1 email a week?

Ms_Chocaholic

But all visitors to my home don't ring beforehand to say they're coming. If she was at home would the neighbour ring before popping round? I'm confused.

Mojisola

ljonski wrote: »

As i have said she is lucid and understands everything that is said to her providing she can hear it. She would definitely want to know if she was due a visitor especially if that visit meant a short journey out. Im afraid your attitude is the attitude that i am trying to avoid happening in the staff. Mum is highly intelligent and has great insight into the character of people. She is fully human and deserves to be treated as such.

Perhaps I have a more realistic understanding of how busy the staff are?

I was in and out of the care home Dad was in very regularly. The home was very good but the staff were always busy with helping people. If there are several people needing help with their daily activities, finding the time to tell a resident that a visitor was on the way would be quite low in priority.

If the resident is due to go out - that's a different matter. When I was taking Dad out, the staff were told several days in advance, it went into the diary, the carers in his wing would be reminded that morning and they made sure he remembered and he was dressed appropriately.

ljonski

I genuinely don't understand the issue with visits

im squeezing in a 240 mile round trip in a day via public transport and i want to know that Mum knows im coming!

My cousin herself would take an hour to get there on public transport. She visits approx every 3 months as she has an aged parent to care for at home
How long would it take to tell someone that so and so is visiting and ask them to repeat it? - so that they understood it .Over one or two hours?

Mojisola

tea_lover wrote: »

I genuinely don't understand the issue with visits (nor the tone of your reply - getting @rsey with people on here isn't going to help).

I was going to say something similar and then held back but, ljonski, if you come over to the care home staff the way you have on here, that could account for them not being receptive to your wishes.

elsien

ljonski wrote: »

i am not thoroughly happy with the care that she receives there and this is another aspect that worries me. have you raised this with the home at the time of your visit? They can't put things right if they don't know there is a problem

i don't wish to rock the boat but i want to make sure mum is treated as a lucid human being there(which she is) although her deafness and blindness act as barriers to communication with her- even at face to face level. it's not about rocking the boat. If informal discussions don't work, that's why homes have complaints procedures. A good home will want to address your concerns properly. If you think they'll take it out on your mum in some way, then quite frankly you shouldn't be leaving her there anyway.

i am down as next of kin but not as the first port of call if anything should happen. I am trying to discuss with them the family problems that mean that i need them to contact me directly should anything dramatic happen. i don't understand the "trying to" comment. Either you have or you haven't. Put it in writing if you want a record of the conversation.

there is a church visitor that does go and tells me about her about every 2 months, but even she has complained to me that the home has not contacted her whenever something like this has happened.
why would they phone some random person who only visits every couple of months every time something happens? If she's not family and mum hasn't requested she be kept informed then there's actually no reason for her to know.

also my cousin told me that when she visits she rings ahead to tell them to tell my mum that she is coming. They didn't tell her and the same thing happened to me last year. maybe they did and she forgot. My grandmother had all her marbles, but a normal part of the aging process is loss of memory. She could hold a perfectly lucid conversation about the latest news on radio 4, but forget something she'd been told the day before.

it is simply not good enough for them to tell her (if they do) that she is having a visitor without ensuring that she repeats to them what has just been said to her. ditto as above

If you want to contact her directly, the home should have some sort of cordless phone. Ask the staff to take the phone to her room, and if her hearing is a problem, ask them to stay on the line and relay your bit of the conversation to her and vice versa. There's generally a way round these things, but complaining on here and not being pro-active in sorting things out isn't going to help. If you want weekly contact, then bestir yourself to make the effort.

When I managed a care home, I think I know what my response would have been to someone who wasn't involved in any meaningful way, didn't bother phoning on any sort of regular basis, then complained they weren't being kept informed. Emailing them would not have been top of my list of priorities, especially if there were other family members who were a bit more pro-active.
You need to make the effort to build up a relationship with the home even if it's only by phone, then when things do happen you're more likely to cross their radar as someone who needs to know.

Person_one

ljonski wrote: »

Mum is highly intelligent and has great insight into the character of people. She is fully human and deserves to be treated as such.

I wouldn't consider insisting that she repeats back what she is told to be an example of this though. If the staff (who work with her all day every day and will know how she communicates) are happy that she's heard, I think that's enough.

Mojisola

elsien wrote: »

There's generally a way round these things

I bought a small whiteboard for Dad's room and used to write on it something like - "Tuesday - going out for tea - see you at 2pm".

If something cropped up at short notice, I'd phone and the staff would write a message on it for me.

Buzzybee90

Ms_Chocaholic wrote: »

But all visitors to my home don't ring beforehand to say they're coming. If she was at home would the neighbour ring before popping round? I'm confused.

Mine do. I'd be pretty annoyed if someone turned up unannounced.

AnnieO1234

I'm not commenting on anything other than saying that calling a care home where you already recognise failings and letting them know you're due to arrive is giving them a chance to possibly hide yet more of those failings in respect of your mom's care.

Just my two penneth. Xxx

ljonski

but complaining on here and not being pro-active in sorting things out isn't going to help.

see title of thread!- advice requested.

If you think they'll take it out on your mum in some way, then quite frankly you shouldn't be leaving her there anyway.

My mum however is happy there and it is a nice place

It is also supposed to be one of the very best in the area and has a substantial waiting list)-and its very expensive apparently.

At my mums age it would be a terrible thing to uproot her and i would rather keep quiet than threaten my mum's well being. However i have been advised from a friend that the staff are only human and retaliation may come in different ways)

When i visited there in March, very quickly i became aware of 2 absolutely crucial health and saftey issues. One was pointed out to me by the taxi driver.

It is incredulous to conceive that the staff could have been unaware of both over a period of time and did nothing about them. From their reactions i would have said that they did know about one and not the other(either though it was staring them in the face.)
i never made an official complaint but spoke to staff members quietly.One was fully resolved within days whilst the other i still monitor when i come.

When i add up all these things i am not filled with confidence at all, but realise it is impossible for her to live on her own and now that she has found something that she likes, i am loathe to interfere.

It appears to me that if i don't say anything then i will be attacked,or if i do say something then i will likewise be attacked.(Seems like being back on the Pet forum!)

So i need to take the middle ground and get attacked from both sides!