Probable Breakup

brokenheartedman

Thought I'd post a quick update on this.

Since my last post (17th Jan), the situation hasn't really changed. We've had sporadic contact, as in texting every other day or so, although we currently haven't texted since Friday. Last week I arranged to see her sister, that went well. She confirmed everything what I already knew about the reasons for the breakup, we haven't always seen eye to eye so if the was no hope for us she wouldn't have bothered seeing me and she wouldn't of held back in telling me a few home truths - but there was none of that. It was good to speak to someone who knows her as well as I do.

The whole situation is still getting me down. During our last text conversation last week I basically said that I love you, you love me, I'm sad, you're sad, i'm missing you, you're missing me and that she even said her herself that she was happy with our relationship before the breakup, we've gone from being best friends speaking every day to no contact for no reason, no fallout nothing.

I'm probably setting myself up for a massive fall down the line but all the signs I'm getting are just to give things a bit of time. As much as it's hurting I need to keep up the no contact and give her space.

In the meantime I'm trying to keep myself busy, seeing friends more often etc. I'm not going to go out and actively look for someone else, but if it happens I won't be stopping myself.

rpc

If you want to move on, you need to sever contact. You are dragging this baggage along with you and that stops you moving on.

You might be able to have a friendship in future, but you need space. Being in touch every other day is not having space.

Stop talking to her, stop thinking about her. Once you are comfortable with your single self and not pining for the past, then you can look at re-establishing contact.

brokenheartedman

That's the thing, I'm not ready to move on, that's why I'm not actively seeking somebody else.

I am trying to not think about her, we aren't currently communicating and i am giving her space, it's just so hard! I know it needs to be done tho.

VestanPance

I agree that you need to cut all contact. The only reason you haven't is partly it's comforting familiarisation and partly as you still hold out hope for a reunion. Both those things are holding you back.

Cut her out your life and move on. Spend time with your friends.

brokenheartedman

We have cut all contact, as of 5 days ago. It's driving me mad, alls I want to do is see her and speak to her but I'm determined not to crack.

shiny76

brokenheartedman wrote: »

That's the thing, I'm not ready to move on, that's why I'm not actively seeking somebody else.

I am trying to not think about her, we aren't currently communicating and i am giving her space, it's just so hard! I know it needs to be done tho.

And you won't be ready to move on when you are still maintaining contact and hoping that she will change her mind (I've been there!).

As the previous posters have said, the kindest thing you can do for yourself (and perhaps her) is to cut all contact. Occupy your time/mind with whatever you can - in my case this was boxsets of 24 but each to their own

shiny76

brokenheartedman wrote: »

We have cut all contact, as of 5 days ago. It's driving me mad, alls I want to do is see her and speak to her but I'm determined not to crack.

5 days is a good start but it may take months before you truly see the benefit in cutting contact (that includes not contacting her family/friends). Stay strong and keep yourself occupied!

MissHope

OP, although our situations are very different I just wanted to know that I can completely empathise with how difficult it is to suddenly not have that contact and companionship, as I am in the very early days of this myself.

I really hope that you find happiness, in whatever form, soon. Best withes to you.

rpc

brokenheartedman wrote: »

That's the thing, I'm not ready to move on, that's why I'm not actively seeking somebody else.

It isn't about moving on to someone else, it's about moving past the defunct relationship. You need to move on to being a single person, not someone who is tied to the old romance.

Once you have got rid of the baggage, then you can keep being single, find a new relationship, whatever. But you have to ditch the baggage first and that means no contact.

sphinxkat

Hi brokenheartedman,

i hardly ever post on here but i really understand how you feel, really i do so felt i should say something...

so i am going through/ been through a very similar situation i had been with my partner 9.5yrs i am now 25yrs old and in August he just turned around after a few weeks of being withdrawn and left... couldn't really explain to me why he felt like he did but he still cared about me but needed a break.... Now i was obviously devastated and i considered someone else but i know him and i trust him to have been honest with me like you say you have known them for a long time.

Flash forward i have been through all the emotions and my biggest issue was the lack of understanding and questions i wanted answered... cutting contact was horrendous but it really is the only way to get your head straight visit friends, family take up a new or old hobby... I still don't get his choice and maybe i never will but somehow it doesn't matter anymore, i can see now how hard it was for him to do and yes i miss the friendship we had but i have grown alot as a person i think you can change too much of yourself sometimes in a relationship without realising, especially in a childhood sweetheart scenario you never really knew who you were apart. We talk a little more now as we hope to remain friends but even after 5months its tough so give it time.

Hope my ramblings give you hope and the other posters have some great advice, just give it time make some new friends you will find it easier.

Kat