New Alcohol self help

londoner1998

Please, take care of yourself. It is normal to feel anger towards them, allow time and space to be with yourself and be good to yourself. This will be along battle so make sure you also get on with your life.

My love goes out to you

notakid

The problem with an alcoholic is they don't think they have a problem. They will rewrite every situation in their favour, they are the victim and everyone is out to undermine/misunderstand them. Also they have their comfort/crutch, alcohol, the families affected have no such comfort. Denial is such a part of an alcoholics makeup.

For the few that accept they have a problem they reason they have no control over it and continue drinking.

You can not help them and you can not reason with them. You have to withdraw emotionally for your own sanity.

I agree with Running Horse, I'll save my sympathy for the families. They have no choice in the matter, its either put up or run away as an alcoholic will leech of you, so they can lead a normal life with minimal effort. The alcoholic never leaves and will always put their own needs first! Nothing comes close to their love of alcohol and their own needs and desires.

Kudos to the few recovering alcoholics around, I admire them greatly but I save my pity for the families of those affected and we all know the recovery rate for alcoholics is extremely low.

tandraig

loopylinz - I personally dont think alcoholism is an illness or a disease - its an addiction like herion coke tobacco etc. many many people have beaten these addictions - when THEY wanted to. for whatever reason. its usually the selfish reasons that get to them.......its going to kill them soon.........no-one wants to help them anymore..........the kids hate them..........their husbands left them......get the picture? they will NOT help themselves as long as they can convince themselves they are functioning ok, are well, the kids seem fine to them, hubby likes a drink too, they think that other people should do more to keep house clean ie its NEVER their fault.
how you cope here is entirely down to you - personally I would ensure your cousins safety and well being first. then have harsh words with auntys husband. then and only if hubby wont help, have words with aunty and tell her straight she is abusing her kids and you wont stand for it. dont be specific. let her wonder what you can do.
finally I realise your grandparents are elderly but, would they be willing to look after the kids while thier mum sorts her life out? this could be arranged informally and they wouldnt feel so helpless. and it may be the catalyst she needs - tho i doubt it. sorry to be so negative hun - but until aunty gets her head together and you as a family stop enabling her - she wont change.

Savvy_Sue

feelinggood wrote: »

It might be an idea to go to an AlAnon meeting. There are also Alateen meetings for teenagers affected by someone else's drinking. You'll find support and advice from people who've been through what your family are going through. You can't change an alcoholics behaviour, but you can change your and how you deal with the problem.

http://www.al-anonuk.org.uk/

What she said. And this link takes you straight to the Alateen page.

fsdss

alcoholism has ruined my husbands family - his sister, lies, steals, manipulates, causes major arguments, neglected her children, just to name a few. this has been going on for the past 15 years, and we have spent countless days and nights worrying about the little ones. its too late now to help her "children" who are in their late teens. and i only wish that back then - social services took note of our complaints as they would do now.

just to sum this up of what situation we found ourselves in a couple of years ago her son was fighting for his life in intensive care - his nurse had to have a word with us about his mothers unruly behaviour in the hospital, and cans of empty lagers were being crushed and tried to flush down the toilet we also found out a few months ago that she had stolen (or dwindled) £54k of his mothers savings to feed her addiction over a couple of years leaving my 74yr old MIL with not a penny now - we have now decided to disown her - she will not be welcome in our house, nor is she allowed to ring etc.

Somerset

It's all been said, alateen for the kids, if they want support/to understand. Alanon for the adults, same proviso. Practical help from the extended family to help the kids have as normal a life as possible. Yes, you are working around the alcoholic. There's no point trying to shame, bully or argue your aunt into quitting. She'll look for help when she's ready ie can't stand her life the way it is any longer - that might be next week or never. You can't 'fix' this. You're angry at the pain your aunt is causing people you love - they'll have to understand they can't 'fix' this either, and just carry on with their lives regardless. Self-preservation time.

It would be nice if/when your aunt asks for help and support for her illness that the family will be supportive of that. But as you've heard in many replies, often the anger and disgust of people badly affected by another's drinking burns bridges and causes chasms that can't be repaired.

Bogof_Babe

Bumping this thread due to the subscription changes, in case it sinks without trace!

Hope everyone is okay. What are you all up to?

brodev

I have no idea what you mean by "subscription charges" but I am glad to see a comment. I have had my surgery and I am feeling very delicate at the moment although I am beginning to get out and about again. I do hope that everybody is coping well with life and that we are all happy.

Bogof_Babe

Hi Brodev, glad to hear you are on the mend.

It's subscription changes not charges lol. There's a banner at the top of most boards saying that as from Thursday night we have to opt in to subscribing to a thread (i.e. it won't come up in your User CP unless you do). I just panicked as this one has been abandoned for some time and I might never be able to find it again!

Only 23 days to go 'til my 2nd anniversary .

Leela_G

Hi
Not sure if this is the right place to post this. My dad has always drank for as long as i can remember, but the last few years it has got much worse.

Basically he is now fully fledged alcoholic, today he was at the doctors and he has been told that 60% ruined... he refuses to stop drinking and my mum is the one who is going to be left to care for him.

What i'm really asking is has anyone been in this position and what comes next if he still won't stop drinking.

Many thanks for reading and any advice given.
x