New Alcohol self help

MrsE_2

Social services run substance misuse programmes, why don't you contact them? They can offer all manner of help & support to the family affected. Its too much for your family trying to sort this out alone.

lynzpower

I agree, it has to be suport from social services. If you think youve been let down, those poor kids must have bene really let down. I cant imagine what it must be like to see your own mum seemingly "choosing" not to be there for you and choosing drink over their own welfare.

Running_Horse

LoopyLinz wrote: »

I know this post sounds harsh and very unsympathetic, I know that alcoholism is an illness but I honestly dont think she will stop until she has pulled our family apart and put my nannie and granda in an early grave.

My mum, stapfather and grandfather were alcoholics. You are not not harsh, and alcoholism is not an illness, because you are not born with it and cannot catch it. Alcoholism is a weakness, and in my experience acoholics are greedy, selfish, and manipulative. Statistically most will not stop drinking permanently, so those around them need to adjust their lives accordingly. First by not supplying, covering up, or feeling responsible for the person concerned. Secondly by asking if you are willing to put up with this behaviour for years to come. That may sound hard, but several lives will be ruined unless people understand what is really going on and take action to defend themselves against ruin.

princessamy86

An alcoholic will only get better when they actually make the decision to do it, often only after reaching rock bottom. I would see about somebody else taking care of the child(ren?), if this is possible, and then I'm sorry to say I would cut your auntie off and encourage everyone else to do the same. You said yourself she knows there will always be someone there to pick up the pieces, well make it clear to her that there will be...when she starts going to AA and begins the process of getting sober. Until then, no contact with her.

Very harsh, but an alcoholic is like any other addict, they will lie, cheat, steal and manipulate every single person around them in order to get their fix. It's very difficult for everyone, and there is support for your family out there-google alcohol family support and there are tonnes of sites. Unfortunately, none of you can force her to get sober, but that doesn't mean that you should constantly have to deal with the fallout of her reckless and selfish behaviour. Take it from one who knows!

McKneff

Running_Horse wrote: »

My mum, stapfather and grandfather were alcoholics. You are not not harsh, and alcoholism is not an illness, because you are not born with it and cannot catch it. Alcoholism is a weakness, and in my experience acoholics are greedy, selfish, and manipulative. Statistically most will not stop drinking permanently, so those around them need to adjust their lives accordingly. First by not supplying, covering up, or feeling responsible for the person concerned. Secondly by asking if you are willing to put up with this behaviour for years to come. That may sound hard, but several lives will be ruined unless people understand what is really going on and take action to defend themselves against ruin.

So you have to be born with something for it to be an illness

What an absolute bigoted, narrowminded, juvenile load of tosh this post is.

Its you who doesnt understand this illness, and yes it is an illness, and until you learn more about and realise why they turn into alcoholics you need to temper your judgemental opinions.

Running_Horse

McKneff wrote: »

So you have to be born with something for it to be an illness

What an absolute bigoted, narrowminded, juvenile load of tosh this post is.

Its you who doesnt understand this illness, and yes it is an illness, and until you learn more about and realise why they turn into alcoholics you need to temper your judgemental opinions.

Selective quoting of my post makes you look dishonest. I said you cannot be born with it or catch it. You cannot catch alcoholism. You choose to become an alcoholic by drinking too much alcohol. I don't drink too much alcohol so will never catch alcoholism. That is my choice.

You call my post bigoted narrow minded tosh and say I don't understand, despite clearly explaining I have experience of living with alcoholics. Unlike you I have also offered the OP some practical advice based on that experience. So instead of attacking me, why not say something useful?

Rockporkchop

McKneff wrote: »

So you have to be born with something for it to be an illness

What an absolute bigoted, narrowminded, juvenile load of tosh this post is.

Its you who doesnt understand this illness, and yes it is an illness, and until you learn more about and realise why they turn into alcoholics you need to temper your judgemental opinions.

I think your post is the load of tosh. Alcoholism is not an illness - it's an addiction, a disease maybe but not an illness.

Unfortunately Running Horse's post is heartbreakingly accurate, and I say that as the sister of a late alcoholic who tore the family to shreds.

OP - I am terribly sorry to hear about your situation. I am sorry I can't really offer you any words of wisdom as you just can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped or won't help themselves. I really hope your auntie turns things around soon.

feelinggood_2

It might be an idea to go to an AlAnon meeting. There are also Alateen meetings for teenagers affected by someone else's drinking. You'll find support and advice from people who've been through what your family are going through. You can't change an alcoholics behaviour, but you can change your and how you deal with the problem.

http://www.al-anonuk.org.uk/

fantasia322

This is a tough one and its hard to know what to do, espesh when there are kids involved (albeit teenagers).
When some one is addicted to alcohol there is Nothing repeat Nothing anyone can do till THEY admit there is a problem. They have to hit rockbottom and then acknowledge their addiction. Anything that family or friends try to do, even through they are trying to help, is just facilitating the problem and enabling the person to keep on drinking. Counseling etc can be provided, but it wont make a blind bit of difference until the person is willing and has a desire to participate. They are in such an alcohol fuddled haze (that is there normality) that they cant see the dirty house, the pain on the kids faces.
Drink is always the prop to keep them from dealing with the reality of situations.
Agree with OP's, Social services is the way to go, but again help wont work till the problem is acknowledged.
It sounds like your family have done all they can do.
You have to think about yourself too. Sending you hugs.
I empathise, I really do xXx

McKneff

Where was the 'selective quoting of your post' - I asked you a rhetoical question, there was not a bit of quote in sight'

You choose to become an alcoholic - Uninformed rubbish, no one chooses to become an alcoholic - it creeps up on you without you even realising it till its too late.

You cannot catch alcoholism. You choose to become an alcoholic by drinking too much alcohol. I don't drink too much alcohol so will never catch alcoholism

First you say 'you cannot catch alcolohism, then you say you say you 'will never catch it because you dont drink too much alcohol.'
Major contradition there,
You didnt offer any practical advice,
you offered your own bigoted opinion because of alcoholics in your family.

Until you get into the mind of an alcoholic you have no right to judge.