suspicions confirmed

candygirl

One of my friends found some photos on her bf's phone, of his bits,that he had been sending to other women!She kicked him out, and when he didn't leave her alone, n his family started threatening her, she forwarded the pics to his Mum:rotfl:

marisco_2

SnooksNJ wrote: »

That's true, video's are hard to watch on phones. But with a few steps you can make it a lot easier for him and his ex to watch it by putting it on his facebook page.

Remain the bigger person and don't turn this awful time in your life, into a free for all mud slinging session on fbook, twitter or the like. Such action only ever leads to undermine your position and brings about masses of resentment and regret.

happytravells

Yes I'll delete the videos at some point there where two! There only short videos!!! What makes me see some humour in them as he is a little hard of hearing in one ear and he keeps saying "ay love" as he can't hear her when in the throes of passion! If it wasn't so tragic it would be funny!!!
Pollycat yes the girls are fond of him, he treats them well and is very generous. The only thing they aren't keen on is his temper, he is very very vocal swearing sacking people on a whim if things don't go his way, he then gets very quite and there's an atmosphere for 3-4 days, I gather his temper is why mother of his child left many years ago. I'm going to sound like a right wimp here but on many occasions if I've said something he doesn't agree with he will tell me to f&&& off out of his house and not come back but by renting mine out he had me by the short and curlies another reason I won't be telling him about the videos just yet. I really don't want to be homeless.

duchy

happytravells wrote: »

on many occasions if I've said something he doesn't agree with he will tell me to f&&& off out of his house and not come back but by renting mine out he had me by the short and curlies another reason I won't be telling him about the videos just yet. I really don't want to be homeless.

Remember to cancel all your direct debits before you move ......and if you can guide him to saying to you on the phone "If you don't like it you can ...... " and he gets home a couple of hours later to find you have ......It wouldn't be a bad thing !!

Personally I'd say nothing to him - move out when he's at work and as I'm leaving send the video back to him without comment.

[Deleted User]

Well done, you are being very very wise. Sorry for some of the posts on here.

Agree that you are probably wise also to give your tenant a S21 notice as new build finish dates can go on and on. Or in case anything else happens.

Wishing you all the best x x

PS I'd also start moving out stuff that's yours (put it in storage) and essential in the guise of having a tidy up just in case things do explode in the meanwhile. Sometimes these men have a sixth sense when disengagement is happening.

Seanymph

I daresay whilst he's at home and being grumpy with you he's managing not tell his ex to f off!

Perhaps you should start another thread on steps you need to remember - someone just put about changing any direct debits - I'd add check nothing you need (car insurance) is in his name.

We had two cars when I split with an ex - both mine (of course!) - but one in each name for insurance with the other as a named driver. He called me at work about two weeks after we split and asked me which car I had driven in with - I said the green one and he told me I wasn't insured.

He'd cancelled my insurance because it was in his name, pocketed the refund (I'd paid for it!) - although I give thanks that he'd called me, because it hadn't occurred to me he'd do such a thing, and I would have driven without insurance for the rest of the year.

So, check nothing you need is in his name. That's what I'd add.

kazwookie

Hi

Make sure you change any passwords he knows
Sort out any money he owes you
Sort out any joint bank accounts etc
Sort out any HP / rent / loan type agreements you have.

Start to remove if you can, odd stuff for the kids etc to your family / friends house, because when you tell him you are going, he will have you out of there fast, so clothes / kitchen stuff / furniture will need to be moved in a hurry. Sort out now phone number of 'man & mate and van' to move you if needed.


And most of all as another poster said, keep your legs closed, maybe be also getting yourself checked out for any nasties at a local clinic, just in case

Good luck with your new life

Pollycat

happytravells wrote: »

Pollycat yes the girls are fond of him, he treats them well and is very generous. The only thing they aren't keen on is his temper, he is very very vocal swearing sacking people on a whim if things don't go his way, he then gets very quite and there's an atmosphere for 3-4 days, I gather his temper is why mother of his child left many years ago. I'm going to sound like a right wimp here but on many occasions if I've said something he doesn't agree with he will tell me to f&&& off out of his house and not come back but by renting mine out he had me by the short and curlies another reason I won't be telling him about the videos just yet. I really don't want to be homeless.

He doesn't really sound like a nice man.

I'm sure your girls will be very supportive of you when you leave.

Some good advice above about practical things to consider when you leave.

Just a thought - will you need to make any arrangements re school for your girls or are your 2 house close to each other?

Seanymph

ah - and take all birth certificates, passports, driving licences, marriage certificates etc.

Pop them all together so you can grab them.

The risk is he will work out you are going - and pre-empt it, so you need to be in a position to walk out with your head held high and two fingers at him without having to phone and beg for your child's passport or whatever.

Guest101

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

Ditto. I'd be making my plans quietly (ie giving the tenants notice, so that I could move back into my own home).

You don't know whether your tenants are the type who would be reasonable/fair-minded/stick to the agreement on the one hand OR "tenants from hell" that would try every legal avenue to prolong the process as long as they could manage to (even though, presumably, they knew it was your home when they rented it - rather than a buy-to-let house). That being the case, try and keep schtum about your plans to your boyfriend until they have actually moved out, just in case it takes months longer than it should to have your home free to move back into.

...and I do know very well I'm advocating something I would find extremely hard to do myself, as I would be gasping to "go for his throat" and tell him whatfor. You might be in for lots of long solitary walks and writing him whatfor-type letters (that you instantly destroy completely, rather than giving them to him) in order to keep your cool whilst you wait for your home to be free to move back into. Do try and keep your cool though and I think it would be a maximum of 6 months before even the nastiest tenants in the world would be gone from your home and you can move back in again.

Have you got a VERY trustworthy friend you can confide in meanwhile...whilst you wait it out? Then, any time you feel tempted to have a go at boyfriend for this you can ring them instead and they will persuade you out of it.

EDIT:Whatever prompted him to keep a video like that on his phone? How tacky and it does rather make me wonder whether (at a subconscious level) he set himself up deliberately hoping you would see it at some point. Maybe he's trying to chuck you indirectly (ie by setting you up to do it for him)? Maybe he's trying to keep you, but have his cake and eat it and that's his way of trying to impose a "cake and eat it" way of living on you against your will? Either way...I wouldn't dream of keeping him in my life for one minute (except the few "plan to move out" months you need).

Just to clarify- THE ONLY WAY a landlord can end a tenancy is by going to court, so the tenants are not tenants from hell in exercising their legal right to live at the property that is their home.

OP if you want help with getting the house back, post on the buying selling and renting forum.