had a relationship where I felt valued. I am soft hearted. Much more so than my online persona and every time I was in a relationship that was rubbish I worried more about them than me. I am a nice person. I am soft and I worry about other peoples feelings.

Having said that, do I wish I had told my most recent long term ex to go away long before I did?

Yes. You know. you always know. But you make excuses for the behaviour. I probably spent years staying in my last relationship thinking if I left he would be really hurt and upset, was he?

No.

Honestly, when I think of all the things I can do now compared to what my life was like when I was with him. Brilliant. No nagging voice in my ear about my dress sense, about my job, about the football team I support

And if someone else turns up. Fab. But if they don't I have my freedom and you cant put a price on that.

purpleshoes_2

Its totally fine to still care about people who havent been the best for you, Ive been there and done that.

Its like ripping off a plaster, its going to be horrible but in a few months time or less, you'll feel fine

I dont fall in love easily but when I do, its big time so when it ends Im in tatters, but it still needs to be the right person, remember, dont settle for less than you deserve, thats really important

System

tea i echo what others have said, don't lose sight of WHY you're doing this, you weren't happy and you weren't happy with the way things were. How he's acting now is probably just a last ditch attempt at thinking if he acts like he should have acted to begin with you'll change your mind and come running back, and then he'll just go back to how he has been an you'll still feel unhappy.

Its like how i was with Beau, after i'd done it i was all over the place thinking i'd made a mistake and thinking of all the good things i missed (and remember, i was grieving for what i wanted the relationship to be, not what it actually was) and forgetting all the reasons for the split.

You're going to get through this, you just have to stick it out. You deserve better than what you have now, you deserve happiness.