Probable Breakup

swingaloo

brokenheartedman wrote: »

Update, the letter arrived yesterday, she text me thanking me for my kind words, we had a chat and about us and we've decided to end our relationship. It's not what I want and it's not what she wants, she just feels it needs to happen.


Of course its what she wants otherwise this situation would not be happening. Don't be played, if this was the other way round and the guy was breaking up with the girl but wanted one more night in bed first he would be called the scum of the earth!








I'm heartbroken, she's heartbroken and the worst thing I can do now is keep pushing her. She's coming for tea and staying over tonight, one last night togehter will be closure for us both.


No it wont, it will just set you back even further. What's to be gained by spending the night together knowing tomorrow she is walking away?




We've agreed that ther'll be no pleading to give things another go or anything like


You mean 'you' have agreed, she wasn't pleading to give things another go in the first place.


, just celebrating what we've had for so long before going our separate ways, we stillove each other and we plan to remain friends, although in the immediate future we will have to give each other space.


If she had any respect for your feelings she would not even contemplate hurting you further. This is not 'celebrating what you had' its rubbing salt in the wound.


Her parents are away so won't know of the breakup until next week, she doesn't want them to be worried about her. I've wrote them a letter for her to give to them when she tells them, basically explaining that I didn't want to walk away without saying bye and thanking them for everything they've done for us both. I've also offered to be there when she tells them if she can't do it alone, at the moment tho she plans on doing it herself.

Totally over the top- if she wants to call it a day let her deal with any fallout with her parents.


Its all very Mills and Boon- just tell her you don't think there is any more to be said and get yourself out there. Having 'one last night' is of no benefit to you at all.

brokenheartedman

Well it's the morning after the night before...

I can honestly say, hand on heart that last night was a good idea, here's how it panned it out.

She walked through the door, we hugged and I reassured her that no matter what happend tonight, I know it wouldn't make everything ok. We had a tea, we talked, we laughed, we cried, we where enjoying being in each others company. Nothing was left unspoken, without pleading with her not go I said everything that i needed to say and she did too. We had a beautiful evening. We went to bed and I spent half the night awake thinking of what I was going to say in morning!

So the morning comes and I'm due to leave first, I got ready and when she woke up and got dressed, we hugged and basically said don't say anyhting, just listen, I don't want you to go, you don't have to go, and if you've got 1 shred of doubt in your mind then to stay (all of this whilst crying my eyes out, she started filling up too), then i told her i loved her, we hugged some more, then we kissed goodbye and i left for work.

I arrived at work and couldn't help myself from texting her, just said thanks for an amazing night last night and asked if she'd took her stuff. She replied saying she had an amazing time and was glad it happend but she has taken her stuff. So we've promised to try and distance ourselves for the forseeable, although we are hopefful we'll be friends in the future.

Last night told me everything I that I already knew about her and that her feelings and love for me where, and still are genuine, but she thinks that we need to break up. I don't like her decision, but I have to respect it.

So today is the first day of the rest of my life.

Pollycat

I can't help being a little cynical about this:

brokenheartedman wrote: »

Last night told me everything I that I already knew about her and that her feelings and love for me where, and still are genuine, but she thinks that we need to break up.

Imho, she's either very confused or she wants to date other guys or has a guy already lined up.
I hope it's not the last one.

brokenheartedman wrote: »

I don't like her decision, but I have to respect it.

This is the best possible way for you to be able to stay friends with her - don't make the mistake of hassling her.

brokenheartedman wrote: »

So today is the first day of the rest of my life.

I wish you all the best for your future. You sound a decent guy & I hope you find someone to share your future with.

brokenheartedman

That's the hardest part, the fact that shes very confused. She isn't sure what she wants and she feels we need to break up in case what she wants isn't me. It would be so much easier if she just came to me one day and said listen, I don't love you anymore and think we should split up. Yes it would hurt like hell but there would be none of this doubt

Lunar_Eclipse

Sad thread, but very pleased your 'last' evening went well.

I'm another who thinks all her behaviour points to another man, hopefully having been caught off guard having feelings for someone else and trying to do the right thing by you before anything happens. Because as a woman who also met her OH as a teenager now 25 years later, it's the most common "we need to break up" scenario. The others would be moving away (emigrating or university), or illness. But essentially most commonly it's about wanting a life change.

Sorry this sounds so horrible, you come across as kind, loyal and loving guy so I wish you every happiness in the future.

lynsayjane

I read portions of this thread yeasterday and saw the 'results' this morning.
Like others I want to point out how wrong this 'last night' was and the begging to give it another go but you are so like I have been that I know you won't listen or take it on board.

I'm almost embarrassed to admit I've been that girl who sees the best in guys inspite of how terribly they've treated me. I've taken back cheaters more than once and tried to cling onto relationships where there was only one of us actually involved. This just led to me being used, ill treated and hurt so much worse than I was initially.
I'm now 33 and still on my own, I'm also in a place where I find it hard to trust someone but desperatly want to be able to find someone.

Please, please, please give her up. I know it's terribly hard but you are the only one fighting for this relationship. Regardless of what she may be saying she no longer wants it, she thinks she's trying to make this easier on you but in fact it's playing with your feelings and giving you false hope. Relationships are a bit like a band aid and need removed quickly. It hurts to start but lasts a lesser time.

As you said this is the first day of the rest of your life, I know it's not going down the path you expected (neither did mine) but there are so many amazing opportunities out there, go grab them with both hands.

LJ
x

Alikay

Is she really confused, or just scared about whether she'll like being on her own, or upset because she feels guilty about hurting you?

It is likely that she still loves you but I doubt it's the sort of love which means she wants to share her lifetime with you, or she wouldn't walk away and risk jeopardising that. I have been in her position (many decades ago!) and felt the same, and watched my DD go through it with her first boyfriend too, and would definitely say the tears are less about your ex feeling heartbroken about not being with you any more, and more about the guilt and trauma associated with instigating and implementing the break-up.

I have also been in the position of your ex's parents - trying to console the dumped boyfriend who hoped I'd make my DD "see sense" and stay with him. Very uncomfortable. Obviously the whole family had become fond of him over the years and hated seeing him so distraught, but equally we could see how stifling the relationship had become and that it'd run its' course. Seriously, writing/phoning them won't do any good - it'll only make things awkward.

brokenheartedman

lynsayjane wrote: »

I read portions of this thread yeasterday and saw the 'results' this morning.
Like others I want to point out how wrong this 'last night' was and the begging to give it another go but you are so like I have been that I know you won't listen or take it on board.

I'm almost embarrassed to admit I've been that girl who sees the best in guys inspite of how terribly they've treated me.

Last night wasn't about me begging her to take her back, it was about enjoying each others company and ensuring our relationship ended on a high. She hasn't treated me badly either - she is genuinly confused, she hasn't got a bad bone in her body and her heart as been breaking too. I'm happy it has ended like it has (last night) rather than the past week of uncertaintity and petty arguments and tiptoeing around each other, it feels like a weight has been lifted from both our shoulders.

Would I liked to have continued the relationship - absolutely, do I love her - more than I ever thought I could love anyone, Am I happy with her decision - No. But it couldn't have ended in a better way, I'd have been even more heartbroken if we'd fell out as we've been best friends for 10 years nearly, atleast now, maybe somewhere down the line we can become friends.

In the meantime, time for us to both move on, no matter how difficult it may seem at the moment.

As for the parents, they're away so they don't know, I've given her the letter to pass to them once she tells them, whether she does or not is her call - I think she will. Atleast I know that I haven't just walked off into the sunset without saying thank-you and bye to them.

It's time to move on

Pollycat

brokenheartedman wrote: »

Would I liked to have continued the relationship - absolutely, do I love her - more than I ever thought I could love anyone, Am I happy with her decision - No. But it couldn't have ended in a better way, I'd have been even more heartbroken if we'd fell out as we've been best friends for 10 years nearly, atleast now, maybe somewhere down the line we can become friends.

In the meantime, time for us to both move on, no matter how difficult it may seem at the moment.

Aw Bless! (in a nice way, not a sarcastic way).

If I'd got a daughter (or grand-daughter) I'd like her to meet somebody like you.

Stick around and let us know how you get on.

27yearoldmale

You are a great guy!

BUT when she clicks her fingers you will jump as high as she wants! She knows this - but you can change it.

You need to distance yourself and go out with the boys.

Stop texting and all comms.

When she comes running back - maybe it will be too late.

Everyone here is giving you great advice, listen.