Probable Breakup

brokenheartedman

27yearoldmale wrote: »

You need to distance yourself and go out with the boys.

Stop texting and all comms.

When she comes running back - maybe it will be too late.

As of this morning, this is very much the plan.

Orlando_Virgin

brokenheartedman wrote: »

So today is the first day of the rest of my life.

You have to honestly believe that statement before it's true. And for me, right now, whilst it's so fresh, you have a long way to go. For example, texting her "because you couldn't help it" is something that has to go if you really want to move on with your life.

For the first few weeks it takes a real effort to fight those "urges", and they only fade VERY slowly. My biggest worry with you, is that she will come along and say "oh I've had a re-think, I do want to be with you" when she is going through a tough spot, and you will run back every time. And then this will happen multiple times until you have your heartbroken.

I know you won't, but you NEED to break all contact ASAP.

Lunar_Eclipse

Orlando_Virgin wrote: »

You have to honestly believe that statement before it's true. And for me, right now, whilst it's so fresh, you have a long way to go. For example, texting her "because you couldn't help it" is something that has to go if you really want to move on with your life.

For the first few weeks it takes a real effort to fight those "urges", and they only fade VERY slowly. My biggest worry with you, is that she will come along and say "oh I've had a re-think, I do want to be with you" when she is going through a tough spot, and you will run back every time. And then this will happen multiple times until you have your heartbroken.

I know you won't, but you NEED to break all contact ASAP.

I'm not so sure.

He sounds incredibly strong to me and if she does come running back at some point in the future (not immediately), I wouldn't bet on your prediction.

Having said that, we all make mistakes and the ex girlfriend could genuinely be having a short term wobble for reasons we don't know, and come to realise the split was the biggest mistake of her life and things might be reconciled. Not likely, but does happen and since we don't know these people in real life, it's all speculation.

All the best broken hearted.

McCloud1

The above posters are probably correct, in that if she clicked her fingers you would come a running. The truth is there is very little anybody here can say to you that will change what you do.

This is a learning experience that the majority of people have to go through. It's uncomfortable as hell and feels like you're the only person in the world going through it. The truth of the matter is that this experience will be massively helpful in your future relationships. Next time (and I hate to say it, the odds are there will be a next time) the pain and loss will be easier to deal with.

It's just unfortunate that you are experiencing this in your early-mid 20's rather than your late teens. I promise you will look back on this knowing it was the right thing to happen, and you will be able to smile.

brokenheartedman

Orlando_Virgin wrote: »

You have to honestly believe that statement before it's true. And for me, right now, whilst it's so fresh, you have a long way to go. For example, texting her "because you couldn't help it" is something that has to go if you really want to move on with your life.

For the first few weeks it takes a real effort to fight those "urges", and they only fade VERY slowly. My biggest worry with you, is that she will come along and say "oh I've had a re-think, I do want to be with you" when she is going through a tough spot, and you will run back every time. And then this will happen multiple times until you have your heartbroken.

I know you won't, but you NEED to break all contact ASAP.

The only reason I text her is I couldn't wait to get home (about 7pm) to find out if she'd left her stuff or not. Saying goodbye this morning is the hardest thing I've ever done, I think she felt the same way so theres no going back, atleast not in the immediate future.

Again I'm going to sound naive, but I know this girl inside out and I know she won't come running back unless she truly believes it'll be the right decision for us both, if she does come back -it's a decison I'll have to think long and hard about, but I'm not getting my hopes up. At this stage, the best I am hoping for is a friendship somewhere down the line.

As hard as last night and this morning has been, it was a perfect end to our relationship. No bitterness, no regret, no arguments, no resentment. Just two people who have loved each other for nearly 10 years enjoying each others company before an emotional goodbye.

Time to dry my eyes and move on.

fivesquare

brokenheartedman wrote: »

it was a perfect end to our relationship. No bitterness, no regret, no arguments, no resentment. Just two people who have loved each other for nearly 10 years enjoying each others company before an emotional goodbye.

The part in bold. Perhaps I'm extremely narrow minded but I don't get this. And I don't believe you. Either you or her or both are in denial and/or immature... or this is an invented story altogether.

No regrets? No resentment? Really? Is that how you end a 10-year love relationship? In a very altruistic way, one perfect evening, holding hands, with no regrets and no pain - just because she thinks, she's not sure but that's what she thinks - that it won't work in the future (although you love and respect each other) - and because she thinks that, she selfishly walks away and you serenely give up. "Time to dry my eyes and move on"?

Again, perhaps it's just me, but your story doesn't hold water.

Good luck anyway.

brokenheartedman

fivesquare wrote: »

The part in bold. Perhaps I'm extremely narrow minded but I don't get this. And I don't believe you. Either you or her or both are in denial and/or immature... or this is an invented story altogether.

No regrets? No resentment? Really? Is that how you end a 10-year love relationship? In a very altruistic way, one perfect evening, holding hands, with no regrets and no pain - just because she thinks, she's not sure but that's what she thinks - that it won't work in the future (although you love and respect each other) - and because she thinks that, she selfishly walks away and you serenely give up. "Time to dry my eyes and move on"?

Really. Neither of us has done anything wrong, and it was nice to spend the last night enjoying each others company without the back-and-forth do we, don't we arguement/ converstation of recent days. Both of us knew going into it that it was more than likely going to be our last night together, in my eyes it was the perfect way to end our relationship. As I've mentioned earlier I would have been even more heartbroken if we'd fell out. On the whole we've had a thoroughly enjoyable 9 years together, I'm not saying we've had the perfect relationship, yes we've had our differences over the years as I'm sure every couple do. Neither of us wanted to walk away how it was left before last night after all we have been through, we've celebrated together, we've laughed together, we've cried together, we've grieved together and been best friends for the whole time. I know it's a decision that has broke her heart as much as mine and one that she hasn't just decided over night, that is why I have to respect it.

shiny76

This all sounds like me 9 years ago.

The best thing I ever did was cut contact completely. It was only after that and enjoying life again that I realised what a mug I'd been.

Best of luck!

barbiedoll

We keep hearing about how "confused" she is. Maybe she's confused about her sexuality?

Whatever the reason, it sounds as though she has feelings for someone else, I wouldn't bank on her running back for a while yet.

Go out, drown your sorrows and move on. I know it's hard (we've all been there!) but your feelings will fade in time. You're still very young, you have your whole life ahead of you to get over this.

Good luck!

Ma77hew

First of all, good luck, I hope things pan out for you.

I was in a similar situation, been with the same girl for 10 years, living together for 9 years, thought i could trust her with my life.

One day I came home from work, and she'd moved out, no warnings that I'd seen, she said she loved me but needed space, work was stressful, she was worried about our future. I believed every word of it.

She came home regularly couple of times a week and stay over, for about a month this went on. Then one day I went to her rented place unannounced, and found another guy there. I found out later for 8-9 months she had been working on a relationship with someone else, having an affair not sexual, she moved out to concentrate on that and make it sexual.

I was in total shock, don't get me wrong, she never meant to hurt me, but she just wasnt able to end our relationship, probably scared of hurting me, scared things wouldnt work out. She almost had a split personality.

Like someone else said earlier, eventually she realised she'd made a mistake and wanted to reconcile, by then it was too late.

People get comfortable in relationships, especially i think when there are no kids. When there comfortable, things get forgotten, like date night. Other people seem more exciting, and then you start to think your missing out.

The worst thing you can do is drop things for her, or let her think you are waiting for her, it will go on for months in limbo. I remember the first time I went to social event without her, she called me constantly trying to control me, telling me she wanted to get back together, it was madness.

Move on without her, hang out with friends, meet other girls, have fun, but don't let yourself get played like I did. Your either in a committed relationship or your not, there is no middle ground, and sadly the people you trust the most, are the ones who can hurt you the most.