1 email a week?

Mojisola

ljonski wrote: »

It is also supposed to be one of the very best in the area and has a substantial waiting list)-and its very expensive apparently.

At my mums age it would be a terrible thing to uproot her and i would rather keep quiet than threaten my mum's well being. However i have been advised from a friend that the staff are only human and retaliation may come in different ways)

Judging by the homes I looked at in our area, 'expensive' in no way means the 'best'. Some of the more expensive homes seemed to know how to tick all the boxes so they looked good during inspections but the care on the ground wasn't acceptable to me.

When i visited there in March, very quickly i became aware of 2 absolutely crucial health and saftey issues. One was pointed out to me by the taxi driver.

It is incredulous to conceive that the staff could have been unaware of both over a period of time and did nothing about them. From their reactions i would have said that they did know about one and not the other(either though it was staring them in the face.)

i never made an official complaint but spoke to staff members quietly.One was fully resolved within days whilst the other i still monitor when i come.

What on earth was such a glaring issue that the taxi driver noticed it? Why hasn't the other issue been completely dealt with?

When i add up all these things i am not filled with confidence at all, but realise it is impossible for her to live on her own and now that she has found something that she likes, i am loathe to interfere.

It appears to me that if i don't say anything then i will be attacked,or if i do say something then i will likewise be attacked.(Seems like being back on the Pet forum!)

So i need to take the middle ground and get attacked from both sides!

Unless you can communicate with your siblings about your mother's care, it's hard to see what you can do. Are they happy with the standard of the home?

j.e.j.

ljonski wrote: »

Would it be reasonable to ask them to email me weekly as to her general condition as it is virtually impossible to get her to hear me when i phone up.

Probably not, given that they presumably have a lot of other elderly people to look after. It might also breach confidentiality? An email is not the most secure way to send a communication, unless it is encrypted or secure.

I'm guessing it's one of your siblings who gets informed when she goes into hospital? It puts the care home in a bit of an awkward situation when next-of-kin relatives aren't on speaking terms.

Rambosmum

ljonski wrote: »

see title of thread!- advice requested.


It is also supposed to be one of the very best in the area and has a substantial waiting list)-and its very expensive apparently. Price is irrelevant - look on the CQC website at their most recent report, that'll tell you more about the standard (it's like OFSTED for care homes).

At my mums age it would be a terrible thing to uproot her and i would rather keep quiet than threaten my mum's well being. However i have been advised from a friend that the staff are only human and retaliation may come in different ways. I wouldn't suggest you uproot her, but you do need to address the concerns. How about doing it anonymously, that way staff will not know it's your mums family who have done it?

When i visited there in March, very quickly i became aware of 2 absolutely crucial health and saftey issues. One was pointed out to me by the taxi driver.

It is incredulous to conceive that the staff could have been unaware of both over a period of time and did nothing about them. From their reactions i would have said that they did know about one and not the other(either though it was staring them in the face.)
i never made an official complaint but spoke to staff members quietly.One was fully resolved within days whilst the other i still monitor when i come. Report this- either to the home directly or to social services or the CQC, something should then get done. You can report it anonymously.

When i add up all these things i am not filled with confidence at all, but realise it is impossible for her to live on her own and now that she has found something that she likes, i am loathe to interfere. You can't be that concerned then.

It appears to me that if i don't say anything then i will be attacked,or if i do say something then i will likewise be attacked.(Seems like being back on the Pet forum!) I'm certainly not attacking you.

So i need to take the middle ground and get attacked from both sides!

If I were you I would call weekly and ask for an update, try to pick a time which isn't a meal time or in the morning when personal care and medication is being administered. Building a relationship up with staff will help them to recognise you as someone involved in your mum's care and make them more likely to contact you in emergencies. It is highly unlikely that they will ever call everyone on their list of contacts, they will call one and expect them to call the others, whether they do or not is a different issue.

I personally would not call and notify them of my visit- 'popping in' is likely to give you a better picture of what actually goes on in the care home on a 'normal' day and the care home should be happy for you to drop in unannounced.

If you have genuine concerns about the level of your mums care you need to address this, either anonymously through social services or the CQC or directly with the home.

HTH.

ljonski

When I managed a care home, I think I know what my response would have been to someone who wasn't involved in any meaningful way, didn't bother phoning on any sort of regular basis, then complained they weren't being kept informed.

iAre you referring to me ?
If so what evidence can you provide that i meet this criteria?

ljonski

Living so far away means that turning up unannounced is not really an option. When i do visit , i just want to spend quality with my mum rather than doing a covert inspection.

As regards the church visitor not being informed: Mum has been going to church all her life and the majority of it to that church that bothers to send a visitor to her.That church in particular is closer than family in many respects and don't use her to fund their lifestyles (something i could accuse family members of). Both mum and i would want them to be informed of anything exceptional happening in her life.

I am frustrated that even though i only come 4 times a year, everytime i come there is something amiss that really could be tackled and noticed by a close family member that lives 2 miles away.

I find it increasingly difficult not to judge in this respect and the only option that i have is a diplomatic silence that one day all the wrongs will really be righted.

barbarawright

It sounds like you need to sort out the issues with your family - the care home can't really be expected to contact everyone individually because you don't talk to each other.

ilikepinacolada

4 times a year, no wonders they dont take you seriously

jobbingmusician

Oi, you lot, I've known ljonski a long time on these boards, and he is absolutely lovely!


ljonski - a couple of things suggest themselves to me.


1. It sounds as if your underlying fear is that the home aren't communicating well with your mum, and bothering to tell her things clearly. The whiteboard thing does sound a good idea, and would remove the variable that she is lucid but forgetful (like I am!) - if things were written there large, could she see them?


2. I am a member of my local Healthwatch Enter and View team. We take recommendations from trusted local people about homes to go and visit - how about telling her local HW E & V about the issue the taxi driver raised, and suggesting that it might be worth a visit - because although you know the staff are good and determined to do a good job, they might need things pointing out..... You could also think about joining YOUR local team, as it would be an education in what to look out for!

Person_one

You're blaming the care home staff, but really the problem is that you aren't on speaking terms with your siblings who are much nearer and probably have a much better idea of what's going with your mum because of that.

The care home staff can't really be expected to negotiate your family dynamics, time spent repeating the same information to multiple family members or writing emails, is time that is taken away from caring for your mum and the other residents. Imagine if they had to do the same for everybody!

There are two solutions here, either you figure out a way to bury the hatchet with your siblings so that you can all communicate with each other and all know what's going with mum all the time. If that's not possible than you need to be more proactive and make the effort to call and visit more than you currently are doing.

If you have genuine concerns about the way the home is run, please tell the manager. It sounds like they were very good at sorting the problem when you did report one.

ljonski

1. It sounds as if your underlying fear is that the home aren't communicating well with your mum, and bothering to tell her things clearly.

Hi JM nice to speak to you here! Definitely !

Don't worry i can hold my own ground on here as well as the "other place"

Don't go there much now as you'd probably mark me out as a very naughtly boy

yeh i think the bottom line is that most of the residents there are in a world of their own and they are seen as objects to run round after.

Mum is definitely smarter than most cookies (runs in the family apparently!). Her handicaps now put a barrier up and im guessing that the staff just treat her as a regular zombie because of them.

She had no idea that she had a sodium deficiency and that she needed regular salt intake especiallly at meals.If she would have been informed , she would have made it clear to the staff herself of her requirement.

This again was compounded by the fact that there was no salt on her table and at least one member of staff at dinnertime hadnt any idea that salt was required.

She is very much partially sighted and a board would be of no use.

the family problems are a separate issue of which the home is aware of. I have made it plain that i wish to be contacted if anything untoward occurs. I suggested email and phone as i am nearly always at my desk (due to chronic health problems and because of the distance , i would only drop everything and come if and when the end is nigh.

Are you keeping Schiff under control?