Brother in Law is Upset with Us

lostinrates

Lily-Rose wrote: »

Steady on guys. No need to be so harsh is there? The OP hasn't been mean to anyone on here.

There's opinions, and then there's just being harsh.

I am in agreement.

I just read this thread and was shocked.


I'm not sure buying nice gifts makes one a nicer person that being civil in getting points across.


Fwiw, I'm a no gift please person. I getting nothing for birthdays and Christmas generally ( DH and I give gifts and I do receive and give some) and I have to admit I am an unreliable gift giver.

Personally I would not have given the chocolate orange as a gift at all, because I think it looks without thought ( unless he is a known lover of them in which case I would have given a basket of them or something). Its the kind of gift that makes me not enjoy receiving gifts. A gift of time, an evening out with his brother, or a picnic candle lit supper for your generations of family at your new home with a birthday cake for him and a little toast remarking what was valued about him would not have cost much at all, would have been great fun and would have been a fun memory.

Fredula

Spendless wrote: »

Is it possible that BIL didn't go whinging to his Mum about the chocolate orange as such, but told her his feelings on the subject of his gift and MIL is trying to nicely tell you it was an ill-thought out gift whilst acknowledging that you haven't got a great deal of spare cash due to buying your house.

What has been said to your OH about it, either by yourself or by his Mum?

Yeah, it could possibly be her way of saying that. Maybe it's something I've got to learn from. Hubby says he thinks BIL is overreacting, so he's not fussed about it. I worry about what I buy them though - not this Christmas just gone, but the Christmas before we'd spent about £20 on FIL and MIL and it didn't 'feel' like a lot, so I went out and spent over budget £30 extra to buy MIL a bird table (which was actually so much fun to wrap up!). Just sometimes, you can try, and it still not be good enough, so sometimes it does feel a bit like 'why bother'.

gettingtheresometime

OP I'm on a really tight budget as I'm trying to clear a shed load of debt so I can see slightly why you wouldn't want to spend a fortune.

However its my friend's significant birthday in a few months time and if I couldn't stretch my budget to get her a really nice present (note I didnt use the word expensive) then I wouldn't bother as to give her what is a recycled £1 present is insulting

Lily-Rose_3

*max* wrote: »

How do you even go about presenting a chocolate orange as a birthday present in all seriousness? Did you wrap it up? Did you both hand it to him with a flourish and said "happy birthday" with a big smile? It's honestly the kind of token thing a toddler might give his teacher for xmas...not a married couple with a mortgage to their 30 year old brother!

That's not even a bit tight, that's absurdly mean and quite a bit insulting tbh.

I think the OP has got the idea now to be honest!

I think people are entitled to say they think she and her hubby are tight fisted.

However, the personal comments about her personal life, her finances, her having a baby, and her financial situation are uncalled for and rude IMO.

Have a laugh about her being a scrooge and all, and give constructive comments and criticism and views by all means, but the personal digs are not necessary.

Homeownertobe

Fredula wrote: »

Yeah, it could possibly be her way of saying that. Maybe it's something I've got to learn from. Hubby says he thinks BIL is overreacting, so he's not fussed about it. I worry about what I buy them though - not this Christmas just gone, but the Christmas before we'd spent about £20 on FIL and MIL and it didn't 'feel' like a lot, so I went out and spent over budget £30 extra to buy MIL a bird table (which was actually so much fun to wrap up!). Just sometimes, you can try, and it still not be good enough, so sometimes it does feel a bit like 'why bother'.

Here's a tip - it doesn't matter how much you spend as long as you put thought into it and show you care.

Picking up an unwanted chocolate orange and throwing it in a bag says the exact opposite of 'we care'.

You seem a bit obsessed with money, or at least how much you can get from other people.

*max*

Fredula wrote: »

Yeah, it could possibly be her way of saying that. Maybe it's something I've got to learn from. Hubby says he thinks BIL is overreacting, so he's not fussed about it. I worry about what I buy them though - not this Christmas just gone, but the Christmas before we'd spent about £20 on FIL and MIL and it didn't 'feel' like a lot, so I went out and spent over budget £30 extra to buy MIL a bird table (which was actually so much fun to wrap up!). Just sometimes, you can try, and it still not be good enough, so sometimes it does feel a bit like 'why bother'.

In this instance, you really shouldn't have.

Person_one

Fredula wrote: »

Yeah, it could possibly be her way of saying that. Maybe it's something I've got to learn from. Hubby says he thinks BIL is overreacting, so he's not fussed about it. I worry about what I buy them though - not this Christmas just gone, but the Christmas before we'd spent about £20 on FIL and MIL and it didn't 'feel' like a lot, so I went out and spent over budget £30 extra to buy MIL a bird table (which was actually so much fun to wrap up!). Just sometimes, you can try, and it still not be good enough, so sometimes it does feel a bit like 'why bother'.

Just remember what the point of giving a gift actually is. Its to show a person that you care about them, that you were thinking of them, and that you wanted to do a little something to make them happy. The result should be that they feel loved, valued, cared about and ideally pleasantly surprised.

That doesn't have to cost a fortune by any means, but do you think your chocolate orange did that? Were you even trying to do something like that? Why did you think you were giving a gift?

purpleshoes_2

Fredula wrote: »

I don't have £900 disposable income. The quotes are from a while ago, BEFORE WE BOUGHT A FRICKING HOUSE. Jesus.

No she's not been mean, just done a bit of shouty caps locking.

purpleshoes_2

Person_one wrote: »

Just remember what the point of giving a gift actually is. Its to show a person that you care about them, that you were thinking of them, and that you wanted to do a little something to make them happy. The result should be that they feel loved, valued, cared about and ideally pleasantly surprised.

That doesn't have to cost a fortune by any means, but do you think your chocolate orange did that? Were you even trying to do something like that? Why did you think you were giving a gift?

Now this

http://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/1356/dark-chocolate-and-orange-cake

could make someone a pretty fine birthday cake

windup

I wonder what he'll think when he finds out you've told 7 billion people that he's sulking. The smallest of problems have to be discussed on the internet nowadays for some reason