1 email a week?

Marisco

dandelionclock30 wrote: »

Different situation really, people tend to use childminders as a shared care arrangement. The child tends to still live at home, thus is sill being primarily looked after by the parents.

But what about my scenarios dand? How would you "get around" those?

j.e.j.

dandelionclock30 wrote: »

Different situation really, people tend to use childminders as a shared care arrangement. The child tends to still live at home, thus is sill being primarily looked after by the parents.

I don't think it IS that different. If you're accusing someone of selfishly farming their nearest and dearest out to be cared for by strangers because you don't want to do it yourself, the same applies whether it's your kids or your mum.

tyllwyd

You have to take into account the needs of the parent - if the parent is so frail that they need help with personal care, maybe significant adaptations to the house such as a downstairs bathroom, wheelchair access, someone on hand for emergencies 24 hours, somebody has to provide those services. They might need two carers at some times. Once you need to employ carers for a significant number of hours the costs can mount up and quickly eat up any savings, and it might not be practical to adapt the house to the parent's needs. You can't make a blanket judgment on every situation just on the idea that it would be better for the parent to be cared for at home.

Anatidaephobia

dandelionclock30 wrote: »

Really? I think its pretty off that elderly people are often shoved in care homes because their families don't prioritize them. Not many would choose to live in a care home and have you seen how many enquiries there's been into abuse and neglect in these places? It happens time and time again. I personally think morally people do have a responsibility to look after relatives but that's me. Not visit 4 times per year and be acting like OP,thinking that everyone should be doing absolutely everything whilst he does nothing.
No wonder some care home staff cannot bear the relatives of the residents.

There's usually a reason that people have to live in care homes though.

My family cared for my grandfather for over two years after my grandmother died but eventually he had to go into a care home because his health/illnesses became too much to deal with; we tried for a long time with help from professionals coming to the house to care for him, but there came a point where he needed to be in a place that could give him professional and medical round the clock care.

I also worked in a care home briefly and would say that almost all of the residents were there for good reason; they needed constant care. One person could not provide that at home. Aside from who would pay the bills for the roof over their heads, when would they even sleep?

The care homes that have reports of neglect and abuse are a different issue, and a serious issue that needs to be tackled, but the answer isn't to move all the residents into their son/daughter's home instead.

Mojisola

Anatidaephobia wrote: »

The care homes that have reports of neglect and abuse are a different issue, and a serious issue that needs to be tackled, but the answer isn't to move all the residents into their son/daughter's home instead.

I agree and there are a lot of elderly people being cared for by family at home who suffer neglect and abuse as well.

Jagraf

dandelionclock30 wrote: »

Really? I think its pretty off that elderly people are often shoved in care homes because their families don't prioritize them. Not many would choose to live in a care home and have you seen how many enquiries there's been into abuse and neglect in these places? It happens time and time again. I personally think morally people do have a responsibility to look after relatives but that's me. Not visit 4 times per year and be acting like OP,thinking that everyone should be doing absolutely everything whilst he does nothing.
No wonder some care home staff cannot bear the relatives of the residents.

Do your parents live with you?

Person_one

Mojisola wrote: »

I agree and there are a lot of elderly people being cared for by family at home who suffer neglect and abuse as well.

Even the most well intentioned families can end up neglecting their elderly relatives accidentally just because they can't cope with the level of care needed or don't have the right setup or knowledge but don't want to 'put them in a home'.

tyllwyd

Going back to the problem of letting your mum know you are coming (and trying to help her remember it) - how about sending a card a couple of weeks ahead. A card is less likely to be forgotten than a telephone message, and if she has it displayed in her room she is more likely to remember it, or ask for it to be read to her again.

j.e.j.

tyllwyd wrote: »

Going back to the problem of letting your mum know you are coming (and trying to help her remember it) - how about sending a card a couple of weeks ahead. A card is less likely to be forgotten than a telephone message, and if she has it displayed in her room she is more likely to remember it, or ask for it to be read to her again.

Yes the predicament does seem to be, how best to communicate with a person who is pretty much deaf-blind

Not easy.

ljonski

When i or my cousin phone, the evidence of the call and what it contained should be written down in the daily log and then passed on to a member of staff in contact with my mum. There is plenty of time during the day to pass any information to her during bath, dressing time or any other numerous interactions,
She used to enjoy sitting in the foyer and hearing the vibrations and seeing the shadows of people as they go to and fro.

I have now contacted the manager and given a few points in writing to her in a much milder form than i originally intended. A qualified social worker friend has promised to read my email and the reply and then we can discuss what if anything to do next.

i am thinking of getting mum is she so desires,in front of the church worker to make a formal request, that if she goes into hospital etc then the church visitor should be contacted. This would mean then that i would be contacted by her. The care home says they don't have the church worker's details although this is at odds with what she has told me.......