sexless marriage :(

Crabapple

dontwannabecelibate wrote: »

when you put it like that it doesn't look good. i didn't think she was bothered with presents and as she's at home with our child and i work i thought all the housework should be done by her. my mum had 4 of us at home and did all the housework. my father never changed nappies or looked after us and i did change nappies and do things for our child.

She will be bothered with presents, especially for her birthday! Agree with the person above who said you need to do something for Valentines and start pulling your finger out for special occasions.

In the past, women did everything at home, doesn't mean that's how it has to be now, and it's clearly not what your wife wants. Think about this - you work maybe 37/40 hours a week. Your wife has 168 hours of childcare because that never stops (even if they are asleep you can't be sure they won't wake) and all the housework to do. When is her time off?

If you want a physical relationship then you need to be attentive, try and do some housework (not that hard to do a bit of washing up for example, it's pretty much a standard to need doing every day) and start complimenting her and recognising she is doing a hard job too. Some physical contact like hugs and kisses without expecting more might not go amiss either.

System

dontwannabecelibate wrote: »

i wouldn't know where to start buying her jewellery. she hasn't worn her wedding ring for years.

I don't blame her.


Mind you, neither have I.

leeroy2009

thank you for my mid morning laugh, this thread has tickled me.


I loved this though, really really enjoyed it "i have never bought her flowers because i have hay fever"


god bless.

tea_lover

dontwannabecelibate wrote: »

she's also upset that i forgot her birthday and didn't buy her anything for christmas. i am not very romantic. i suppose she thinks i'm only interested in sex. i feel like a terrible husband.

You sound like one.

[Deleted User]

You see all that red hearty stuff in the shops right now? Buy some of it, book a restaurant for Feb 14th, get a baby sitter, go out and spend some quality time together.

Don't expect anything afterwards either. Just try to be a better husband

Pro husband tip: NEVER FORGET HER BLOODY BIRTHDAY

southoftheriver

dontwannabecelibate wrote: »

we've never done anything for valentines day. do you really think she'll want something? i have never bought her flowers because i have hay fever. she always said she was okay with that. she's always been very independent and so she just gets on with things. she says she can't wait for me to notice that there's ironing needing doing or a dishwasher to load. i told her not to iron my clothes as that would be less work for her. i thought i was being helpful.

Seriously she's your wife, if you don't know how are we meant to? But yes, most women would like a gift regardless of the occasion because it shows thoughtfulness. Although you could probably show that by being more proactive in the relationship.

I'm very independent and have what people would consider a high powered job but I still love being treated well and equally.

I'm honestly not sure that I can take you seriously...

dontwannabecelibate

'She will be bothered with presents, especially for her birthday! Agree with the person above who said you need to do something for Valentines and start pulling your finger out for special occasions.

In the past, women did everything at home, doesn't mean that's how it has to be now, and it's clearly not what your wife wants. Think about this - you work maybe 37/40 hours a week. Your wife has 168 hours of childcare because that never stops (even if they are asleep you can't be sure they won't wake) and all the housework to do. When is her time off?

If you want a physical relationship then you need to be attentive, try and do some housework (not that hard to do a bit of washing up for example, it's pretty much a standard to need doing every day) and start complimenting her and recognising she is doing a hard job too. Some physical contact like hugs and kisses without expecting more might not go amiss either.'

i did try to cuddle up to her in bed but she said she can't sleep with someone up next to her. she's a brilliant mother but i don't understand why she can't do the housework during the day. i would like to spend an evening together once our child is in bed but she's always catching up with some sort of housework. it's not as if the house is particularly clean and tidy afterwards either. when i point out things that need doing she says i'm being very critical in the way i say it. i can feel her slipping away and i don't want her to.

dottymrsp

If you want to spend an evening together, and she needs to spend the evening doing the housework, spend the evening together... doing the housework. Seriously, there's nothing more loving than when I'm elbow deep in a bowl of washing up, and my husband appears by my side with a dishtowel in hand, and starts to dry up. Really

And yes. She wants something for valentines day. Trust me. Even if it's just a card.

Also, another husband pro-tip... tell her how beautiful she looks, even if it's not true, just walk in the door when you get home from work and say 'Wow, you look really beautiful today'

(all the other commenters... I feel we should write a book on how to be a good husband... that, or get my OH to do it... he's pretty pro, and makes me look like a shabby wife -.- )

dontwannabecelibate

'You see all that red hearty stuff in the shops right now? Buy some of it, book a restaurant for Feb 14th, get a baby sitter, go out and spend some quality time together.

Don't expect anything afterwards either. Just try to be a better husband

Pro husband tip: NEVER FORGET HER BLOODY BIRTHDAY'

i know the birthday thing is bad. i've always got her a card before. i was very busy with work and realised the day before but was too late to order from moon pig as her birthday was on a sunday.

as we never usually do anything for valentines day we've agreed to have our niece and nephew to stay so that their parents can go out. my nephew has complex needs so we can't get a babysitter for the children. i don't think my brother and sister in law would be happy if we dropped the plans now either. i suppose i could ask them to return the favour the following weekend and take my wife out then. should i buy her something to wear? she always says she has nothing nice to wear that fits her.

dottymrsp

Also, if she has had a problem with weight gain, that might explain why she hasn't worn her wedding ring, particularly when one is expecting, ones fingers swell, so she might not have been able to wear it then.

Seriously, just some costume jewellery shows you've thought about her. Send her a text right now telling her your thinking about her, and you miss her and you hope she's having a good day...