Probable Breakup

VestanPance

brokenheartedman wrote: »

I trust her more than I trust anyone else in the world, I know that there is nobody else, she hasn't got it in her. I'll probably get labelled niave for that comment but I know her inside and out and I know she would/ could never do that, she's the nicest, most honest girl you could ever meet. Having said that, I did ask the question, and she said there is nobody else and I trust her 100%.

Foolish, very foolish.

Andy_89

I swear you are a carbon copy of me, when I was 18. I bet you are looking at your phone every two minutes just in case she has text. Writing messages to her, then deleting them.

When I first read the OP I though, she has someone else, its not you - its me spiel.

I will tell you what I would tell 18 year old me. Do not chase her the grass may not be greener for her, but it most likely will be for you.

Fresh start and all that.

rpc

brokenheartedman wrote: »

she can't see herself moving out of her parents

What do her parents think about this?

It sounds like you have grown up, she hasn't and so you have grown apart.

She wants you to dump her IMHO.

Pollycat

brokenheartedman wrote: »

This whole living at home thing won't last forever and I think she knows that. She's just got it into her head that I want marriage/ babies/ living together in the very near future (not true). I'm hoping the space will make her see that what we have is good and worth saving.

I find this very surprising if you've been together for 9 years - both the fact that she's got that into her head & that you don't appear in all your 9 years together to have discussed what either of you want out of your relationship.

Does she usually get things so wrong?
What has triggered this?
Have you made some comment or dome something that has made her think that this is what you want?
For example, have you cooed over a friend's baby?

brokenheartedman

Pollycat wrote: »

I find this very surprising if you've been together for 9 years - both the fact that she's got that into her head & that you don't appear in all your 9 years together to have discussed what either of you want out of your relationship.

Does she usually get things so wrong?
What has triggered this?
Have you made some comment or dome something that has made her think that this is what you want?
For example, have you cooed over a friend's baby?

Recently a few of our friends have either moved in or got engaged or got pregnant, I'm thinking this has triggered these thoughts/ worries

onomatopoeia99

brokenheartedman wrote: »

My girlfriend broke the news to me that she can't see herself moving out of her parents

Never mind the marriage and children stuff, we all feel differently about those things and those feeling can change with time, but not moving out ever is the bit I can't get my head around. It's natural to seek a degree of independence from one's family and strike out on your own, and by the age she must be by now to have been in a relationship for nine years it's something that I would expect anyone to have seriously considered by now (based on every person I have ever known that grew up after the 1960s), even if financial circumstances make it impossible at present.

We can only hypothesize since she's a third party and can't respond for herself, but if your idea of backing away and giving her space includes still sending her texts and a letter within a day, perhaps she worries that you will emotionally suffocate her if she moves in.

emmaj30

Hi
Im sorry to hear that you are going through this.. Its not a nice feeling and hope you will get it sorted out soon.
My advice is get out of this relationship. Its a very hard thing to do but you have to think of whats best for you because she is at the moment.. She sounds very confused and you have to think that if this relationship does turn more serious she may back away again..
Im sure shes lovely and you don't want to lose her but if you want those things ie babies marriage you might have to do the hardest thing and let her go.. Take yourself away for a few days and think about what you want.. You never know that sometimes these things happen for a reason.. It could either be the best thing for your relationship or in a couple of years you might have met someone else and leading a completely different life.. the choice is yours!!
good luck and it will work itself out in the end x

Pollycat

brokenheartedman wrote: »

Recently a few of our friends have either moved in or got engaged or got pregnant, I'm thinking this has triggered these thoughts/ worries

But why didn't she talk to you about it instead of sitting building scenarios in her head and then deciding that even though she doesn't want to split up, she thinks you will split up in the future so you might as well split up now?

I think it's one of 2 things:

1. she's decided that she no longer wants to be with you and is trying to let you down as gently as possible (personally I think this is much worse than just saying it right out)
2. she is going through some sort of breakdown or traumatic experience

Is everything all right for her at work?

Could she be worried about her health? Or her parents' health?

Mojisola

brokenheartedman wrote: »

I'm in my mid 20s and my partner is in her early 20s, we've been together for 9 years.

We are all each other has ever known.

You've been together since you were young teenagers.

Neither of you have any experience of relationships with other people.

Most people change quite a lot between the time they become teenagers and adults.

There are some couples who get together very young and stay together for their lifetimes but most don't.

paddy's_mum

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

but if your idea of backing away and giving her space includes still sending her texts and a letter within a day, perhaps she worries that you will emotionally suffocate her if she moves in.

I agree with this but I also suspect that if we could only know her parents' view and advice, it might run along the 'plenty more fish in the sea, don't tie yourself down forever' lines.

Painful though this period is for you, most people's experience in life is that the more you try to hang on to someone, the harder they fight to get away.

I hope for happier times for you.