New Alcohol self help

habibi_2

imported_goldie wrote: »

Thanks brodev. I know what you mean, when I have mentioned his drinking before he has just pulled a face and told me to "stop moaning". However this is too serious to leave, his eyes are yellow which I believe is a sure sign of liver damage. I have made a doctors appointment for him and will tell him why and that I believe he is very ill. Will keep you posted.

Hi imported_goldie
Have you seen the Al-Anon contact details on the first post of this thread? They have a helpline where you will be able to talk to someone.
It is very hard watching someone do that to themselves. I suggest waiting until your son is in a fairly sober state then tell him how worried you are about him and what he is doing to his health. Then, if you can, leave it there. The rest is up to him, when he is ready.
Look after yourself
x

lewt

hi brodev

brodev

hi Lewt how are you doing?

lewt

good thanks just working and keeping busy..... lots on but enjoying it all. u?

feelinggood_2

Just had a draining day. Spent the day with a friend who relapsed yesterday, really brought it back how I'm not that far from a drink. Need more work on the spiritual side of things.

Another question: What sort of inventory do you take now?

I know most people do a written step 10 at night, like a diary. I keep a chart during the day - is there anything wrong with this? I make short notes when needed, but mainly just check boxes for things I've done and not done, and I glance over it at night and at the end of the week to see where I need to put more work in.

brodev

feelinggood wrote: »

I keep a chart during the day - is there anything wrong with this?

Feelie I believe you are using the wrong language. You are staying sober. You are trying to change. You are helping others. etc. etc. etc. Yet you say "Is there anything WRONG with this?" There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with this. What you are doing is good. Saying that doesn't mean that it can't be improved, we all can be improved. I don't know if there is a better way for you as I don't know you but I strongly suggest that you content yourself with who you are and what you are doing for today. This is not a race. Tortoises do well in AA. I do not mean people who put off doing anything but rather people who try to slowly improve and get impatient at the length of time it takes them. I know I am one of them.
I would love to say that as I am now perfect I don't need to take inventory but I still do. I have learned not to be too hard on myself and to compare me to nobody else but myself and to look for improvement rather than perfection in myself.

lewt

feelinggood wrote: »

Another question: What sort of inventory do you take now?

I Feelie this is what I do. Hope I have kept it simple and correct as it says in the book as that’s where the instructions were first written.



If I have resentment I know what to do as it is on P65

I'm resentful at: Mr. Brown
The Cause:His attention to my wife.
Told my wife of my mistress.
Brown may get my job at the office

Affects my:

Sex relations
Self-esteem (fear)
Sex-relations
Self-esteem (fear)
Security
Self-Esteem (fear)

I then say this
“This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done."
I then follow these instructions “Referring to our list again. Putting out of our minds the wrongs others had done, we resolutely looked for our own mistakes. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking and frightened? Though a situation had not been entirely our fault, we tried to disregard the other person involved entirely. Where were we to blame? The inventory was ours, not the other man's. When we saw our faults we listed them. We placed them before us in black and white. We admitted our wrongs honestly and were willing to set these matters straight.”
By doing something like this

I have harmed Mr. Brown
My mistake
Not paying my wife attention, Not appreciating
My wife.
Having a mistress Drinking at work

I have been

Self seeking
FrightenedDishonest
Selfish
Self seeking
Self seeking
frightened

I know I have taken another man's inventory here but it’s just an example of what I do.



If I have a fear I know what to do as it tells me on P66
“We reviewed our fears thoroughly. We put them on paper, even though we had no resentment in connection with them”
“We ask Him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what He would have us be”.
I say “god I am frightened of…………….. Please remove my fear and direct my attention to what you would have me be”

The sex inventory
“We reviewed our own conduct over the years past. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, or inconsiderate? Whom had we hurt? Did we unjustifiably arouse jealousy, suspicion or bitterness? Where were we at fault, what should we have done instead? We got this all down on paper and looked at it. “

This is very much like step four one this is how I did it. ( this is normail in a grid or table i think ofice word call it)

Where was I Selfish, dishonest or inconsiderate
Whom did I hurt
Did I unjustifiably arouse jealously suspicion or bitterness
Where was I at fault (what did I do)
What should I have done instead?


I’ll leave you to fill that one out

I also read from page 64 “resentment is the number one offender…… as i'm doing this. As I forget and try and do things my way.

When I have read from 64 through to the end of the chapter I then go to p86 where there is a kind of check list at the top with (as I see it) 11 questions. Here they are
“When we retire at night, we constructively review our day. Were we resentful 1, selfish2, dishonest3 or afraid4? Do we owe an apology5? Have we kept something to ourselves which should be discussed with another person at once6? Were we kind and loving toward all7? What could we have done better8? Were we thinking of ourselves most of the time9? Or were we thinking of what we could do for others10, of what we could pack into the stream of life11?”

These are the questions I ask myself at night (on paper- how can I share it if I don’t write it down…..)
I then say the step 7 prayer
“My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character (insert the defects that have shown that day) which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding. Amen."
I then write a gratitude list of at least 10 things to finish off with.

Then I say a personal thank you for the day, and ask what corrective measures can be taken for anything I have/have not done that day. And sit for 5-10 mins quietly without the TV on or anything. For the answers to come.

Hope it helps. I don’t always do this right and have tried every easy way of doing it and like I hear at every meeting I go to “half measures availed us nothing” I have found this to be true- many times.

lewt

sorry i did box the inventorys in i can email it if you want this forum wont let me insert them.


EDIT: i have changed it best i can. sorry it aont what i created in word....

lewt

u a night bird too brodev ?

brodev

I am like an owl.....without the wisdom